you know there are a lot of things in this world that make me cry. small dogs. sea shells. just to name a few but nothing, NOTHING, elicits such a strong emotional response from me as that quote from narnia does "once a king or queen of narnia, always a king or queen" may your wisdom grace us until the stars rain down from the very heavens like, not even mass effect 3 hits me as hard as that line does. it's sort of a bittersweet thing. i grew up on these books. did that make me a monarch of narnia? i always wished so, when i was little. i would imagine and play pretend and i still kind of wish it were real even now, honestly, it's childish but i don't care but it had such a bitter, awful ending. susan was treated so horribly. "susan is no longer a friend of narnia," peter said, and lucy says "nylons and lipstick" as if growing up were a bad thing. lucy, cs lewis' perfect virgin mary, to match susan's eve or lilith what happened to once a king or queen, always a king or queen? and i worry that the same thing will happen to me someday, i always wanted to be lucy or edmund but i think i'm the susan in this story i wish i weren't so doubtful. it's hard to have faith when it feels like no one's there. and there are good days, where i see the rain or the flowers or the sunset or clayton or any of the people i've known, for that matter, and i just think, god, GOD, how could this all just happen by chance, but those days are few and far between and i'm tired of this whole 'not having faith' thing, it's scary and a pain in the ass i've gotten off topic. i'm really tired and i really love these books a lot, but looking back on them now they all have a lot of shitty themes i don't even know where i was going with this i just wanted to talk about a quote from a book that ruined my life
