An Open Letter to my Future Self.
Dear Future Raymond Led,
Hi there, I am your old self(maybe) and I wrote this so that you’ll have something to refer to in times of confusion or if you feel like you’re going off the grid.
I know you must now be someone who is successful and happy and have probably gone far in your career, your dreams. Great then!! I am happy for that. All my ambitiousness and aspirations and persistence today should now be reflective on your situation.
I am not sure though if you stayed in the IT industry or have gone astray and went for the “scientific journey” I used to have when watching Sineskwela as a kid. I am sure that the Led in between us will probably know, and he’ll probably have a letter for you too.
You are not always that way, Led.
And sometimes, you should look back and realize the improvements that happened within you and hopefully around you as well. Sometimes you must know your roots to realize if something that should be there, something you must always have, is missing and finally, sometimes you can look back for answers.
Problems will arise and will get recycled always, so know the tools at your disposal and make good use of them. Just like when I used to code in front of a computer. Instead of memorizing the codes, I memorize the processes, concepts and ways to use the codes. I hope you are better now at this. I hope you’ll remember these times
(NOTE: you should not be cheating on your codes by now).
As I am writing this, I am 22 years old, approaching 23. I have failed a few times in my endeavor(I haven’t tried many yet though). I hopped to two jobs as of now. One from Accenture as an associate software engineer. Fate didn’t say yes, so I was not promoted into the next level(long story written in the brown journal with tag 1) It’s okay. I learned a lot, don’t feel mad.
I am now an iOS developer. Never did I thought I would look at a MacBook angrily when the program is compiling like a turtle. As of now, I am not an expert in iOS.
The company didn’t give me many tasks that I could learn from and I didn’t find any inspiration to do my own project. I don’t know why I always have to be in a situation like this, but I am not giving up. No. Though partly, I am to be blamed for this.
And yeah, you were once putting excuses for your laziness and I hope by now, you’ve changed for the better. I am slowly trying to build that path that would lead to you, I am starting to have a clearer picture of you by now and thanks be to the Lord for this self-awareness thing.
These are the times I think you should be prepared for. Maybe you are more knowledgeable by now, but in case you find yourself in any of these times, I wrote a message for you, this is how your young self will react to these times:
***In times of confusion. ***
Seek for a guidance. Either seek for that divine enlightenment I’ve read about in the book Eat Pray Love, write a petition to God as your usual ritual when wishing for something big or go sit with Mama, she is wise and probably wiser than you will ever be.
Ask for her guidance, tell her the story, admit your sins, guilt, grievances, regrets and even cry in front of her, just like I did when I broke up with my first lover. Mama will understand you and support you as long as you’re not doing anything bad.
Remember I used to meditate during 4am when I am confused or sad. Sit somewhere now, be in silence, deal with yourself, I’m certain you’ll find the stillness I once owned inside that vast void which is your mind.
***In times of happiness. ***
Wow. You now know what “happiness” is huh. That’s not always the case though. But, remember to be thankful to the people around you, those who supported you, those who did not turn their backs and offered you any kind of assistance or kindness alone during your needy time.
Thank the Lord because He blessed you again, as He has always done so in the past.
But remember to be humble always. No matter who you are talking to.
Don’t scold the cashier when she puts the coins in the counter instead in your palm. I did it once and I regretted it. Don’t shout at the cats, because like your favorite dog PotPot, they too can feel frightened and need your love.
Remember, I am an animal lover and you will always be one.(always share PETA’s post if you found it really helpful).
***In times of new challenges***.
I used to be creative, resourceful, a fighter and resilient Led. . and so should you.
This one should be easy for you. I am sure by the time you read this. You’ve already followed the plan I have laid out since 2015 and you have now been exposed to many methods of how to conquer big problems. Probably you’re no longer scared of diving into the unknown unless of course fatal.
Yeah! Divide and conquer. Break it down to smaller ones, know the root cause, look at the pyramid from the top and celebrate each small successes(remember this is what I learned in Business Analysis Fundamentals of Lynda.com).
And like how I used to draw flow charts for the clients in upWork, you too, should apply the same mentality - I’m sure it’s within you. Look for it. There is always a way out.
***In times of sadness, depression, frustration. ***
Meditate. Just like how I use to deal with these negative emotions nowadays.
Remember? Everything goes away. When you are sad, remember to not react. Just acknowledge the pain and let it flow, be passive Led, that’s how I used to deal with it. IT WILL BE GONE.
