Navigating LGBTQIA+ Terminology: its perks and challenges.
With so many informative, creative, and generally awesome events being held at the University of Birmingham as part of LGBT History Month, February 2015 has been an exciting month for LGBTQIA+ people. Amongst the range of amazing events, we were delighted, if not a little nervous, to find a place within the celebrations. Through our talk - ‘Navigating Terminology: Talking about Gender and Sexuality in Everyday Life’ – we had the opportunity to raise awareness about genders and sexualities that our language typically erases. When we talk about LGBT issues, we often only hear the L and the G. Yeah, sure, there are lots of lesbian, gay, and heterosexual people, and lots of people who identify as male or female, but there are also many who don’t. So, when we were invited to host this talk, we were thrilled to have the chance to shed light on sexualities and genders that that don’t fit neatly within the categories of male/female and hetero/homo; sexualities and genders that our language continues to marginalise, pathologise, and erase.
As we are sure many of you can relate, we have both struggled with our sexuality. It has always been a site of uncertainty, insecurity, and overwhelming self-doubt.Neither of us has ever felt quite at home with heterosexuality, but having been in heterosexual relationships for years now, we did not feel comfortable with a lesbian identity either (Yes, we have a lot of things in common!). We comfortably identify as sexually fluid, in other words, we are attracted to people of more than one gender – also known as; bisexual, pansexual, non-monosexual, polysexual, or no label. Over time, it has become clear to us that the language we have to describe sexuality and gender is limited, and limiting.
Asexual, bisexual, allo-sexual, demi-sexual, auto-sexual, transgender, intersex, and genderqueer are just a handful of terms that people use to describe themselves. Loaded with political meanings, surrounded by stereotypes, and continually misrepresented, these genders and sexualities remain difficult to talk about. Confused, greedy, fickle and promiscuous are just a few of the words that we have confronted with when we try to explain our sexuality to people. People who identify as asexual are also often faced with similar negativity. Among other things, they’re often considered frigid, a psycho, or a tease. Folks that identify as bisexual (or somewhere within the non-monosexual umbrella) feel stigma, isolation, and discrimination form both straight and queer circles because of their sexual fluidity and non-monosexuality.
Drawing on our personal experiences, we wanted to create a safe space where people felt comfortable to talk openly about oppression and erasure. What’s more, we wanted to talk frankly about our own biases and privilege that makes talking about these genders and sexualities so difficult. Over the course of about a month, we worked together to create a talk that covered terminology that surrounds bisexuality, transgender, intersex, and asexuality. Doing this was no easy feat! There was so much we wanted to include, and in search of a more inclusive LGBTQIA+ community we were worried about saying the wrong things, misrepresenting, and ultimately appropriating experiences of oppression that we understand to be unique.
When it came to talking about sexualities, we felt a little more comfortable as we could draw upon personal experiences of erasure. Preparing to talk about intersex and transgender was much more difficult! We had to challenge ourown privilege as cis-gender women, born with genitalia considered acceptably ‘female’. We found it difficult to speak about intersex and transgender experiences, as we were conscious of the dangers that speaking for others. From the word go, it was clear that giving a talk about how to talk about genders and sexualities in everyday life was in itself kind of problematic. We didn’t want to give a ‘how to’ guide that implied certain ways of speaking, and being are inherently good, while others are inherently bad. Tying meanings down like this would just be another example of the erasure and power that we were trying to expose! But we were also aware that we couldn’t just do away with existing terminology and language. Instead we would have to unpack the existing language and problematise some of the everyday responses to those who don’t fit neatly within the binary. In this, we found strength in a quote from Judith Butler, in which she says, “[there] remains a political imperative to use these necessary errors or category mistakes, as it were … to rally and represent an oppressed political constituency” (Butler, 1993: 309).
Our research into intersex was a sobering experience. We were genuinely angered at some of the stories that people shared; stories told by people that have quite literally been silenced at an institutional level, as well as in everyday discussion. But not feeling like the most qualified to talk about intersex meant we could only really offer a very brief outline of ‘definitions’ and encourage people to go away and read about/listen to the experiences of intersex people. We wanted to encourage a view of genders and sexualities as diverse and unique, and not a fixed, natural given, the take home message being about listening, communication, consent, openness, and acceptance.
When it came to the discussion, as people who are not big fans of public speaking, honestly, we were scared. Worried about being grilled like the politicians you see on Question Time, as bad as it sounds, a part of us hoped no one would have any questions. But we were really encouraged by the response. We came away with some really valuableinsights. We were particularly interested by a discussion about the limitations of sign language when talking about genders and sexualities. Because of our able-privilege, this was something we had never even thought of before!
Despite our overwhelming fear of public speaking, preparing for and hosting this talk has left us more impassioned than ever to try and encourage more inclusivity and acceptance of non-normative genders and sexualities in our everyday lives. We hope that everyone who attended enjoyed the talk and found the discussion that followed to be thought provoking. Also, we hope to have inspired you to challenge the erasure of these experiences when in queer circles, meetings, and activism. We are a big part of the community, and we should be recognised and celebrated as such.
Written by Bethan Irvine and Valeria Del Castillo
Postgraduate students, MRes Gender and Sexuality Studies, University of Birmingham