this is actually so unnatural though. i feel so alien trying to navigate getting close to you with my feelings pretty much on the table. you're not exactly my friend, but you're not exactly more than a friend to me, either.
it's because i'm still thinking, not feeling. is this right? is this too fast? too slow? i always have to ask myself some sort of question before i even say anything to you.
for once i want to be self-assured. i know how you feel, i think. and you know how i feel (i hope). and there is no looming danger, no predator about to pounce on me and make a bloody scene of my attempts.
why can't it be easy? what do i have to lose that's more precious than seeing for myself the road we are to walk together?
i guess i'm still scared. there's still some sort of pride holding my tongue, tying it into a knot.
i don't know.