Go at the memorial park where Amang was buried, find the old big tree and under its shade, sit, enjoy the wind and just be with yourself, Led, I’ve been there and you’ll love the place (not in the evening though).
Or, talk to the people you value the most. Mama, your friends, to the Zen gurus in UP Diliman, or like what I usually do, post a question in Quora and ask for an advice to the witty community.
Or , listen to the old beautiful and inspirational Mariah Carey songs, just like how I used to these days. They are great Led.
Make it happen, cant take that away, your favorite Hero, Fly like a bird, through the rain. Remember how in many times of your life, they uplifted your spirit from being down. I’m sure these songs still have that power.
***When you feel envy, jealous, insecure. ***
It’s fine. Remember how I used these emotions to be a better version of myself, leading to you of course.
But don’t consume too much. Any of these emotions, it ransacks your confidence and renders you unable to focus on your own journey.
Remember how unique of a person you are and the strengths you posses. Use them at your advantage. Don’t consume too much envy. You don’t have to compete with anyone else. Where you are right now, is exactly where you need to be. Hold on to that one.
***When you are sick. ***
Just go home. Don’t be alone. Let Mama cook a soup for you, massage your head with Katinko menthol, let Papa do you hand reflexology that he claims effective during sick times. If you have a work schedule, fuck it, then file a sick leave and go.
***In times of a broken heart. ***
Oh. This one. I thought you’ll never experience this because I said so, but you will, and it’s inevitable as a real human to fall in love and get hurt.
I have affixed to myself as of now that once is enough. I am immune to it. Just like how you vaccinate a child to poliovirus. The vaccine itself is actually a weak version of polio virus, not the destructive one, but because the body learns how to fight it when the real destructive polio comes in, it no longer brings havoc.
Oh yeah!! That’s it!! That’s how I dealt with heart break, Led. Look at the picture of that person who is making you cry, look at his picture with his new lover, yeah, immune yourself. Let it be. Let it flow and you’ll get used to it.
Talk to Mama, that’s what I did when I cried because of my first breakup. Weird? It is, because it is not my nature to let my walls down for someone, but once, I did and you should recall the feeling after I have moved on. It feels victory.
Call your friends, eat at Malolos Crossing at midnight with them, just find people who will listen.
Time will heal it. You are allowed to be weak sometimes Led, so it’s okay.
***In times of dating someone. ***
Haha. You should be an expert to this by now. Remember how communicative I am? I love talking to people, I love connecting with them and you should too. Just remember Led, if your gut feels not good towards a person, the by all means follow it. Your gut is good at telling you NO and it usually is right. That’s its job, to keep you safe.
Don’t settle for anything less than what you really want.
Know your value Led. Not just in terms of dating someone, but for almost all aspects of life. When a company tries to offer you a salary you’re not comfortable in, try negotiation. It’s not what you are currently doing, but what you are capable of doing. And I know you are capable of a lot.
Remember how I ended up with a low salary job once because I really wanted to get out of a company? No way by now, you should not settle. Period.
Going back to dating.. BUT DONT FORGET, to open your heart and mind for someone who you think is right for you. I have done a lot of research about it Led, but no scientific paper has answered my questions so far. You can do it.
***If you find yourself alone in life.***
I hope not Led. But remember, I am used to it. I used to eat alone at the restaurants in the mall and the waitress would look at me baffled and I would look back with an annoyed face. Haha. Everyone else was was with somebody else. Except me. Well, that was different, though.
Alone and lonely are never the same thing. Perhaps if you are on, this time, you’ll feel that you’ve spent too much time being alone and you deserve a companion. You do Led, I believe that you do, but we can never know for certain.
You can always socialize and find friends, though. Call your brother, if he has children by now, play with them, you are, by the way, their family. Yes. A family. So you never have to live life alone.
Don’t waste time in your room, go out!! – =========================================================
Remember Led, life goes on and just as a child we once were, you should always walk out of your comfort zone not knowing if you’ll fall or not but always filled with wonder and curiosity. The only difference by now is that you must be capable of taking calculated risks, of course, don’t go for something fatal…or has the probability of being one…not worth it.
If ever you want to recall a day, go look for the journals I kept, the old ones and I hope you are still writing your own now. I hope we can meet one day and talk about our failure and successes, but that’s one big impossibility. This letter will be one of your connections with me.
You are loved, well fed, sent to a good school, surrounded by a great family, have better jobs. I hope you are better now. Life is good. Smile.
I love you, Your Old Self,Raymond Led E. Carasco