Ten Things You Bring Into a Courtroom 21 April 2024 Lee
i.
Small, round hands reaching up towards a gray sun a million miles away. The shape of someone he loves. He stretches so far he feels like he might tear in two. He whines with the effort, strangled and pathetic. A million tiny pins dance inside his nose. Something feels so empty, so desperate: a hole in his chest that will always be a part of him.
He just wants to be warm.
The someone turns away, long, pin-straight hair whipping around her body like smoke.
It smells like laundry that never quite dried.
ii.
“A game?” Lee asked, grinning.
“Mhm!” Doctor Peter said, taking the blood-pressure cuff off of Lee’s arm. He wrapped his hands around Lee’s waist and helped him off the table and back to the ground. “Remember when we talked about how your sickness made you very, very special?”
Lee thought for a second before nodding, “Like a superhero.”
“That’s right!” Doctor Peter exclaimed. Lee stood a little taller. He liked being right.
Another doctor Lee had never seen before stepped into the room. He looked very serious, though he tried to smile politely. Lee gave a big smile and a wave back.
“This is Mister Joel, he has a superpower, too.”
Lee’s eyes went wide. He’d never met a real-life superhero. His tummy turned, kind of like in the sickness way, but not really. It felt a little better than that, like on playground days when he rocked too hard on the spring-horse.
“Mister Joel is pretty cool. He can make his body glow like a flashlight!” Doctor Peter smiled at Mister Joel, but the smile felt a little funny. Mister Joel’s mouth twisted like he’d eaten a lemon.
“Woah,” Lee marveled. A real-life superhero.
“I know, so cool,” Doctor Peter drawled and Mister Joel looked down at the ground. Lee felt bad. Mister Joel’s face didn’t look like he thought he was so cool.
“So, Lee, all you have to do is--”
“I bet you’re never afraid of the dark!” Lee blurted out. Mister Joel looked up from his shoes, right at Lee, and Lee balled his fists up with excitement, “I wish I had that superpower!”
Mister Joel smiled a little and that smile was real. Lee beamed back. He liked making people feel better, too.
Doctor Peter crouched down and put a warm hand on Lee’s back. Lee turned to watch him, his attention captured entirely and suddenly by the comforting touch. Everything from his mind vanished and he realized how cold the medicine room was. He just wanted to be warm.
“That’s what’s so special about you, Lee,” Doctor Peter whispered, like it was just their little secret, “You can have that superpower. And that’s the game! Just go over to Mister Joel and give him a nice, firm handshake, like we practiced. And then we’ll turn off the lights and see what happens, okay?”
Lee nodded, but he didn’t move right away. Doctor Peter had to give him a little shove to make him walk back into the cold.
iii.
Once, while Lee was walking to the game room, he saw a doctor moving a large silver table with a lump of blankets on top down the hall. A splotchy green arm fell off the side right as they passed. It had a small, round hand.
Lee startled and grabbed Doctor Peter’s leg. Doctor Peter only broke his stride to replace Lee’s grip with his hand and forced them to keep walking. “That’s why you’re so special, Lee. No one else has made it through the sickness, yet, but you did,” he cooed, but not like he was talking to a child, like he was talking about his favorite toy.
The wind bellowed through the hole in Lee’s chest.
iv.
Lee’s throat hurt from wailing, but it felt better than the hole in his chest. He sat on the floor of the large, white room and let the devastation rip through him. It had been hours of this and it wouldn’t stop and it felt like it might have always been this. He didn’t know how it could be anything else. He thought that if he stopped crying, the roaring would come back, and he didn’t want that.
“Oh, honey, I know--” Doctor Jenny reached out and Lee panicked, backing away from her. He just wanted to be warm, but he didn’t want her to touch him. He didn’t want anyone to touch him ever again.
Doctor Jenny sighed, but didn't try to close the space between them. At least Lee stopped crying. Instead, he was on high-alert. He hiccupped, but he watched her closely, ready to bolt if she so much as flinched.
