(see link for a video on this episode that captured literally all of my reactions and will undoubtedly capture yours too)
Manager: You found that stolen Monet in Florence, saved your company a $25 million payout. That identity-theft case, you saved $15 million.
+
nate sees .00005 seconds of normal life and yeets the hell out
- - - - -
(The lobby is teaming with people when Nate walks in. A sign shows that Sophie is starring in The Sound of Music. He sees Parker at the ticket counter)
Parker: Picking up for one.
Ticket Agent: Last name?
Parker: Parker.
Ticket Agent: First name?
Parker: No. Just one name.
Ticket Agent: Great. I hope you enjoy it.
(Parker turns to see Nate across the room and smiles)
Hardison: Parker?
(Parker looks to her right to see Hardison. The sound of Eliot’s laughter from across the lobby draws Hardison’s attention)
Eliot (to women): All right. After the show, then. I'll see you.
(Eliot turns and sees the others. The all meet in the center of the lobby)
Nate: Eliot.
Parker: Nate.
Hardison: Parker.
Eliot: Hardison.
Eliot: So, how have you...
Nate: Good. Good. Great. You?
Eliot: Fantastic. Six months of traveling. Did a couple of big jobs.
Hardison: eah. Me, too. Great off time. Well, I bought an oxygen tank. Cool, nice.
Parker: Yeah, super. I've been really super, too.
Nate: Yeah, she didn't tell me that you guys would..
this is that dinner scene from shrek 2 right???
also, parker’s lil smile when she sees nate, hardison’s big smile when he sees parker + hardison says parker and eliot says hardison = ot3 acknowledging each other
- - - - -
Hardison: I didn't know you could sing.
Sophie: You know. Not as well as I act, but, yeah.
Hardison: Oh
- - - - -
Sophie: Uhhgh…
Hardison: Yeah, you know, I'm sure the reviews will be...
(Sophie hands Hardison her phone)
Hardison: …on the news website already.
Parker (grabs the phone): Really? Wow. "Never before has a production of 'The Sound Of Music' made me root for the Nazis. (Hardison gestures something like ‘WHY’ to Parker and she gestures something like ‘JDJSJSJ SORRY’ back)
POOR SOPHIE LMFAO
- - - - -
Sophie: No. No, no, no. Stop it. There is nothing you can say that's gonna make me feel better.
Parker: I know what could make you feel better. We should steal something.
Nate: No, no.
Sophie: Yes! We could do it together.
Eliot: I like this. Get right back up on the bike.
Parker: Bike of crime.
Nate: Didn't you earlier tell me how great your new lives were?
Parker: Yeah, well, I stole the Hope Diamond.
Nate: What?
Parker: (Everyone looks surprised. Eliot looks like he is going to say something.) And then I put it back. Yeah, 'cause I was bored. Didn't care.
Hardison: I spent three days hacking the white house e-mail. No buzz.
Nate: See?
Hardison: But we are doing some pretty hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.
Sophie: Look, I'm miserable. They're miserable. (to Eliot) Okay, what have you been doing the last six months?
Eliot: I was in Pakistan. (Parker grins)
Hardison: You see what you did? You took the world's best criminals, hitter, hacker, grifter, thief, you took us, and you broke us.
Nate: No, no. I-I, what I did, I taught you how to help people. That's all.
Parker: Exactly.
Sophie: Yeah.
Eliot: This is the problem, with being the good guy. It gets under your skin.
Sophie: Look, Nate. You have to have some poor, little lost soul somewhere who needs a little extra-legal aid.
Nate: Look, we all agreed that we'd just move on.
Sophie: Yeah, but we're... We're thieves.
Nate: Not me. Look, it was great. It was fun. It was wonderful while it lasted, but I was drunk most of the time, to be honest with you. And I… A little crazy.
Eliot: Yeah, but you were good.
Parker: You were the best.
Hardison: We were the best.
Parker: Yeah.
Nate: Listen, really, I owe all of you. And I'm very proud of what we did. I-I really am. But I got my life back, and I intend to keep it that way. And I am not a thief. (stands up) It was great to see all of you. Good night. (leaves)
BIKE OF CRIME + also bruh let them have their found family, nate
- - - - -
(Nate enters the dim room and looks around. Behind him, the Thug opens the door and comes at him with a knife. Nate sees the reflection in a pot lid and turns to block the blow. Sophie comes in behind the Thug)
Sophie: Oi! Does your mother sew? (headbutts Thug) Stitch that.
(Thug runs out of the condo. Nate runs out after him, but Thug gets away. As he reenters the condo, Sophie hits him in the head with a cookie sheet and Nate falls to the floor)
Sophie: Ah! Bugger
she tried, your honor + her tough talk and then AH BUGGER
- - - - -
(the next morning, Nate wakes up on the couch to the sound of Parker eating. Parker is wearing a Nun’s habit, smiles and moves away. Sophie comes downstairs wearing Nate’s shirt)
Nate: That's my shirt.
Sophie: Yeah. I stayed the night to make sure you were okay. You what? But don't worry. I didn't look under your bed. I know that's where guys keep weird, kinky stuff.
