summary: becoming an idol was the best thing that could’ve happened to him. when he officially debuted, you almost wanted to cry from joy. but then an argument shatters your bond—leaving him alone with his newly made career and you with a broken heart. but is it too late for ryul to fix it? apparently, not.
warnings: lots of angst, happy ending, reader is a famous model, exes to lovers, second chance, ryul is a dick in the beginning, yunah from illit mentioned
wc: 2.8k words
colly’s notes: FINALLY POSTED OMGGGGGG WE CHEERED 🗣️🗣️🗣️ idea is from this post, we are going to ignore how this was requested in feburary and the ending is pretty abrupt, i just needed to get this fic out before it killed me 😝😝😝 but i have a lot of other fics upcoming so stay tuned for that! happy reading! this is also not proofread
“Do you know someone named Ryul?”
You almost choke on your drink. “W-what?”
“Kim Ryul. Just debuted in the group LNGSHOT. They seem to have a lot of potential, don’t you think?” Your manager tells you, looking at her clipboard.
You try to recover the best that you can. You set your drink down and wipe your mouth. “Uh… vaguely. Why?”
“We’re doing a shoot with them in the next 2 weeks.” Your manager informs you, crossing something off her paper.
“What?” You cringe when you realize you were a little too loud and the other models in the green room turn to give you a questionable look. “I mean, what do you mean?”
“I mean for Elle magazine. You have a shoot in LA and they want you to do it with Ryul. They think it’ll be good publicity because you guys are similar in age, rising celebrities, etc.”
“Do I have to do it with him?” You ask. “Can’t it be that one Ohyul guy?”
“Ryul is the only one that’s available. Ohyul has another photoshoot booked the same day as us.” Your manager sets her clipboard down and looks at you. “Is that gonna be a problem?”
Good question. Was it going to be a problem?
Yes. Yes, it was.
Because what she doesn’t know is that the aforementioned man is your ex-boyfriend of 5 months, 3 weeks, 4 days and 17 hours, but hey, who’s counting?
“You’re sure it can’t be anyone else?” You don’t want to be annoying but you can’t help it.
She raises an eyebrow at you. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
You realize that this is really happening and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. “No. No, I’ll do the photoshoot. Sorry.”
You turn and pretend to check your schedule, taking another sip of your drink. You can’t mask how upset you are, and you’re already embarrassed that you created a scene. You can feel your manager staring at you for another couple of seconds before she turns to do her own work.
What were you going to do?
—
“It can’t be that bad.” Yunah says, toying with one of your plushies.
“Imagine having to do a photoshoot with your ex-boyfriend.” Your voice is muffled because you’ve buried your face in your pillow, the only thing you’ve done since coming home.
“Okay, maybe it is that bad.” She lays back, holding one of your plushies close to her. She examines it, the pink teddy bear with heart shaped hands staring back at her. “Where did you get this heart teddy from?”
“Ryul gave it to me.” You mumble, kicking your feet.
“You never threw it out?” She asks, a little surprised.
“Couldn’t bring myself to.” You lift your head off your pillow and rest your cheek on it.
“Even after what happened?”
You sigh, the memory still painful for you to think about. You turn on your side, curling up and bringing the pillow with you. “Even after what happened.”
You remember the argument like it was yesterday.
You noticed that Ryul was getting more and more distant but you thought that was just the effect of being in a relationship with a growing idol. But you never expected him to drop this on you.
“Just because I said that you’ve prioritizing work over me doesn’t mean that we can’t continue this at all. I just wanted–”
“No, I think this is exactly what you wanted. You just don’t want to say it out loud.”
“What the heck? Stop putting words in my mouth!”
“Fine, fine. Maybe that’s not it. But my point still stands. I’m a rising star now. I have a group to focus on. Music to promote. That’s my priority right now.”
“When did I stop being a priority?” You ask, standing up from the couch. “When did you suddenly decide this was too much for you? I have done nothing but support you through your dreams and now apparently, you couldn’t care less about me?”
“I do care—” He begins.
“Sure as shit doesn’t feel like it. It feels like you just want to quit when things get hard.” You retort.
“Don’t even start.” Ryul laughs. “I’ve tried everything I could to save this, save us but it’s clear both of our hearts aren’t it.”
“Ryul, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying… we should break up.” He says, not even looking at you.
You groan and bury your head in your pillow. “I hate himmmm…”
“If you truly did, you would’ve thrown out these stuffed animals a while ago.” Yunah points out. “And blocked his number.”