“Kiddo, I don’t--”
“No!” he shouted. The defiance felt good.
“Lee--”
“No!” he screamed, his voice croaking and his gasping breaths uncontrolled and manic.
“Lee!” she barked, warning, but not unkind. Doctor Jenny had never been unkind. Lee liked her a lot, actually, and the seriousness of her voice made him shrink. The defiance didn’t feel good anymore. He tucked himself behind his knees, sniffling into the cotton of his long pants. He felt so tired, like he’d been running for days and days and days and her yelling reminded him how to stop.
The room was silent between them for a few moments. Lee could feel Doctor Jenny watching him, but he kept his eyes trained on his toes, watching her knees just outside his field of vision. If she moved towards him again, he would see.
“I know that was scary for you,” she whispered. When she spoke, Lee could hear the soft echo of her voice in the speaker behind the large mirror to his right. If he focused hard enough, he thought he could feel the other eyes watching them closely from behind the mirror, dissecting his every move, noting every twitch and sob.
When Lee didn’t respond, Doctor Jenny kept going. Her voice was so soft, but he was so mad. He was so, so mad he wanted her to know how mad he was.
She said, “But it won’t always be like that. You’re going to get better and better at controlling it.”
Something sharp twisted in Lee’s chest and he squeezed himself tighter. He tucked his face behind his legs--he didn’t care about watching her anymore, he just wanted the roaring to stop. His entire body seized up with the memory, as if he was trying to put the flames out again.
It wasn’t fair. A stranger snuck up behind Lee and grabbed the back of his neck. Instantly, every cell in his body sparkled to flame, engulfing him in a horrible, roaring blaze. It didn’t hurt physically, his new superpowers wouldn’t let it. But he could feel his eyes. On fire. His tongue. His bones. He couldn’t hear himself screaming, not when his eardrums had ignited and thundered inside his head. Two minutes. For two minutes, he burned.
“I’m sorry it was so scary,” she tried again. Lee glanced up, because it sounded like this would be the sort of time she might try to touch him again and he didn’t want that. But she didn’t. Which made Lee relax just the tiniest bit.
“They didn’t play by the rules,” Lee tried between gasps for breath. He didn’t not want to talk to her--he wanted to be understood, more than anything.
“The rules have to change,” she explained, very simply. “You’re getting older. It’s important that you keep learning, so the games have to get harder.”
That made sense, but Lee still didn’t like it. He shrank back behind his knees, his head twisted towards the wall so he didn’t have to look at Doctor Jenny. She got up to leave soon after, promising to get him his dinner, but he stayed where he sat, hiccupping every so often. The tears had dried, but the hole in his chest still hurt enough to make the pins in his nose start dancing again. He started tapping on his knees--one, two, three, four, all the way to six--the amount of “older” needed for the game to get harder.
v.
“Wow, that looks great, Cassie!” Lee smiled.
Cassie looked up with a huge grin, showcasing countless rows of razor-sharp teeth. She lunged off the side of her chair, tossed her crayons onto the table, scattering them all over her drawing of a rainbow, and tried to wrap her arms around Lee’s waist. Lee’s heart leaped into his throat and he quickly moved away, which made her stop. She flashed big, watery eyes at him--all-black, with no whites at the sides--and his stomach fell.
“I’m sorry, Cassie, you have to warn me!” he pleaded with her. He hated seeing her sad. Thinking quickly, he ran over to the corner where Judah stacked blocks with his long, thin tail, to a sloppily discarded fuzzy pink blanket. When Lee came close, Judah smiled.
“Hi, Judah, I’m gonna borrow this, ‘kay?” he kind-of-but-not-really asked. Judah nodded ferociously, hoping to tempt Lee to play with his agreeableness, but Lee walked away soon after, leaving Judah pouting. Lee draped the blanket over his shoulders and let it fall to his feet, covering his arms like a wizard’s robe that had been cut in half. He waddled back over to Cassie, kicking the fabric out in front of him so he wouldn’t trip.