Nate: There's nothing under my bed.
Parker (opens cupboard): This is all coffee.
Nate: Get out of there! (sees Hardison and Eliot at the table) What are you guys doing? (gets up) Come on, get out of here. Get all this stuff out of here. You're planning something. I know it. Come on. Get out of my house.
...
Hardison: Look, nobody else is gonna help that guy and his little girl. Okay, that's what we do. We help people. By the way, I compared Sophie's description of your attacker to the accident footage from the security camera.
(Hardison pushes a few buttons on the laptop and zooms in on the Thug’s face to begin a facial recognition search through various cameras in the area)
Hardison: Do you realize, on average, people are caught on security cameras 13 times a day? ATM cameras, traffic cameras. It's crazy, man, but we can track him. We can. Well, I lost him in this.
Eliot: Yeah, well, I found this empty briefcase belonging to a Matt Kerrigan at that intersection.
...
Eliot: Yeah, well, the problem is, these two cats went down to the safety deposit boxes.
Parker: Which is the only room in every bank, with absolutely no cameras.
Hardison: Which means we up, baby. (puts on a priest’s collar) They tried to kill Kerrigan for what was in the briefcase. We're gonna steal it back.
Eliot (laughs): She was dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con.
Nate: What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?
Eliot: It's Parker.
...
(Nate walks away)
Sophie (to Eliot): So, you going?
Eliot: I'm not going anywhere. The man has 700 sports channels.
Sophie: You want to see what he's got under his bed?
Eliot: N-no, I do not.
Sophie: Icky
- - - - -
(Parker opens her Bible to reveal a lock duplication kit with a depression in the plastic of the master key)
[Flashback]
(Parker takes the key from the Bank Manager’s pocket as Hardison talks, pressing the key into the form before replacing it into the Bank Manager’s pocket)
Hardison: And the children... The children thank you. They will send you a card just as soon as we buy them tiny pencils. And teach them how to spell. It's a two-step process, you see.
[Bank Vault]
Parker: Superglue and a heat-activated polymer to set it. Seven seconds, instant plastic key. (hands Hardison the Bible) Shake it.
Hardison: What?
Parker: Shake the bible.
Hardison: This is even more wrong.
(Hardison: takes the Bible and begins shaking it while Parker picks box 5076)
they’re so competent ugh
- - - - -
Hardison: I did look for you. For six months.
HE LOOKED FOR HER FOR SIX MONTHS
- - - - -
Parker: I think people are like locks. Really complicated and frustrating. But you can't force them. You have to take time and be fiddly.
Hardison: Fiddly?
Parker: You learn to be patient, and just wait until you hear the...
(the lock opens and the door swings wide)
- - - - -
(Hardison is sitting on the couch going through some paperwork and working on a laptop. Several boards have been set up with information about the case)
Nate: Now, this is not "gone." This is "more."
Hardison: Yeah, I, uh, I scanned the documents in Leary's box, but I wanted to print out a few pages.
Nate: I asked—I asked Eliot to get rid of this stuff. Now there's more stuff.
Hardison: Did you? Oh, we-we crossed, but didn't see each other. He didn't tell me.
Nate: Oh, that's how you're gonna play this?
Hardison: Oh, man. Look... (stands up and sniffs)
Nate: What?
Hardison: Is that... What is that aroma? That's that apple shampoo that's open.
Nate: You've been up in my shower, rummaging around?
Hardison: Man's in a strange bathroom, he's got a lot of time to kill... Nate, Nate, Nat-
I CANNOT
- - - - -
Nate: Grew up in the same neighborhood. The O'Hares are mobbed up. These are all mob businesses you're talking about here.
Hardison: Mob?
Nate: Where's Eliot?
Hardison: Oops.
Nate: What?
[Warehouse]
(Eliot is going through boxes when his phone rings. He answers)
Eliot: Yeah, Hardison. This is the third place I checked. It's all the same. What do you mean mob?
Thug: Hey!
(three men approach, one of them the Thug, who has his nose bandaged and is carrying a baseball bat)
Eliot: Oh, that mob. (hangs up)
hardison’s “whoops” followed by I HAVE TO WARN MY BOYFRIEND + in this episode we have eliot using a baseball bat as a weapon which is yet another piece in the continuation of eliot using things as weapons that are not supposed to be used as weapons
+ he apologizes to the guy that just had a nose job for beating him up and punching him in the nose he’s baby
- - - - -
(Nate opens the refrigerator to find it full of Hardison’s orange soda)
Nate: Seriously?
(Nate turns to see the island covered in food and dishes)
Nate: You know, guys, there is a dishwasher here.
Eliot: You're out of ice.
he literally can’t get rid of them + also I WONDER whose orange soda that is
- - - - -
parker robot dancing in the 80s jacket and looking DIRECTLY at eliot lmfao
- - - - -
Nate: What? Sophie, how do you catch mob guys?
Sophie: Ah, two glasses of Chianti and a story about my grandma in Sicily
- - - - -
Nate: Well, yeah. I mean, if you have a body in the trunk of your car, you're gonna drive under the speed limit, aren't you?
