#liamswriting

[p0eticbastard]

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Soft boy surrounded by selfish intentions Who meant well in the beginning But lost your way in lust and romanticised media You ran your lips across the thighs of people you did not belong to Who did not owe you their affections Yet you expected them Teased them Fell in love with the idea of love Then convinced them to fall for it too Your words will always be more beautiful than your actions You live like regret is woven into the fibres of your clothes Like your acknowledgement of your fuck ups exonerates and redeems you Like you deserve a clean slate You used to find solace in yourself In the Casanovas on movie screens Have you come to terms with who you did not turn out to be? Your Disney prince mentality isn't quite what's it's hyped up to be You will find no sympathy here You stand alone Facing your own reflection In clear glass Beads of water dripping down your face Trying to shock yourself back to reality Back to the ideas you had Of this soft, soft boy Before

[p0eticbastard]

Cuz home has never felt like here

And I know you’re scared baby but I’ll fight off your fears

While the clouds they start to break

And I’m nothing but another cliché

Just know that I am here to stay

And I’ll hold you darlin’

Smilin’ in the rain

I’ll wrap your heart up in cellophane

[p0eticbastard]

Countering loneliness with excess

Hoping to drown in temporary encounters till the river runs dry

They’re stories to tell

Weaving tales of intoxicated escapades like trophies

As if the victories will overshadow the mess left in your wake

[p0eticbastard]

Asking for a friend -

To the heat between your breaths

To the hasty lust filled movements

The all consuming fever

When his teeth marks leave your neck do you remember mine

Will you leave the same scars on his back

Will you moaning his name drip like honey into his ear

Make his blood move like an earthquake beneath his skin

Recite the lessons I taught you in the dark like they were yours to teach

Do his lips linger over your nipples the way you like

His words bring you willingly to your knees?

Animal instinct beneath candlelit

Do you ache to touch his skin

Has my scent faded so quickly

When I then taught you to make love in the light

Kissed every inch of your being

Made sweat drip down your spine

The pitch of your voice raise as your words shook on the tip of your tongue

The muscles between your legs twitch

Had you already began to wonder what you could pluck from the tree without consequence

How much you could indulge and gorge yourself in the shadow of his frame

Do his hands hold you the same?

This

Is to the breathless smiles after

The salt laced satisfaction

To the love that may grow

Or the lust that may fade

I ask you only this

Did it mean anything

Anything at all

[p0eticbastard]

The naive pursuit of light in the darkest things

Seeing destructive indulgences like lighthouses in the night

Stare directly into it

The brightness morphs

With every blink

It blackens your sight

Like ink spills in your eyes

Solace to nightmare

Euphoria to nothingness

Your hollow justifications

The means that plunge you deeper coated in honey are laced with arsenic and it burns through

The excuses you sung to yourself like a lullaby

Couldnt make the wreckage soft

Or the tears sweet

Make the bottom of the hole you keep digging soft

Every disguise torn away

[p0eticbastard]

If I could turn my words into your reflection Every morning you’d see just how much love lives in every atom of your being

How much worth is in every single eyelash, untamed hair and miss matched sock

Every detail

Physical or internal

Phenomenal

The shadow you cast follows you willingly as if it wasn’t designed to

If I could spin my sound into atoms and weave them into your being like a spiders web

Soft like silk but so intricate

I’d breathe affirmation and affection into your skin so that your body had strength enough to set your mind at ease

You are a collection of stardust and potential

I wish to remind you of that with every passing day

[p0eticbastard]

This was hard to write, title, edit and accept so excuse this shitty title

After years of self assurance and resistance falter

Acknowledging that I’m not exempt from relapse

That my fire walls failed for just a second and the virus seeped in and made mockery of my safeguards

Reaching out to admit my need for help felt more shameful than the mirror

But what I received made my reflection both worse and better simultaneously

Fake interest lingers more than ,

The silence you expected,

I tell you I broke a promise to myself I made 5 years ago ,

You tell me ‘why’,

An entirely normal response in most and all contexts,

Granted,

But,

I tell YOU I broke a promise to myself I made F I V E years ago ,

You

You specifically ,

For when your surroundings were made of lead and love only a manipulation I asked more than ‘why’,

Made my physical presence known

Audio comfort frequent

Offered patience and time whenever I could

But

Even the lack of punctuation demonstrated a lack of interest ,

It’s funny how much weight I place in question marks,

Or commas ,

Or fucking emojis,

Or actual fucking sentences

When I self harmed for the first time in five years ,

Or ,

Any,

Follow up,

I’ve known myself long enough to know that it was not a cry for help ,

Not an attempt to remove myself,

Just a pure act of self hatred ,

Regardless,

I hit my iPhone running blindly in the hope that there’d be some space left in your iCloud for me,

That your iMessages were fibre optic wifi connected and that satellites aligned ,

Autocorrect corrected

no triple dot deflections,

That you’d see how much I was hurting ,

I ,

Tell you I broke a promise,

A promise I made to myself ,

Five years ago,

Yet that hurt seems less painful than the truths I became aware of after

[p0eticbastard]

Kindness

Keep your blessings close to your chest

The kindness of others is often taken so easily for granted

Like we’re owed something by those around us

Whether we’ve earned it or not

So when it’s missing people begin spitting venom to erode the hole it’s formed

As if all the hissing will melt the need for human compassion we all quietly crave

There is a wonder in love that can catch us off guard but still catches us

The warmth radiates through our skin like the sun when it’s sets and it’s oil slick mix of pinks and reds and orange still leaves us in awe

Comforting

Making the corners of your lips curl skywards and your eyes close

Basking in the complex simplicity of something that occurs on a daily basis

Banishes the trials and tribulations that have plagued your whole day and replaces them with a slight blushing sense of worth

We have read and watched and heard of the complications of love and being loved since birth

It’s so heavily ingrained yet still we manage to overlook the moments when we are being loved

So hold your blessings close

And appreciate them with your whole chest and being as you breathe in

And out

And in again