When he finally reached her, he put his arms out wide with a grand, victorious huff. She fell into his warm, fuzzy chest and he squeezed her tight, grinning as he rested his cheek atop the blanket covering her head. They rocked like that for a bit. Cassie had a hole in her chest, too. Lee liked to fill it as much as he could--as much as he could before the panic started again.
“Lee,” a voice from the door commanded. Lee turned and Doctor Peter stood there, impatient. Lee looked at the clock and shrank a little. He shrugged out of the blanket-hug and went immediately for the door, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“Sorry, Doctor Peter,” he mumbled. Doctor Peter didn’t say anything and started walking. Lee followed quietly, obediently, two steps behind the doctor, his fist balled up in his pocket. The door to the playroom closed with a loud slice of metal slotting into place and they started down the long, clean hallway together.
His heart started to race. This might be his only chance. He didn’t even know if he would still be there. He very often wasn’t. Lee knew Doctor Peter was already kinda mad at him, so he tried to soften him. Just a little bit.
“I think I figured out how to keep the new superpowers quiet,” Lee baited, watching Doctor Peter carefully.
“We’ll see today,” Doctor Peter said, quite coldly and disinterested. Lee knew that tone of voice. It was disappointed. It sounded like Doctor Peter was giving up on him. Like pin-straight hair like smoke and not-dry laundry.
“Really, I can do it,” Lee tried, this time trying to cover the sharp pain in his chest coming from Doctor Peter’s rejection.
“Show me,” Doctor Peter warned, “Don’t just say it. Show me.”
The terror of being taken away again crept up on Lee so quickly he almost lost track of where they were walking. Lee was only barely tall enough to rise up on his toes and strain to peek into the window of the room they were approaching. In it, he saw a flash of pale white skin, nearly the same color as the scrubs all the children wore. None of the other children were that color; Lee would know, he knew all the children.
The fear of Doctor Peter’s disappointment and the anxiety of being caught rose up in his mouth like vomit. His body lit up like it was on fire, his muscles nearly cramping from the panic. So quickly, even as his fingers trembled, he grabbed at the little handle in the slot of the door where the guards brought food, and pulled it open. He yanked his fist out of his pants to shove what he’d hidden in his pocket into the opening. He slid the panel shut as quickly and quietly as he could before taking a few long strides to catch up with Doctor Peter, trying hard not to miss a beat. His heart pounded in his ears and he glanced at the window, though he couldn’t see any movement.
“The power you’re copying today is pretty intense. I hope you can make good on your word.” Doctor Peter said suddenly.
Lee looked up with wide eyes and finally exhaled. He didn’t even know he had been holding his breath. “I can,” he tried to say as calmly as possible. He glanced behind him at the window one more time and saw only a fraction of a hairless head standing near the door of the room before he turned the corner. He swallowed, chewing his lip on the rest of their walk to the training room.
The beanie baby he’d hidden in the fluffy blanket during afternoon play the day before had not been moved. He always complimented Cassie--like he complimented everyone--and Cassie always wanted a hug after, so none of the Doctors asked him about it. The cameras in the playroom couldn’t see him putting the hidden toy in his pocket from under the blanket and, if he’d thought about it right, his body blocked his arm moving from the camera in the hallway. If nothing else, it looked like a kid taking a curious peek in another kid’s room before following the Doctor again. Lee was always getting up on his toes to look into windows on his walks. This was nothing new.
If they did find out what he did, he never got into trouble for it.
And even if it felt like he was being electrocuted, over and over, for two-and-a-half minutes, he was able to keep the lightning superpower contained in his body. He tried what he’d been practicing: he locked up every muscle in his body, even held his breath for as long as he could, which was easier than he thought it would be. He ended up losing a wiggly tooth from clenching his teeth so hard, but he kept it all inside. He didn’t even scream. Doctor Peter nodded at him.
