One More Question ... Part 1
I check my phone for the hundredth time, and roll my eyes at my weakness; I have to do better than that. I keep trying to tell myself that its for some other stupid reason, but I always know in the back of my mind it’s to check if I missed any messages form him. “Focus on the road Kida.” I say to myself, hoping that maybe if I heard it I might actually listen. I really did need to focus, I had to make it back to VA for work, and I’ve already hit some unexpected traffic. This weekend was my escape, to clear my head and focus on what’s important, but this drive back is like a splash of cold water. I will soon be back in reality with almost nothing figured out.
It was hard to admit it to myself but I took this trip to figure out my feelings for him. I wanted to say it was because I missed my family, and I really wanted to go to the beach. And of course both of these things where true, but he was always a constant thought in the back of my mind. Oh how bad I wanted him there with me, to just relax and enjoy the sun, maybe we would see a different side to each other that we haven’t seen yet. But our schedules are too different, I only have the weekends off and he is always working. How did I think we could make this work?
My eyes immediately flick up to my phone as the screen lights up, hope blossoming in my chest unwillingly at the thought of seeing his name on my screen. But my hope is quickly diminished, as my best friends name, Bree, pops up on my screen. I press my finger against the thumb pad and my texts open up. She wants to know how my weekend went, but do I even know how it went? I lock my screen, and adjust my phone in its holder so I can still see my GPS when I need too, I shouldn’t be texting and driving anyway.
That’s when I knew I was in too deep, when the sight of his name excites me more than the girl who has been with me through thick and thin. She thinks we would be great for each other, and encourages me to go after him. She’s always been so supportive of my decisions, and that’s why I decided that I needed this trip. Everyone knows him, everyone knows we are talking and he always seems to be brought up no matter how much I avoid it. I needed to be away from everyone and decide for myself, is he the right guy for me? Am I wasting my time?
It started so simple; we worked together at a small little restaurant and barely talked. We had our small conversations here and there, but it was never anything serious. Then one day I walked in and looked at him and everything changed, my crush on him developed quickly. And I knew he noticed that I was acting different. The way my cheeks would turn red whenever he talked to me, the way my face lit up when he walked in for his shift, the times he caught me staring at him while he was working.
Our conversations got longer, and deeper, you could almost say we told each other everything. Then one day he asked me for my number, he wanted to take this to the next level, so of course I said yes. It started off so great, we texted all day, everyday. We even hung out a few times, I’m not sure if you could call them dates, but I didn’t mind, we where just taking things slow.
Of course thing slowed down, he would take a little while to reply but he always apologized even though I was never mad. “Its okay. Your allowed to have a life and not text me every second of everyday” I had said to him and we both laughed. So he stopped apologizing and things where still good, daily texts, and I even met his friends. And it stayed good for a few more months, even after I found another job, until we got to where we are now.
Its been days since he last texted me, and I try not to let it bother me to much. But my mind can’t help but wonder why. Is he really that busy? Does he get annoyed when I text him now? Or worse, is he talking to someone else? I know the last one is unlikely; he has always been very forthcoming about the girls that try to talk to him. He always told me where he was going and whom he was with, I never even asked him once. But what am I supposed to think when he won’t talk to me anymore?
He has done this once before, last weekend, and I let him off the hook when he finally texted me because my Bree said too. “Give him one more chance,” she had said to me, “Don’t let him see how petty you are just yet.” So I took her advice and things went back to normal for a week or so, now it’s the weekend again and we are right back in the same situation. I was too scared to ask him why he was acting like that, I couldn’t let him know that he hurt me by ignoring me; my pride wouldn’t allow it just yet. Because what if I was the only one thinking all of this time we had spent texting and hanging out was going to lead to something more?
My grip tightens on the steering wheel as my anger flares; I hope for his sake that he didn’t waste my time like that. I’ve made it very clear the entire time that I liked him but he never said it back, I always took it as him just wanting to take things slow but was I mistaken? I had about 20 minutes left of my drive, and used that to start forming a plan to get an answer out of this elusive man. I cannot waste my time anymore; because it is precious, this weekend helped me realize that.
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It’s almost midnight and my shift is almost over, I checked snapchat not to long ago and saw he was at his friend’s house. Perfect, he’s not at work so if he takes forever to reply I know its because he doesn’t want to talk to me. I wait for my coworker to get fully settled in before I leave and head to my car. I was going to wait until I got home to text him so I could give this my full attention but I’m nervous and getting impatient. I decide to text him now so I don’t chicken out and give him some time to respond. I set my plan into motion with a simple “Can I ask you something?” and slip my phone into my purse and quickly get into my car.
I hear my phone vibrate as I start the car and pull it out expecting a text from Bree, she always knows when I’m up to something. But I was surprised to see his name on my screen, his immediate response has thrown me off a little but its only texting, he can’t see my face. “What’s up” was his reply and I continue with my plan and ask him what TV show I should watch tonight, something stupid to catch his interest, hopefully he takes the bait. His response was almost immediate again, but I need to get home so he’s going to have to wait this time.
I used the red lights as my opportunities to reply to him, I didn’t want him to lose interest. We debated over TV shows for a while until I finally decided on what I wanted to watch. As soon as I pressed send I could almost feel him putting me in the back of his mind, he had done his part and made me happy now he could focus on something else. I knew he wasn’t busy, his quick replies had proved that, and now came the moment of truth. “One more question,” I typed out, my stomach was in knots over this simple little text, I took a deep breath to calm myself and kept typing. “Where is this going?’ I quickly pressed send before I could convince myself this was bad idea, and waited for a response.
But a response never came; my phone screen didn’t light up again for the rest of my ride home. Disappointment flooded through my body as I parked my car, I thought he was better than this. I leaned my head back on the headrest and exhaled roughly, I mean this is what I wanted right? I wanted answers, and yes he didn’t give me an actual answer but his silence is answer enough. I’m just tired, tired of the bullshit, and I desperately need a shower and sleep.
I force myself out of my car and into my apartment; I wave and give a weak smile to my roommate and her friends before making a beeline straight for my room. Within a minute I was in the shower, letting the hot water run down my body and loosen the tension I didn’t know I was still holding onto. I guess we weren’t meant to be, and that’s okay. That’s not even the part that bothers me the most; it’s the fact that he didn’t tell me he didn’t want the same things. I would’ve been perfectly fine being friends, but he didn’t even give me the chance to explain that.
I reluctantly step out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel, I open the door to the bathroom and go out into my room and grab my lotion. A loud knock on my door scares me so much that the lotion slipped out of my hand and hit the floor. Next, anger floods through my body, why the hell would my roommate let her friends knock on my door like that. I stomp over to my door and swing it open, forgetting I’m still only in a towel, ready to curse out whoever had the nerve to bang on my door like a cop.
My words die in my mouth as I look up into brown eyes that I’ve become very familiar with in these last few months. He smirks and he puts his hand on my naked shoulder and pushes me backwards as he steps into my room and closes the door. “Hello Kida,” He says, that smirk still on his face. I take a deep breath and brace myself for whatever game he is about to try and play.
“Larry.”













