#lewis blogs

[skylordlewis]

when u just wanna know how someone feels about u but you’re too scared of rejection to just ask them like an adult. 

[skylordlewis]

im gonna sit here and drink wine until it’s my birthday 

[skylordlewis]

i’m ranting about feelings again what else is new

i still don’t know how to bring up to this person that i like them without embarrassing myself, having a panic attack or being rejected. 

this sucks. like, i was so sure of their feelings but i keep getting mixed signals now (maybe?? i don’t even know if im interpreting anything right??) i wish that i had someone i could bounce the info off of who also knew him but im not sure if i wanna bring it up among our mutual friend group in case he’s not interested and then ive embarrassed myself in front of more people. 

i know what i have to do if i want to know for sure im just not satisfied with that option i guess.  

[skylordlewis]

so

theres this guy that i’ve known for a while, and i keep having conflicting feelings for him and i hate it so much idk what to do.

like, part of me wants a relationship, but the idea of being intimate/close with him doesn’t feel right to me (and i can’t tell if it’s because im ace or if i just wouldn’t enjoy it because it’s him)... and then i also get feelings of guilt because i feel like the only reason i want a relationship with him is for my own benefit (he’s smart and talented and has a great future ahead of him and im a college dropout)... but i still have feelings for him so it can’t be just for that reason?? ugh i don’t know. 

i think he may have feelings for me too (im like 90% sure he used to but idk about now as much?) and we’re hella flirty around each other but i just don’t really know how to approach the situation. 

i don’t want to just ask bc i don’t want to sound like im full of myself if he actually doesn’t have feelings for me. also fear of rejection. i don’t want to just wait it out bc a bit ago he was like kinda testing the waters with another girl and i got a lil jealous (i was happy for him ofc but it made me sad that i couldn’t be flirty with him and that he couldn’t reciprocate the flirting). 

i’ll probably just continue to flirt with him but instead of making a move i’ll buy him nice things and make him come visit me cause im an idiot.  

[skylordlewis]

im drunk y’all should talk to me

[skylordlewis]

update i guess? im not active on here much now a days. 

First week of school is alright. I have to maintain like an 80% average though or else I face academic suspension or something like that. Idek to be honest.  I’m trying to be proactive when it comes to doing assignments and what not. I’ve emailed 2/3 professors explaining what happened last year and my plans for correcting it and having a successful term. I’m also going to look into counselling as well. 

I want to make a doctors appointment with a doctor at the college though, because the medication I’m on now basically does nothing anymore and I’m reverting back to my self destructive self. Which is comfortable for me, but not good for me. Honestly all I want is a large amount of pot and alcohol. 

Idk I guess that’s basically it, but in case you were worried (I doubt it lol no one talks to me on here anyways) I am still here. 

[skylordlewis]

Me: *finds cute guy on tinder who sends me good morning texts, doesn't ask for nudes and offers to drive me places*

Me: sign me the FUCK up 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my selｆ 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there(chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌👌НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

[skylordlewis]

i actually like super want to get into taxidermy but i think that would scare everyone i live with.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