#learningtobemyself

[learningtobemyself]

I need 1993 Jeff Goldblum carnally

[learningtobemyself]

Looking at 14th century fashion (for funsies) and LOOK at how SLUH - NO covering of drapery

Its depicted under “young Italians” no way this was not the sluttiest thing possible at the time and I’m fucking here for it

[learningtobemyself]

@dragonbleps

she’s a cover girl she’s a model

She gets very nervous around loud noises

[learningtobemyself]

[learningtobemyself]

You ever had that kind of love where you feel like everything is equal to the feeling of waking up before anyone else on a snowy morning? You know the feeling. Hopeful. In true awe. Grateful and ready. Excited. Calm. Peaceful and full of beauty that is untouched. Something so pure you don’t want to move, lest the moment cease to exist. That feeling? … it’s.. not passion fueled chaos or biting your own bones to find something to feed them. It’s more.. the first half of a rom-com. Or, a warm blanket fresh out of the dryer. Or the first fall of snow. .

God, if you are still reading this and you don’t know what i mean.. i truly hope you find it.

Because it makes everything make sense.

[learningtobemyself]

Everyone loves to bask in the sun

A violent storm was born in ‘97.

It began it’s path with forest in mind,

Where it could transfer energy in peace.

Unfortunately storms do not walk quietly.

They leave shattered wreckage,

Breaking hearts of any so Ill-fated to bear witness.

As the storm grew so did the chaos within.

Each townsperson knew of it’s presence,

Though all gave a contrasting response.

Many ran, taking heed to shelter.

The preponderance stared from afar in awe,

Basking in the sun beams & whistling wind.

Unaware of the inner thunder and lightning which powered it.

Very few sought to stay put.

Attempting to let the storm pass over them,

As they relished in all it’s unpredictability.

With each bid came a ghastly fate.

The storm was too powerful for any to endure.

Settlers passed on warnings.

Causing future generations to be weary,

Knowing beauty becomes lawlessness when one dare stand too close for too long.

You see everyone adores the sun.

If only there were a storm chaser brave enough,

To look into the eye and survive.

[learningtobemyself]

Was looking up pointillism/Impressionism bc Claude Monet was born before the first documentation of pointillism and i personally believe he did it first but that’s up for debate.

This, however, is George’s Seurat “models” which i came across during my readings - i noticed that his previous painting “a Sunday on la grande jatte” is in it. It looks to be his entire wall as a mural.. i mean, the painting is over 81 inches tall and so the height makes sense with a full grown woman next to it. But that means not only did he do the original painting, but he did another painting and because that was in the background, he REPAINTED the original. Which, idk i think is really, profoundly cool.

[learningtobemyself]

Sometimes i wish my heart weren’t as big. I wish i could spit back retorts out loud and - i used to. I don’t know where that girl went. . I think too many people told her she was unlovable like that, and she believed them.. now she’s gotten so lost that the only girl i know is a scared one. An anxious one. The fighter in me would pity her. But i cannot seem to find that fighter, because every time i look for her i stop to apologize before she is found.. maybe it was after too many times of being scared for my life. Maybe a part of me knows that it’s safer to smile, than it is to point out how awful someone is being. Because that saved me before. But maybe it’s killing me now. . Maybe that’s just what it’s like to be a woman in this world.

I hope i find my fighter again. I think she’s just lost right now.