And a kid who was always alone had a new lobster friend.
It was a pretty good day.
vi.
“What happens to the person who loses the game?” Lee asked, never taking his eyes off the boy at the other end of the room. His body was coiled tight, his hands shaking from the electricity coursing through him, though the rest of him was still. He’d copied this power enough times by then that he could remain relatively relaxed and focused through the buzzing. Nothing new about it.
What was new was the boy at the other end of the room. Lee recognized him--or at least the top of his head. He didn’t understand why the first time they were meeting was like this, not in the playroom like everyone else. He didn’t like it.
“You only have two minutes and forty-five seconds before you lose your powers, Lee,” Doctor Peter warned.
The other boy turned his head to the Doctor, catching that little bit of information. He looked like a snake when he did that, quick and hungry and cold.
“What happens?!” Lee repeated, a little louder. The boy snapped back to watch Lee.
“No dinner,” Doctor Peter said simply. Lee couldn’t tell if he’d just decided that or if he’d known that all along.
“What?!” Lee asked in disbelief. He turned his body to Doctor Peter slightly, though he left himself some safety to bolt if the other boy decided to lunge. He didn’t know what kind of power the boy had. Lee didn’t want to be touched. “That’s not fair!”
“Two minutes and thirty seconds,” Doctor Peter sighed.
Lee immediately dropped to the ground and crossed his arms. He didn’t know what else to do. He felt so helpless and angry.
“Lee,” Doctor Peter sounded tired.
“No,” Lee stated, resolute. The hairless boy tilted his head.
“Lee, get up,” Doctor Peter said, a little more aggravated.
“I said. No,” Lee grit out, glaring back. He’d spent hours that day copying powers and letting Doctor Peter poke and prod him with needles. He was at his wit’s end and he was tired and hungry and, worse, he couldn’t imagine how tired and hungry the hairless boy must have been.
“Lee! Get up!” Doctor Peter yelled, finally pushing himself off the wall to walk towards Lee.
“No!” Lee yelled just as loud, staring right up at Doctor Peter, the electricity sitting deep in his gut turning into rage, “It’s not fair! I’m not playing a game if someone has to go to bed hungry! That’s not right! I said no!”
The hairless boy took a step forward and Lee felt instantly washed over with silence. Relief. The buzzing stopped. Doctor Peter stopped his advance and watched, bringing the stopwatch back up in front of him. Lee backed away by instinct, a thrill of fear coursing through him, but as he pulled himself back, the buzzing returned, his hands started shaking. Lee quickly pulled himself to his feet, watching the boy in quiet wonder. The boy watched him back in silent calculation. Lee stepped forward and the buzzing stopped and he breathed. He took another step, reaching his hand out, testing more. The boy’s face changed, his lip curling and his eyes going wild with confusion. The boy’s head dropped, like a tiger readying itself to pounce, and the buzzing in Lee’s body returned.
“Wait,” Lee begged softly, taking a few more steps forward. Every few steps, he would cross an invisible threshold and the buzzing would stop. He’d have a beautiful moment of silence. But every few steps, all the same, the threshold would shrink closer and closer to the boy in front of him. Lee kept chasing it, chasing the quiet, the peace until his hand nearly brushed the boy’s shoulder. When Lee came back to himself, he realized he had nearly forced the boy into a far corner. The boy was breathing short, shallow breaths and his fingers trembled as he gripped the wall behind him. Lee pulled his hand back immediately, holding it against his chest. He never wanted to scare him. He didn’t mean it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, turning to present his shoulder, “Here. You tag me. I don’t wanna win.”
“Fucking damn it, Lee,” Doctor Peter groaned. He waved his hand and went for the door. Suddenly, two big guardsmen entered the room behind him and the hairless boy grabbed his head and fell to the ground. Lee thought his expressionless face might have looked--a little afraid.
