I long for companionship, yet I desire for no one to get close enough in fear that one of us, or the both of us, will be sorely disappointed and too damaged to carry on in our relationship. I fear my past mistakes will be repeated, or that you will no longer love me like you did before you knew the real me. Maybe I've been around the wrong people for too long, but I may not be as easy to love as you first may think. Life has proven to me that living is hard, and living with others is harder, especially when you struggle on a daily basis to love yourself, and that it makes it even harder for those you love to love the real you, because all they can see is a silly mess--the way I see myself. But I am lovable--even I am still learning that. I'm a strange, complicated, emotional, silly mess. And God is still turning me into something more beautiful than I can imagine. So please, be patient with me, and be kind and understanding. I am always growing, I never stop. I am still healing from the past.