You can’t deny that she’s right. You don’t want to admit that part to yourself. The part of yourself that still checks his stories on your burner account. The part of yourself that still checks his number to see if he texted you or if he hasn’t blocked you.
The part of yourself that still wants him.
But of course you’d never admit that out loud.
“How do you know he’s still but blocked?” You ask, perking up.
She turns on her side, facing you and putting an arm under her head. “You would’ve told me if you blocked him. Which you didn’t, so I assumed you haven’t.”
You turn on your side as well, facing Yunah. “What am I supposed to do?”
She sighs, contemplating her answer. “If this is something that really bothers you, I would suggest talking it out with him. Getting the closure you need and making sure you have to tools to move on.”
“And if I don’t wanna?”
“You’re going to have to eventually. You can’t keep waiting in the past for a future that’s never gonna come.” Yunah tells you. “C’mon, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“He rejects me and I spend the next 4 months crying.” You deadpan, lying on your back and staring at your ceiling.
“It’s better than crying for the next 4 years over false promises and overthinking everything you did.” Yunah persists. “Look, all you have to do is confront him and if he gives you a bullshit answer, you dump him. If he genuinely wants you back, that’s up to you to decide. I’m here for you either way.”
You groan and throw an arm over your face. “This shit is so complicated.”
Yunah laughs and throws one of your stuffies at you. “Only because you make it out to be. Now, c’mon. Let’s get you ready. You’ve still got to pack your suitcases.”
“Can’t you do it for me?”
“What am I, your maid? Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself!” She scolds you, playfully slapping your legs.
You laugh and get up quickly, pretending to be alert. “Yes, ma’am!”
Maybe this photoshoot wouldn’t be so bad.
—
You have no idea how you got here.
You were doing the photoshoot with Ryul and now you find yourself at an after party hosted by Prada.
The photoshoot itself wasn’t so bad. You tried to be civil and keep it professional with Ryul and you were glad that he didn’t bring up anything and just tried to do what he was told to do. But you felt like you were imagining it when sometimes his fingers lingered too long or when he pressed a little too close or when he whispered in your ear when the photographer wasn’t looking:
“You look stunning.”
It was a simple compliment, one that you would accept from anyone else. But he wasn’t anyone else; he was Ryul. Your Ryul. But could you even call him yours? The breakup was his idea and as much as it pained you, you weren’t keen just running back to him just because he talked sweetly. He had some explaining to do.
When the photoshoot had finished, you were rummaging through your bag for your phone when you were approached by your manager. “You know you’ve been invited to Prada’s afterparty?”
You snap your head up. “Huh? I was? I am?”
“It was in the email I sent. You never RSVP’d.” She holds her clipboard closer to her.
You were never the type to remember every little detail in emails. You curse yourself for not paying attention. “Uhh…oh, yeah! The after party! I RSVP’d already, did you not get the email?”
Your manager sighs and grumbles something about her “dinosaur computer”. Anyways, it starts at 7. I’ll text you the address later. See you.”
She leaves before you can utter another word. You don’t even like after parties, you have no idea why you even agreed to going in the first place. You grab your bag and are about to leave before you spot Ryul talking with someone, the person you assume to be his own manager.
Even though Yunah told you to confront him, you do not have the guts to do that right now. Instead, you grip your bag tighter and quietly rush out of the hallway hoping that he doesn’t see you.
When his manager leaves, he looks back to find you gone, nowhere to be found. Ryul can’t help the disappointment that washes over him, hoping to talk to you after the shoot so that he could explain himself. He could say he was sorry, he could—
Who was he kidding? You probably wouldn’t forgive him. It’s been months, you’ve probably moved on. It’s probably why you were so curt with him today, he was sure of it.
But he can’t dwell over that now. He has an afterparty to get to.
—
Prada’s after parties aren’t the worst thing in the world. There are a variety of famous people here, so you could at least mingle with some, or attempt to mingle with some.
There’s one person you’ve been keeping an eye out for.
You didn’t even know if he’d be here. You didn’t even ask, you had just bolted out of the studio but to be fair, even you didn’t know you were going.
You know how you look: your pointed stare on the door, watching and waiting for someone specific, so that you could act like he didn’t even matter. Like you weren’t even thinking of him.
And as if on cue, he walks through the door.
You end up locking eyes for 2 seconds before you quickly turn around and act like you hadn’t been waiting for him for the past half hour. You flag down the bartender and ask him to get you another drink.
You are definitely not doing this sober.
