It's suffocating, you know, trying to unlove someone with every inch of your soul, knowing that every inch of you is in love with the very same person. Knowing that you don't have a chance together.. that all the eye contact and the innocent touches, the fire you catch in your heart when you're so damn jealous is just a wasted temporary happiness you felt with all your heart and soul. Even the fights and the makeups after that were so depressing at the time, but now your heart aches for one big fight ending with you two crossing the boundaries you drew and melting your ice cold hearts into each other's.. hugging the life out of your exhausted selves .. collecting all your burnt ashes and broken pieces inside of his mouth feeling the bitter taste of your story lines on his lower lip, listening to your song rhyming with the beats of his heart. But now as you can't, you stay there watching your safe love life lash out, wishing you could go back to when you were holding his hand and actively, with every cell in your body, wishing that all the clocks in the world will stop clicking and you'll stay like this forever. Now as you can't, you try to restrain your big broken heart into a very tiny box to keep it from running after your love and hug the shit out of you both. Even when you know it's not right to stay behind watching your happiness fade away, you stay away. Because life is utterly, extremely, vigorously unfair for good people. So you stay away with a knife in your heart, and everytime life hits your one and only and you can not do anything about it, the knife stabs you deeper and deeper, my dear.
Finally, I got you a piece of advice you shouldn't listen to, don't fall in love. However, I know you can not help it, so just fall in love with someone you can bear all the stabbing for.