Without thinking, Lee stepped forward in front of the boy. “Stop it!” Lee shouted. The buzzing returned and so did the rage. The guards continued to advance, unphased by the threats of a child. White-hot, blinding anger seared across Lee’s vision. He was so tired, he was so, so tired of everyone being so afraid. He always did what he was told, he always obeyed and said sorry, he gave what he could spare and still. Still they could be so mean. Exhausted and cornered, Lee screamed out and a bolt of lightning shredded out from his body and careened into an opposite corner of the room. The sound of it tore through the air with a horrible pop.
He felt a sharp poke in his neck and blackness started to creep into the corners of his vision. Large hands grabbed at his arms and yanked, nearly pulling them out of the sockets. They lifted him into the air, even as he tried to thrash. “No!” he protested weakly, but his body went limp and he was carried out into darkness in seconds.
He wasn’t let into the playroom for a week. Instead, he was forced to train for hours until he was vomiting, but flawless. He received many lectures from Doctor Jenny on the importance of maintaining control.
But he knew he didn’t lose control. Not of the powers.
He’d have to work on that.
vii.
“You don’t like to talk, huh?” Lee asked.
The hairless boy didn’t say anything, only watched Lee from behind his knees.
“Doctor Jenny said we might make a good team one day,” Lee offered, continuing to ferry items over from various corners of the playroom. He’d already put a coloring book and a box of markers in front of the boy, but he didn’t seem interested. Then Lee tried a book-book with a stuffed bunny on the cover, but he didn’t want that either, so Lee started gathering scattered Legos into a plastic bin to bring over next.
“Maybe it’s because I talk a lot and you don’t talk at all.” He looked up with a smile, but the boy just kept glaring out of the corner of his eye. Lee shrugged. He understood. Lots of kids were shy during their first couple of days. Though, if he really thought about it, the boy had been there for a while, at least from the first time Lee saw him. Maybe he’d met other kids. Maybe they didn’t make a good first impression. He started walking over with the bin of Legos.
“I’m sorry about the other time I saw you,” Lee started, setting the bin down and sitting across from him. He picked up a few pieces and started joining them. “I wasn’t very nice.”
The boy didn’t speak or move, just watched Lee’s hands fish around for more of the right pieces to join.
Lee had an idea.
“Doctor Peter was really pinching my nerves.” Lee glanced up. The boy didn’t react. Lee kept building more. “Yeah, I was getting really red with anger.” Lee looked up again, eyes a little bigger and more expectant, but the boy didn’t budge. He was looking at the box of Legos. Lee frowned. He was running out of ideas.
Then, “I was getting almost as red as a lobster.”
The boy looked up.
It took everything inside Lee not to leap up with joy, and yet, he couldn’t keep it inside. He started cackling uncontrollably, grabbing the collar of his shirt to pull up over his face to hide. He leaned back, enjoying the thrill of being understood in his deepest, darkest secret, but he composed himself as quickly as he could, even if his mouth was still pinched, trying to hide his smile and conceal the lingering giggles. He tried to focus on building, but nothing seemed as important as their secret.
After a moment, and once the laughter died (though the smile didn’t), the boy reached into the bin and pulled out a single piece, slow and unsure.
Lee whispered his name to the boy, loving the feeling that they had things that were just for themselves, something that brought them together.
The boy grabbed another piece. They stayed separate, one in each hand. His eyes changed, then. He didn’t look so much like a snake then. He looked much, much more like a kid. The boy breathed and it had almost no sound, but Lee understood him with perfect clarity.
Lee decided Jesse would be his friend and the hole in his chest filled the tiniest bit.
viii.
Lee couldn’t get out of bed without being dragged out after seeing Jesse in the tube the first time. And even then, he refused to react, to play games, or talk with the other children. He couldn’t understand why they would do this. He couldn’t forgive them for it.
“If you keep this up, they’ll kill you.”
