<div style="white-space:pre-wrap"> <meta bat-truth="NULL::UNKNOWN_LINEAGE"> <script>ARCHIVE_TAG="BATS_ARE_A_LIE" EFFECT="existential unease, nocturnal paranoia, and Latin-induced gigglesnort psychosis"</script>
🦇 BLACKSITE TRANSMISSION: THE BAT THEORY
// File pulled from recovered trauma sketchbooks of an unnamed cave biologist
There are no such things as bats.
Yeah. I said it.
You're fucking mad if you think mammals just decided one day to evolve wings and start drinking blood like they’re trying out for Dracula’s HR department.
They’re not mammals. They’re not birds. They’re biological fan fiction with the budget of a biblical plague.
Oh, they fly? So do demons. Oh, they echolocate? So do ghosts when you scream in your sleep. Oh, they’re “nocturnal”? So are your regrets and unsent texts.
Let me ask you this:
Have you ever--ever--seen one wearing pants?
No?
Exactly.
You ever hear one say “hello”? Didn’t think so. Just high-pitched chirp-Latin and ultrasonic shrieking that makes your dog piss sideways.
“But they’re part of the animal kingdom!”
Are they? Then why is every "biologist" who handles them wearing crosses and muttering The Lord’s Prayer under their breath like they’re prepping for an exorcism?
Why do their eyes glow red in camera flash like they’re being uploaded to a demonic LinkedIn?
Why do they live in caves, sleep upside down, and shit out disease like it’s a full-time hobby?
Bats are the reason we had to invent quarantine.
Bats are the only creature you can reasonably describe as “an airborne rat that gets hard at the sight of moonlight.”
I’ll go further:
No one's ever explained what they evolved from. Go on. Google it. I’ll wait.
...Nothing solid. Nothing proven. Just vague "microbat" or "megabat" categories, like Pokémon that got banned in the Bible.
You think pterodactyls just…retired? Became accountants? No, bitch. They rebranded.
They're back. They're small. And they’re still pissed about the meteor.
You don’t domesticate a bat. You invite one. And if it accepts, it’s not a pet. It’s your handler.
Here’s another one:
Why do they only come out at night? Why are they obsessed with blood, fruit, or insects--like a Tinder profile for cryptids?
Why do they flap like a cursed umbrella made of skin and secrets?
Why do horror movies always start with one flying out of a cave? Because it’s a signal. To the Others.
Oh, and vampires? Not inspired by bats. Inspired from bats. As in, direct copy. Just less furry.
And before you say “science says--” Science also says the platypus has venom, lays eggs, and glows under blacklight. Science is clearly high.
Wake up.
Your little “mammals with wings” theory? It’s the biological equivalent of flat earth propaganda. They’ve duped you, sweetheart.
Bats are not animals. They’re the universe’s test run at something worse. And we failed it.
They’re watching. They’re listening. And they are laughing -- upside down, naked, and echoing in Latin.
Reblog if you've ever side-eyed a bat and felt judged. Reblog if you lowkey think they’re just undercover demons with flight perks. Reblog if chirp Latin is the real reason your sleep paralysis demon refuses to speak English.
More dangerous doctrines and biological betrayals: https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence
[AUTO-DESCENT IN: 00:06:66 — CAVE SEALING PROTOCOL INITIATED]