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BLOODSPORT (80s Metal Homage To Jean Claude Van Damme) Release Cassette Edition of EP Lethal Tender

L-R – Dragos B. – Guitar, Jan Loncik – Vocals + Drums & Bass (studio), Joey Kolsteren – Lead Guitar What do you get when you combine Jean Claude Van Damme with classic 80’s metal? You get Bloodsport, a heavy metal tribute to the one and only Belgian martial artist/actor. Their first Ep “Kumite Attack” was released in 2018 and the year’s “Lethal Tender” is a cut above with tighter drumming,…

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#80&039;s Metal #Bloodsport #Cassette Edition #Jean Claude Van Damme #Lethal Tender #New EP

Lethal Tender (1997)

Spoilers ahead!

Lethal Tender (1997) has been described as a knock-off of Die Hard with pretensions of Reservoir Dogs set in a water treatment plant. And...well, it is, but don't let the unpromising premise deter you. If you're a Kim Coates fan, you have to see this movie, because it is awesome.

Kim plays Montessi who - technically - is the chief henchman of the head bad guy Mr Turner (played by Gary Busey's teeth), but in practice is both the principal villain and the main character. Jeff Fahey and Carrie-Anne Moss are the good guys, but they don't do anything very memorable.

Montessi, on the other hand, is one of the snarkiest, cleverest, funniest characters Kim has ever played. He and his band of implausibly-named mooks ('Sparky'; 'Banjo'; 'Pogo' - we're not making these up) take hostages in the aforementioned water treatment plant - no one can say that Coates movies don't take him to exotic locations - as a cover for a major bearer bonds robbery.

But forget the plot. This movie is all about Montessi's magnificent bastardry. He quotes Shakespeare; he recites facts about Wisconsin; he's gleefully mean to a little girl and her grandfather. He snarks like a champ and mocks everyone and everything. We suspect some of his more spontaneous dialogue was ad-libbed.

He has a towering opinion of his own genius, and for the most part it's warranted - at least until he makes the classic villain mistake of not killing the good guys when he has the chance. Even then his inevitable sticky end comes as a result of his own actions rather than anything the pretty ineffectual Fahey manages to do.

In summary, this is Montessi's movie, and he even Bond-one-liners his own death. Now that's what we call a villain!

Also, oddly, the opening credits are really reminiscent of the Sons of Anarchy credits.

Fangirl highlights

Being partial to a bit of snark ourselves (we're English, we can't help it), Montessi's constant sarcasm is glorious, and it's great to see Kim racking up some serious screentime.

We're big fans of Kim's late-'90s look, with the short hair and the short beard, and this is a brilliant movie for that.

The moment when Montessi snogs an (unwilling) Carrie-Anne Moss is worth watching a couple of times. Just to be sure.

TTC (Time to Coates): 0:10:15 TTCD (Time to Coates death): 1:25:05

Kim quota rating: ❤❤❤❤❤

It doesn't get much better than this. Despite being the villain, Kim's top billed, and he probably does get more screentime than anyone else. This is one of the hardest movies we've had to screencap because he's just in it so much!

Overall rating: ★★★★

Is Lethal Tender a brilliant movie? We'd have to concede it isn't. But Kim's performance elevates it above the bog-standard, and it's actually really enjoyable so long as you aren't expecting too much by way of flashy stunts or high-quality acting from the rest of the cast or a plot that isn't hokey.

KC Tropes (What are tropes?)

Character tropes

Scumbag: It hurts us to even say this about Montessi because we love him so much. But yes, he's a murdering, thieving, hostage-taking, bomb-rigging, little-girl-tormenting scumbag. It doesn't make him a bad person! Okay, it does.

Magnificent Bastard: A genius magnificent bastard, at that, and he gets all of the good lines. All of them.

Death tropes

Coatesed: Drives off an unfinished bridge in a van that then blows up. Though, honestly, it makes absolutely no sense, and we're pretty sure they just realised that the movie was almost over and they had to kill him off before the credits rolled. BOO!

Just Won't Die: He survives driving off the bridge long enough to deliver a one-liner before the explosion. He also survives a shotgun to the chest earlier in the movie (he was wearing a vest! Rule number one in the bad guy handbook!)

Sex tropes

Skeevy Predator: A milder instance than normal for a Coates villain - he doesn't force himself too heinously on Carrie-Anne Moss...

Unsmooth Operator: ...who spits in his face for his troubles, though he doesn't seem overly deterred by that. We don't understand what's wrong with her, silly woman! She obviously doesn't know people are queuing up for a kiss from this man.

Kiss Me, Coatesy: As above.

General tropes

"And" credit: Not this exactly, but he is first credited, which is really rare.

Badass Longcoat(es): Kim looks like a linebacker in this movie. We're not sure if it's him or the coat or both, but his shoulders look massive. And we like it!

Body Count: Hard to keep an accurate count, but he shoots and drowns quite a few people.

Brass Monkeys: There's snow on the ground and everyone looks frozen.

Call Child Protection: He's very mean to a little girl. Probably scarred her for life.

Canadian Canadians in Canada: Filmed in Toronto (where else?)

Did He Really Just Say That: He has too many outrageous lines to count - but he sells them all. "It would appear the perfect crime is now just a...pretty good crime".

Fashion Victim: The scumbag earring makes a triumphant return! And Montessi has the kind of terrible tie that you only found in the '90s. (We don't know how long this movie took to shoot, but he would have had to put on that nasty tie every single day. Suffering for his art.)

Hostage Situation: A whole crowd of them. He only kills one of them, and he totally deserved it. Well, unless you count the plant employees he...er, killed.

Penguin Voice: Lots of them. Often. WisCONsin.

What Fucking Swearing: In moments of particular stress he does exhibit quite the sweary side.

You Look Familiar: Carrie-Anne Moss (F/X: The Series), Jeff Fahey (CSI: Miami).

How it should have ended:

Montessi should have shot Fahey and Moss during any of the many times when he had the chance. Then he could have driven off into the sunset with all his money and retired to a villain island somewhere to watch Shakespeare, learn more pointless trivia, and drink a piña colada or two.

Gimme Gimme Gimme:

Buy Lethal Tender (Deadly Currents) at Amazon.com

Buy Lethal Tender at Amazon.co.uk

#kim coates #lethal tender #reviews #movies #the 1990s #1997 #rare coates