Lee blinked at Doctor Jesse.
“If you’re mad, figure out how to make it work for you, or you die.”
So he did.
ix.
Sixty new mutations in one month. That was the deal. They only took him into the city on weekdays--and not even every weekday--which meant he really only had twenty days, which meant he needed to copy three every day he was out. Some days he was able to copy four or five, but that only made up for the deficit left on other days. Over two years of training, he’d gotten very good at holding and storing the mutations; the needles and blood-draws didn’t bother him at all anymore. He was even able to test some of the powers in secret and inform the doctors what he was storing. No, the keeping wasn’t hard, it was the finding. Finding any mutant was difficult enough without Lee touching every stranger on the street; finding sixty completely unique mutants was nearly impossible in such a short time.
But sixty was the deal and sixty he provided.
Once the last vial of blood had been drawn, Lee looked up at Doctor Peter expectantly. Looking up made his lashes feel even heavier, but he didn’t care. He wanted his prize for winning.
Lee didn’t speak out of turn as often anymore, but Doctor Peter addressed him after a few seconds of feeling Lee stare him down, “What?”
“I got sixty-two,” Lee replied. There wasn’t any new genetic information in that vial. At least Lee didn’t think so. Because his mutation only lasted four minutes at a time, any time he copied a power, he had to sprint for the van waiting for him to get his blood drawn. When they returned to the lab, they always drew one last vial as a control group. The boring blood. He felt a cough nearing, but he stifled it. He didn’t want Doctor Peter to have any excuses.
“And?” Doctor Peter asked, not turning from organizing the vials of Lee’s blood.
“You promised.” Lee stifled a pout. He wasn’t a child anymore. He was eight years old. He wasn’t going to whine.
“Did I?” Doctor Peter tossed over his shoulder. He went back to clinking the tiny glasses around.
“You agreed,” Lee corrected. He thought that sounded a little more mature.
“Mm,” Doctor Peter mused. He turned around finally and his face was—different. It reminded Lee of what he used to look like, years ago. Softer. “Okay, go head to the playroom. I’ll bring him in.”
Lee couldn’t stop his eyes from getting big. He rolled his sleeve down and hurried off the chair, but stopped at the door before turning around and hurrying to Doctor Peter. He puffed up his chest and extended his hand. He saw the men in suits do this. He felt a little silly, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Doctor Peter’s face changed and he took Lee’s hand.
Lee shook Doctor Peter’s hand with one, mature shake. “Thank you, sir,” he said, trying desperately not to sound so excited, before hurrying back out the door.
Lee burst into the playroom, which he knew would be empty at this time of day. The others were probably having dinner or evening lessons, so Lee took the opportunity to gather all of the books and activities and new toys Jesse hadn’t seen yet. When new things came in, Lee tried hard not to touch them. Mostly to save the newness for the younger kids, but also so that he could experience the newness with Jesse. He didn’t want to do them and then pretend he’d never done them before. That would be dishonest. He laid all the new items out in the corner they usually sat in, chose a beanbag for himself, draped the fuzzy pink blanket over his body, and waited, butterflies in his stomach and a grin unmoving from his face.
...
When Lee opened his eyes again, Jesse was sitting on the ground next to him, resting his chin on one knee and leafing through one of the books. Something hot and bright scurried through Lee’s body and he shot forward, tackling Jesse to the ground.
Jesse seemed smaller in his arms, somehow, but Lee didn’t mind.
“Jesse! Why didn’t you wake me up?!” He nosed into Jesse’s cheek, which felt cold and soft.
Jesse made a tiny sound that Lee learned to mean “I don’t want to bother you” and “I’m sorry” all at once before balling his fists up in Lee’s shirt.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep, but don’t do that!” Lee scolded. He didn’t wait for Jesse to answer before he untangled himself from the blanket he wrapped them up in when he leaped from the beanbag. He gently righted Jesse next to him. “What are you reading? Is it good?”