Parker: You know, when you're sober, your metaphors get creepier
- - - - -
eliot and parker sitting next to each other? cute
- - - - -
Hardison: Mr. Leary, I'm Detective Costello, with the Massachusetts State Police. This is Detective Costigan. I believe you met with our chief, Lieutenant Bonanno
more aliases to keep track of
- - - - -
Parker: We're investigating your colleague Matt Kerrigan's (air quotes) "car accident."
Leary: So you don't think it was an accident?
Hardison: Of course not. She did the finger thing. You got that. Everybody gets that.
Parker: Did I do it right?
Hardison: No. No. This guy just... (pulls picture from his pocket)
~ a few moments later ~
Parker: I did it right, didn't I?
Hardison: It was perfect.
Parker: I knew I did it right.
Hardison: It was beautiful execution. Absolutely.
Parker: Just like you taught me. I did it. (she smiles brightly)
Hardison: Yeah. Yeah, you did it. I like it. Yeah. (gives her a thumbs up)
SHES LEARNING IM SO PROUD OF HER
- - - - -
Eliot: Hey, this detonator - If I'm around the corner, is it still gonna be in range?
Hardison: Should be. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Sometimes the things just go off.
Eliot: Whoa, whoa, wait. Hey. I thought you said this thing was safe.
Hardison: Mostly. Mostly safe. I was very specific. Sometimes the frequencies get messed up.
Eliot: What frequencies, man? Huh? I got these things in my pants.
Hardison: Like, you know, a garage-door opener, a car alarm.
(a car alarm chirps then goes off, making Eliot jump. He moves away angrily)
Parker: What are the odds that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?
Eliot: Damn it, Hardison! (stalks off)
chaotic ot3
- - - - -
Sophie (shows passport): Annie Kroy.
O’Hare (grabs passport): Name's familiar.
Sophie: My family does business in North London with Terry Adams, and a couple of other organizations. We handle the money.
Nate (getting up): Yeah, see, what they do is they clean the money.
some people think that annie kroy is sophie’s true identity. I think, if anything, it would be her duchess alias but can you IMAGINE mob child sophie??? also, hi. im jackie and I wholeheartedly believe annie kroy has killed a man.
- - - - -
(Eliot is parked outside of the bank when Leary comes out, looking at files. Eliot hits a remote and the sound of gunfire fills the street as the squibs go off. People scream and Leary dives for cover. Eliot laughs and closes his window.)
chaotic eliot
- - - - -
Leary: And for that, the government hunts them down like dogs. People like me, we took billions from the banks. Billions. And what did the government do when they finally caught us? They wrote us a giant check and begged us to make it all better.
that’s disturbing
- - - - -
(Parker uses a taser on O’Hare and Hardison pulls up a recorder)
I think that was the first time parker tasered someone and we love to see it
- - - - -
Nate: So, how did you do it?
Eliot (gets up): Detonator, (holds up remote, reaches into his shirt and pulls out ketchup wrapper) ketchup.
Nate: Ah, the classics.
Sophie: Oh (hops happily), I love a good death scene
- - - - -
parker in a nun costume smelling money and saying “ahhhh” is certainly a mood
- - - - -
Leary: I was tricked. I was tricked. It wasn't me, you understand?
Bonanno: Somebody tricked you into bringing a briefcase full of evidence of your own crimes straight to the police? Come on, Mr. Leary. Nobody's that smart. Get him out of here
THEY ARE T H A T SMART
- - - - -
Zoe: Thank you. There are wolves in the world. But sometimes they're the good guys, I guess.
I didn’t like that whole metaphor because it felt kinda cliche but whatever, they ARE the good guys
+ bruh why is hardison wearing glasses??? him and eliot will sometimes wear them and honestly I don’t know who actually needs them and for what at this point ???
- - - - -
(Nate enters the condo to find that Hardison has installed five of six large monitors on the wall and is working on the last one)
Nate: Whoa, whoa. What are you doing there?
Hardison: I'm running this cat 5 cable to the--
Nate: Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. No, I don't want to have these monitors in my apartment. No.
(Parker opens the door and walks in carrying a large painting)
Parker: Coming through!
Nate: No, these must go. What? No! Parker, no! Not that paint--I don't ever want to see that painting.
Parker: (shaking the painting as she talks in a funny voice) “Hi, I'm old Nate, and I live here, too."
Nate: You can't just break in here and start hanging--
Hardison: Oh, yeah, yeah. For repairs or renovation, your landlord has full access to your dwelling. It's in the lease.
Nate: What are you doing reading my lease?
Hardison: I bought the building.
Nate: You bought the... You're my landlord?
Hardison: Yeah. (holds his hand out for a fistbump) Yeah.
(Nate looks away, then hears the sound of a chain saw. He turns to see the end of a chain saw come through the wall)
Nate: No, no! No! No!
(Part of the wall falls to reveal Eliot holding the chainsaw and grinning. Nate coughs and both Parker and Hardison put their arms around him)
