Jul 6, 2021
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Letter #72 - Dear Tori,
I'm positive you get this a lot, but you are absolutely perfect. From your voice, that smile that has me infatuated, your golden locks lol, to your AMAZING personality. You're one of those girls that comes around 1 in a hundred years and helps make the world a better place, and that's one of the many things i love about you.
This might not be very popular coming from a guy, but your music is inspirational. And it helps me get through rough days. Just the sound of your voice through my headphones or my car speakers can turn my day around, as well as my frown upside down.
Also, this might sound crazy, but i hope to one day meet you and talk to you. Not just as a fan to Tori, but as Me to Tori. Like you say, 'Call me crazy, but maybe you'd like to get to know me?' <3 lol. :)
I hope you do read this and it puts a smile on your face just like you do to me. Keep being the Tori Kelly we all fell in love with, and i can't wait to see you at the top of the music industry. I'll always be a fan!
Sincerely, sisco(: ( http://sisco323.tumblr.com/ ) (siscomma)
- Pegah
Letter #72: The In Crowd
Dear Ohio,
I'm not in the 'in crowd.'
...and I kind of like it that way.
I was recently attended a celebrity toy drive in Hollywood. I was excited to go because I missed the one last year and a friend of mine invited me...and she put me on the 'Free' list lol. (This is always an incentive to go to an event.)
So I grabbed my self wrapped toy and journeyed down to LALA land.
After going on a scavenger hunt for parking on Hollywood blvd, I get into the club. First of all, I'm mad late (extremely late for the slang impaired) so the happening is already happening. Girls are stumbling out, guys are sharing bar stories, and I'm passing them on the way inside with undrinkstained clothes and a new toy.
I walk inside looking for someone I know.
I see no one. Oh, then I see one guy that I kind of know from Ohio. We chat for 77 seconds and that dies. Quick. I'm alone so I don't have anyone to talk about how I don't know anyone here with. I'm walking around and I see girls looking for a secure back up plan to their independence and I see guys in the middle of their mating calls. (these observations could very well be from the lens of a person who is frustrated about not being in the in crowd) It's strikingly funny how in a room with seismic graph charting speakers and a DJ playing all your favorite music, people would rather talk. But I digress...
I feel alone, because I don't feel cool.
There's no one saying "Hi! Antoine! I'm acting like I miss you a whole lot so that I'm not being rude because I really don't" or "What's up man, I see out there grinding, keep up the good work fam" or my personal favorite "When is your next show because I want to act like I don't follow you on twitter, instagram, Facebook email, and text when I ignore the notification about it."
Somehow that fakeness feels real to me.
And that's sad. That I'm excited about being looked down on by the hob knobbers and butt kissers. "Everyone who is somebody is going to be here tonight. It'll be good networking for you." No one really gives you the time of day until you prove something to them anyways.
I'm fooling myself.
So I didn't force anything. I knew a couple of girls there, so I spoke to them. I walked one to her car and we talked for a bit, and I left. Yes, when we're accepted into a crowd, it feels good to be a part of a community, but now I know that it's important to be careful which community we thrust ourselves into. Fitting in could squeeze you out.
I cannot really remember one time in my life when I have fit in.
I have tried to, and it works on the outside, but when people get to know me, they ALWAYS say "You're different." I think the fact is that we are all different in our core, but we're afraid to let it out. One song that I love says
" I think that all the silence is worse than all the violence
Fear is such a weak emotion that's why I despise it We scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth So scared of what you think of me, I’m scared of even telling you Sometimes I’m like the only person I feel safe to tell it to I’m locked inside a cell in me, I know that there’s a jail in you"
We silence our natural desire to stand out in order to not feel like an outcast. Which begins the death of of our God given originality.
We love Cee-Lo Green for being weird, we love Janelle Monae for being weird, we love Kanye West for being weird, we love Prince for being weird, we love Michael Jackson for being weird, and the list goes on and on for weird people who we love. What would the world be if they tucked their tails and ran with the pack?
I must now get used to the fact that I will never fit in...and that's a good thing.
Merry Christmas!!!
I hope you live before you die,
Antoine