Pip Vs Damien
Everyone in the fourth grade had decided to cooperate together to create the most complex game they’d ever played in honor of the beginning of summer.
It was meant to be a tournament with just enough drama and physical exertion to keep everyone invested and entertained.
The only issue was finding a subject that involved all of those components. Eventually there was a muffled suggestion from Kenny.
“Tickling? Really, Kenny?” Cartman gave him an unimpressed look. Stan was quick to defend the kid in the orange parka.
“Hey, he’s got a point. We can’t agree on anything else, and this doesn’t really cause physical harm but it’s also unbearable.” Stan continued, “I think it’s perfect.”
A wave of silence washed over the group, until Red spoke up, “I say we give it a shot! I’ve been in plenty of tickle fights with my cousins, and there’s definitely a lot of drama and physical exertion involved in it.”
Eventually hushed murmurs of agreement began to rise around all of them.
“I say we all start working on the tournament bracket straight away,” Wendy took charge, “the fights happen every other day in the evening. Not everyone needs to come and view the fight, although it would be appreciated if we all tried our best to show up.”
Everyone nodded along to Wendy’s suggestion, she was the level headed one of the group so it made more sense for her to lead the way.
“I also suggest the location to be Cartman’s basement.” She added on, “since that’s where you guys normally meet anyway.”
“Ay! Keep your gay ass tickling away from my house.” Cartman quickly objected, earning irritated sighs from the others.
“Why are you so fucking negative all the time?” Craig asked bluntly.
“I’m not being negative, I’m being straight.”
“No, you’re being a prude, Eric.” Heidi’s firm voice stood out among the crowd of kids.
They quieted down when they saw her gentle parenting slowly get through to Cartman.
“...Alright, fine. But just to prove I’m no prude.” Cartman huffed.
This was the one time anyone appreciated Cartman’s soft spot for his ex-girlfriend. By the end of that weekend, they’d created rules and guidelines for each fight, setting up the fights randomly to make sure it was all fair.
Scott took it upon himself to surround the downstairs area with the necessary pillows and cushions to keep injuries to a minimum while Bebe and Wendy worked together to make the environment aesthetically pleasing.
“I don’t think we’ll care much about fairy lights and fake vines when we’re being tickled to tears, Bebe.” Cartman protested as he supervised the kids running around his house to prepare for the oncoming battles so they didn’t break anything.
“It’s not for the fighters. It’s for me and Bebe to be comfortable because we’re going to have to be here for every match to announce and comment.” Wendy shot back.
Cartman threw his hands up in exasperation as he stormed upstairs to get away from the chaos.
It was a preview of what the next month would look like as kids basically used Cartman’s house as home base for the game.
Why nobody just held it at Tolkien’s house was beyond Cartman’s understanding.
______________________
Pip and Damien were the first on the bracket to fight. Pip had been very adamant about staying out of the fight because he considered himself to be a pacifist.
The boys wouldn’t have any of it and ordered Pip to fight.
“Come on, Pip!” Cartman hissed, “you’re being so seriously lame right now.”
When Pip didn’t respond to the chubby boy's violent approach Kyle decided to take the reins. He rested a hand on Pip’s shoulder.
“It isn’t going to be as bad as you think it is. It’s only tickling, and once one person opts out, it’ll all stop.”
These words seemed to comfort Pip but he did appear afraid to hurt Damien.
“What if I hurt Damien accidentally?” The British boy worried.
“With all due respect man, you should be worried that Damien will hurt you.” Stan said honestly, earning a side eye from Kyle.
“I don’t think Damien would do that.” Pip said with a contented smile.
Kenny pointed towards Damien who was currently exercising his satanic powers, demonstrating exactly what he’d do to Pip.
Kyle sighed in irritation, losing his comforting edge, “Pip, just go get tickled by Damien and get it over with.”
“Righto.” Pip said as he approached the center of Cartman’s basement floor where the fights were scheduled to take place.
When Damien saw Pip take a step forward, he met the shorter boy in the middle.
“Fear me, mortal. I shall reign Hell upon you!” Damien yelled, his hands curling into fists.
“I believe this is a tickle fight…not a brawl.” Pip squeaked after noticing Damien taking practice swings.
Damien summoned hands from thin air to hold Pip still. The kids would have called Damien out about it being unfair, but they knew Pip would lose to him anyways.
They weren’t concerned with fairness when it came to Pip.
Satan’s son wasn’t especially good at tickling. To be honest it looked like it was hurting more than tickling.
He was poking Pip’s sides so hard that it looked like he’d pinched a nerve.
“Why aren’t you laughing? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to be producing?” Damien barked at Pip.
“Oh! Right, I’m sorry.” Pip apologized and began to force a laugh on his behalf. Damien seemed satisfied by this.
The children were disappointed by the fight. They’d all been tickling Pip brutally since they were toddlers and they knew just as well as anyone that Pip was extremely ticklish.
Maybe after being tickled so much he was immune? Or Damien really was that bad at tickling.
“Just call the fight so it can be over with, Pip!” Wendy advised.
“Do you give up yet, puny mortal?” He beamed sadistically.
“Oh, please! Spare me!” Pip giggled, more amused than tickled.
Damien didn’t catch onto it at all and turned away from Pip to face everyone with a sharkish grin.
“You see that? That’s a warning to whoever I’m fighting next.”
Everyone knew that Pip let Damien win, that much was obvious, but the threat still made the other fighters shudder.
They had to find a way to keep Damien’s powers from letting him win automatically, although nobody really wanted to mess with the son of Satan to find out what might happen.
“That was great, Damien!” Pip chirped and stretched his hand out to Damien to shake.
Damien looked offended by Pip’s praise and pushed the shorter boy away.
“I don’t need your praise, filthy mortal!” He hissed.
“Oh, of course.” Pip said quickly, “my apologies.”
“That kid needs to be taken down a peg.” Craig mutters to the boys side of the group.
“Gah! This is unfair!” Tweek squawked back.
“He’s nothing without his powers.” Cartman said darkly. “Whoever is fighting that freak next just needs to render his satanic ways of cheating useless. And then the victory is all theirs for the taking.”
Everyone looked at Cartman uneasily. He was usually one for evil schemes, and who better to beat Damien at his own game than Eric Cartman?
Bebe cleared her throat on the stairs of Carman’s basement to gain the kids attention.
“We’ve decided that the winner in this fight is…Damien.” She announced.
That was no surprise. Pip was the only one clapping and cheering for Damien.
“We’ve also updated the tournament bracket.” Wendy said, as the bracket manager, “the next ones fighting will be…”
She paused for dramatic effect, before locking eyes with Bebe.
“Butters and Stan!” Bebe finished.
Stan breathed a small sigh of relief when he heard his opponent, but the blonde boy was practically shaking in his boots.
“Uh- F-Fellas- Why are we doing this again?” Butters projected to the room.
“We already went over this yesterday, Butters. We’re doing a tournament of tolerance, and instead of hurting each other we’ll just use tickling so we don’t get in trouble.” Kyle said righteously.
“I’m not sure that’s uh….” Butters said, but his voice was quickly wavering along with his confidence. “...Well, alright then. Good luck, Stan.”
Stan glanced at Butters and looked him up and down. “Uh yeah, good luck, man.”
A/N: This is the first of my series I'm making inspired by @dannystheone and their idea to do a South Park tickle fight tournament thing! I thought it would be a fun and easy summer project.