Ryul chuckles at your antics. Some part of him is pleased that he still has an affect on you, eve after all these months. It gives him reassurance that not everything will go to shit.
Ryul tries to figure out the best way to approach you—as he’s approaching you. If there’s one thing he’s always been good at, it’s improv. In both rapping and situations like these: trying to win your ex back.
“Careful, sweetheart. Don’t want you to choke.”
You turn your head and see Ryul leaning on the counter next to you. He’d probably seen the way you were chugging down your drink, and you feel slightly embarrassed.
“Ryul!” You feign nonchalance, like this was nothing new. “Didn’t know you’d be here.”
“Me neither. I didn’t see you in the RSVP list.”
You roll your eyes. “It’s a long story. But I’m here now, right?”
He chuckles and takes the seat next to you. “Let me get you the next drink.”
You don’t know what’s fueling you: the alcohol or the dopamine of not seeing your ex who you’re still in love with for a long time. But you almost pretend that this is normal, like nothing had ever happened between you too. Conversation flows easy, ranging from horrible model outfits and shoots to horror stories of debuting with 3 other guys.
Before you know it, he’s whisking you away from the after party, under the pretense of “getting air”. You find yourself in an empty parking lot, leaning against his car as he offers you a cigarette.
“Or we could share mine.” He suggests.
Ryul wants to slap himself silly. He has no idea where he got that idea from but he’s been making so much progress with you, he thinks he can start toeing the line of what he really wants from you.
To his surprise, you agree. After sharing the same cigarette, you put it out, crushing it under your feet.
Like how you were about to crush the carefully built atmosphere.
“What are we doing, Ryul?” You whisper, tentatively at first.
His face almost falls, the smile wiped off his face. He had been running around this conversation but he knew that it was bound to happen.
“I mean, this is all so confusing. It’s been months since we broke up but you still make me feel like nothing has ever changed. Like you didn’t just rip my heart in two and forgot all about me.” You continue.
“I didn’t forget about—”
“I spent weeks over analyzing our conversations, our strike spent together, just so I could pinpoint when exactly I stopped meaning something to you. I thought maybe it was the stress of debuting, of not being able to see each but I was so fucking wrong. You just quit when it started getting difficult.”
“I didn’t—”
“I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Yunah had to practically live on my couch just to make sure that I was still alive. All while you lived your best life. Making music, making a name for yourself. Well, guess what? I did that too. But even then, I don’t want any of that because it means nothing if I can’t share it with you.” You confess, stepping closer to him.
Ryul can see the tears brimming in your eyes. He underestimated how much he hurt you, how much his cowardice would actually have an effect on you. He hadn't meant for it to get this far. He thought–
“I thought I was doing you a favor.”
He doesn’t even wait for you to respond, he just continues rambling on, like he needs to say the words or else he’ll die.
“I was such a fucking idiot. Everything was coming to a head. I never saw you, I was preparing to debut, you had a career ahead of you. Everything was going so well and then shit happened and we were on the rocks. And when you talked about just wanting to be close, I panicked. I thought you didn’t deserve someone who wouldn't be half there for you. That would only show up sometimes or when his schedule allowed him. You needed someone present and I didn’t I was the one to give that to you but fuck. I fucked it up. I made things worse instead of better. Seeing you cry like that back then and even now fills me with pain because it’s my fault. It’s my fault you’re like this, it’s my fault you were a wreck, it’s my fault that I lost the most important person in my life and I just–I want you. I need you. I need you so badly that it hurts. I need you so bad that–”
He doesn’t even finish his sentence before you’re smashing your lips on his. He freezes for a second before reciprocating, wrapping his arms around your waist as you wrap your arms around his neck.
It’s everything Ryul dreamed of, a mix of passion and relief and love. All of it mashed into a wave of happiness that not even man itself can recreate. He doesn’t want to pull away. He wants to live like this forever.
You pull away, resting your forehead against his. “That’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.”
He laughs, agreeing with you. “Yeah.”
“You’re lucky I love you enough to forgive you.”
“I’d be a fool to waste it.”
“A bigger fool than you were in the past.”
You both laugh this time, Ryul leaning in to kiss you again. It’s perfect. Everything you wanted. Everything you’ve dreamed of. And you don’t want this moment to end. Your heart feels like it’s melded itself, like you no longer have to wish for a certain type of love that seemed too far away.
“By the way,” you begin, pulling away. “When are you gonna make a mixtape about me?”
“Already have.” He replies, chasing your lips. “You know, I almost released it when we debuted.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I figured you’d fall in love with the way I yearned and come running back.”