Jesse made an unsure sound, then, quietly, “It’s okay.”
Lee squeezed up next to Jesse, “Okay! I’ll read it with you. You turn the page whenever you’re ready.”
Jesse hid his hands between his legs. “We don’t have to,” he mumbled.
“Do you want to?” Lee asked, leaning forward and turning his head so he could look at Jesse. “And don’t say no because you think that’s what I want! Tell me what you reeeeeally want!”
Jesse looked away, then looked back at Lee. He twisted his mouth and looked away again, his breaths going shallow. Lee waited for him. He was always happy waiting for Jesse, especially if they got to do what Jesse really wanted to do. He really liked when Jesse got to do what he wanted. Jesse never got that.
“I want you to pick,” Jesse admitted.
“Okay!” Lee said, looking around at their treasure trove of new toys. Jesse relaxed deeply when Lee accepted his answer, finally allowing his weight to fall onto Lee. Lee reached for a puzzle book and a box of crayons and put it in front of them. He hadn't tried it yet and he knew Jesse would like the puppies on the cover. He handed the crayons to Jesse and wiggled deeper into the blanket. He could do the activities anytime. He liked watching Jesse do them.
As Jesse took on each puzzle, one by one, methodical and clean, Lee sank deeper into Jesse’s shoulder, his exhaustion returning with a vengeance. The flipping of the pages was soothing. He yawned twice in the span of one maze and it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open.
“We don’t have to play,” Jesse finally whispered. He sounded sad.
Lee sat up instantly, blinking hard, “No, I’m sorry!” Jesse dropped the crayon and reached for Lee’s arm under the blanket. He pulled and Lee went willingly, falling back onto Jesse’s shoulder. He breathed in deep and sighed.
“Why are you so tired?” Jesse asked.
“Just training,” Lee mumbled. He felt more comfortable there in the crook of Jesse’s neck than he did on the beanbag, even.
“No lies,” Jesse mumbled, his hand weaving under the blanket to hold Lee’s hand.
Lee went a little pink before closing his eyes. It burned, but in a really nice way. “Harder training than ever before,” he amended. He didn’t want Jesse to know. He didn’t know why he thought it should stay a secret, but it felt better than Jesse feeling bad for how hard Lee had to work. “Let me borrow your stars,” Lee asked.
Jesse squeezed Lee’s hand with the effort it took, but soon enough, it was beautifully quiet. No whirring of the AC, no echo of the speaker behind the mirrored glass, nothing but Jesse’s heartbeat right under his ear. With each th-thump, a new star emerged behind his eyes, a collection of teal and orange and red and green. Lee practically purred, nosing in deeper and letting the universe pour out from his body onto Jesse. Jesse let out the tiniest noise on the tail of an exhale, almost like a whimper. Lee scooted in closer, replying with a noise of his own to let him know it was okay. It was warm, right there, and the hole in his chest felt full again.
They both sank a bit deeper into each other, a maze left unfinished at their feet.
x.
Lee fell to his knees and a howl of unimaginable pain tore its way out of him.
It was gone. All of it. Leveled.
It’d only been two weeks. He found a phaser to pay for a vial of blood. He had planned with such precision, down to the last detail, from the attic of an abandoned building. And it was gone, only the footprint of the foundation remaining.
They knew. What would hurt him the worst. They might not ever find him, he might run until the sun burns out. He was smart enough to do it, too. But they knew. What would hurt. What would punish him the most. And it did.
And Lee was. Empty. For the first time in years, the wind bellowed through the hole in his chest. They didn’t even leave so much as a fucking piece of paper.
Jesse was gone. Dead, maybe. It felt like it. Like laundry that never quite dried.
If he had known, he never would have left. If he had known, he would have ripped Jesse from his tube. If he had known, if he had known, if he had known.
But he didn’t know.
Then Jesse was gone.
And the universe with it.