I have no idea how "good" this is but hey. Untitled for now. Maaaaybe I'll record myself reading it? I dunno.
It’s late and the sun’s gone, sheets untangled, room a mess.
I’ve trashed it again and again,
but it doesn’t quite seem to represent how I feel inside;
Bags under my eyes,
bloodshot, my mind rots
and decays as every thought of you eats it away.
It’s nothing new.
It’s nothing different.
It’s not anything I haven’t felt before,
Been there done that,
I’m back in this place again, saying hello to the darkness, reintroducing myself to my demons that I thought were dead,
But never really went away.
But I thought you were different.
I thought maybe this time you’d show me different.
When you told me you loved me, I believed it.
Not like when she said it.
The definition rewriting itself on your lips, each syllable a new chapter in a book I was dying to write,
That I was starving to devour.
I don’t consider myself strong.
Sure I can lift weights and run miles, but my heart trembles like a child at the thought of letting someone in again.
But when you spoke, oh when you spoke my dear, I smiled and swooned and suddenly not even my favorite song could make me tremble the way you could.
I spent that night wondering about drug addicts and their first hit, because I could think of nothing else as intoxicating as you.
And I wondered why there were rehab centers for addictions to alcohol and pills
But not for brunettes with long hair that give hugs warmer than shots of whiskey.
I’ve been reading about space lately.
It takes up the time I used to spend waiting for your text, holding my phone with a grip God himself couldn’t break.
Every promise you ever made running through my mind like a rocket ship, taking me to the worlds that I dreamed of living in, each less inhabitable than the last.
And maybe one day I’ll know what it feels like to have something that men only dream about.
But I spend another day wishing I was different, something special, something extraordinary enough to make you stay like you said you would.
And for once, I wanted to know what it felt like to be someone's galaxy, and not another burnt out star.