#libra trips

[resonance-of-libra]

I had a dream that I was on a spaceship and a guy just ... showed up, and he was this real hotshot guy, got it on with a few people on board like right away. He comes up to me a while in, all cocky-like. "We're going to have sex soon," he says with this little grin. I've got eyebrow raised, "I cast a spell," he says. "Now, you're kind. Smart. Generous. I can use that against you to get whatever I want."

"You absolute dumbass." is my response. "You can't cast a spell to make me anything. Who the fuck do you think you are? All your spell is going to do is change your perception of me, not actually change me. I can be a total bitch to you and you'll do mental gymnastics to find kindness in it. I can stutter and mispronounce words and I'll still impress you with my mind. I can take from you endlessly and you'll thank me for the scraps left behind. You have no power here."

I watched fear grow in his eyes. "But I won't." were my last words as I walked away.

[resonance-of-libra]

I had a dream that I was at a party, and for some reason was explaining Souls & Reincarnation to someone.  What it came down to is that as our population grows, each of our Souls are splintering up a bit more and more, giving pieces to the new people joining the world.  There’s a collection of bits and everyone gets their own assortment when they are born, and they can lose and grow parts in their life, and find people with matching bits of Soul - hence, Soul Mates, and how you can come across so many of them, in lovers, friends, family, etc.  They just happened to have a piece that is compatible with yours, that fits in the edges.  They got the matching puzzle piece, in essence.  You’re more likely to reincarnate pieces near loved one’s pieces when you form strong connections, and if you don’t, then upon death, it’s likely that your Soul will just ... mainly scatter.  The pieces may not land near the matching ones and you may end up feeling more isolated in further lives.  But, what’s interesting is that with the internet, we are able to build real bonds, connections, with people across the world.  So now, our Soul splinters sometimes manifest near those people, too.  So, we are getting these beautiful kaleidoscopes all over the world as our Souls connect globally.  And building those connections, physically near or not, that’s what grows more Soul for the world to share.  But, if you lose a piece, it simply gets reincarnated as part of someone else - like, I was a musician as a youth, I played every woodwind I could get my hands on.  I don’t anymore, and with that, a piece of my Soul has been lost from me.  Even if I do start up music again, I’m not the same girl I was then, and my music is not coming from the same place.  I’d be gaining a new piece of Soul by doing so, not getting that old one back.  Yet, I think that piece went to my niece, who was born shortly after I put down my instruments.  I spoke with her at a point in her life, and the words she used to describe her musical practice, they were the same as when I did when I was younger.  That spark in her felt like me, and it brings me comfort to think that maybe that was a bit of me that she carried forward. That Soul pieces can only be shared, grown and never truly lost, that brings me hope. 

[resonance-of-libra]

A dream. Trigger warning - violence, death.

I was sitting in the passengers seat of a truck, an ethereal smudge of a boyfriend driving.  I didn’t want to look over in his direction, as he was a cloud of anger, violence, resentment.  It was directed at me in that moment.

See, there was a body in the backseat.  We didn’t kill him, but when he was injured, the smudge of  a man that I was with pushed to have the boy just ... tossed into the car.  Not to seek any help, because we’d be charged with manslaughter or something, but to “deal with it”.  I pushed back against this, and so the anger was at me.

We drove until we reached a girl, and the smudge went to talk to her, to have her do her thing with the body in the backseat.  I looked back at the body, the boy.  He simply looked asleep.  I took a breathe and started to turn away, and as I did I ended up outside the truck, behind it.  The boy stood in front of me, conscious and angry and holding a pocket knife, not flipped open.  He stepped towards me, stabbed me, slit my throat, my wrists.  But, the knife was still not opened, he’d simply gone through the motions.  I looked up into his eyes and had a conversation without words, about how I wasn’t afraid, how his anger was justified and that I should have done more to keep him safe.  If the knife had been opened, it wouldn’t have been more than I deserved.  I wrapped my arms around him, gently, so gently.  I could feel the molecules of air between our bodies.

My eyes closed and when they opened, we were in a cave behind a waterfall.  There was a rowdy group near the opening, a sheer cliff facing the roaring water.  Somehow, they were louder.  The boy still stood before me.  He said “My talons are sharp.  Why are you still here?”  

It took me a minute, looking back behind him at the crowd of people shoving each other around near the edge.  I told him “They’ll help you sharpen your talons, but if you forget to stretch your wings, you’ll end up not being able to support the weight of them.”

His smile was just a little too sharp as he asked me if that was the way I convinced him to jump the cliff in the first place.

[resonance-of-libra]

I had a dream that I was at a festival and found a little alcove and I was offering one card tarot readings where the I gave the querent the card at the end and they gave me some sort of personal token and in the end I was out a deck but had a baggy full of trinkets that Meant Something to Someone and could use that for divination ...

And I'm like. Desperate for festival season to return.

[resonance-of-libra]

Citrine Activation

So I picked up a pair of citrine earrings yesterday and Wolfboy gave them a good cleansing (yes, and sterilizing, we do mundane cleaning too!) and then I decided to activate them today. A little meditation while wearing them. They lit up in my mind and shot little golden laser lines first to my solar plexus chakra, followed by going up to my third eye, creating this diamond shape over my body - earlobes, belly, forehead. It spun on itself for a few minutes, then the earrings threw out a couple more lasers out to my hands. My hands prismed the light out, right hand connecting down to my root, sacral and heart chakra, the left focused upwards to connect in the crown, throat and the heart again, closing the circuit. I could feel an insane amount of energy cycling through me and it was like …. I could feel shit burning off of me and the energy field just got brighter and brighter before eventually gradually retreating back into the earrings themselves.

I think I’m going to like this new piece of jewelry.

[resonance-of-libra]

Recently, my dreams have been very ... choose-your-own-adventure style. Not full on lucid control but there will be action, then it'll freeze and I hear my voice laying out the options. From what I choose, the action moves forward. Now, because I'm a ball of stress, my dream self kept also choosing the path of stress. Until last night. I stood up, said no, and sat down to meditate. My dream body resisted, went all "nope, can't do that while sleeping son," but I insisted, then dreambody pretended to allow it and flashed blackness at me momentarily and said that was an hour long meditation but I called bullshit and said I was going no further till I had my damned meditation and then I DID. And holy shit meditation while sleeping is like a whole new level of undescribable. And I feel GREAT.

[resonance-of-libra]

Dreamstuff

It’s been a while since I put anything in the “Libra trips” tag, so a bit of an explanation - tis full of all the random tricks and weird shit my mind puts me through, or I put it through. Dreams, hallucinations, drug trips, the like.

This one is a dream. Often, when I dream, at some point I realize I’m dreaming. It usually comes to me like an echo. “You’re dreaming,” but … a silent echo? Anyway, I’m informed, and from that point I have varying degree of control. Sometimes I can totally be in the driver’s seat, sometimes trying manipulation will wake me up. Recently, most common is that I’ll be able to rewind a situation - I can’t fully control what happens, but once it does, I can rewind and rework it all - both my actions and my surroundings.

This time, I had no extra control. I knew I was dreaming, but aside from that I had my body and my mind, just like being awake. We were in a forest, me & a group of friends. A lot of us, not really doing anything in particular, just heading somewhere. A couple of them knew exactly where, all the rest of us were just going with. Laughing, playing around. Frolicking, really, that’s what hippies do.

We came across a staircase. Nothing else, just an empty staircase going nowhere. The 2 people who knew the forest we were in had never seen it before. It got really cold. I hated the energy, wanted to go, not look back and pretend like it wasn’t there. Others thought it was great, wanted to check it out. Went to sit on them for photos. I couldn’t take my eyes off the empty top. Like, I tried, but they were locked in place. I kept registering the thought “Person. Who? NO ONE.” in a cycle, like I was seeing someone, but they blanked out my ability to actually see.

I got unfrozen. Got my vocal cords to work. “Guys, let’s”

“LEAVE!!”

The voice was outside of me. Loud enough to give shockwaves, I was pushed back by the force of it. The guy on the stairs was literally thrown off. I only had a flash of that scene, the fear emanating from everyone before it blacked out.

The next scene, I was reading in the greenhouse section of our earthship. (Not that we have it yet, but that’s where I lived in the dream…) I had a little round chair and I was surrounded by plants and we had a pet sugar glider, somewhere. I knew he was there, he was quiet just then. But I also knew he’d come after my grapes eventually. It was peaceful.

Until I noticed the guy, wearing rags, with blood foaming from his mouth watching me from outside the glass.

I screamed, of course. Kept my eyes on him and screamed for Wolfboy. It wasn’t Wolfboy who came, it was another friend, who had come running and put his hand on my shoulder to get my attention because I wouldn’t respond. In the second of me noticing him, the man in the window disappeared. My friend had been too distracted by calming me and didn’t see him. There was blood on the window, so he believed the man was there, but we couldn’t figure out where he disappeared to. I only looked away a second and the area outside the house was fairly open. It takes a moment to get out of sight.

People wanted to know who he was, they went out searching. They bought food, some water, in case they could help him. Weapons, in case they couldn’t. I was left with just one girl in the house with me. I wanted Wolfboy to stay, but it was his property, his territory. He is a wolf, he needed to do the patrol after a situation like this. I held a machete and a knife in my lap. The girl with me had a shotgun, and I trusted her skill with it.

We watched the windows. Waited. It was a long time. She sang to me, and I fell asleep, and woke up in this body.

Then, when I check tumblr, @twosidestarot has a post with a link to stories from search & rescue, including random staircases in the woods.

[resonance-of-libra]

Soooo, my brain just jump-scared me...

Like, how uncool is that! Here I was all innocently meditating and I have no body and everything was all dark and I just start to feel a breeze around me, so I opened my eyes and found myself on the top of something like the Eiffel Tower. Really high up, sitting on a railing, wind in my hair and a vast blue sky with playful wisps of clouds. Lovely. A plane flew by, a banner behind saying "Open your eyes, so that I can..." then a face appeared right in front of me yelling "SPEAK!!!" It startled me into falling off the railing and back into this body. Stupid brain.