You Are the Man of Your Nightmares
I was totally planning on writing something spiteful for the last few days, and probably I still will because the topic still resonates with me (the title of the post: “Send Me Something Sexy." Intriguing, no?). But tonight, I realized something about myself, and I’m hoping that you might share my feelings: I am the man of the my nightmares. Allow me to explain.
You’ve likely had a man in your life that abruptly disappeared, refused your friendship, your help, and your love with the seemingly simple excuse: “I don’t feel the same way." It’s the worst, and he’s the most awful person that ever walked this earth. Right?
Well, recently I was in a position where I had to, I mean I had tofinally be honest and straightforward with a person who has been a part of my everyday life pretty much consistently for the last four years. It was difficult, to say the least, and my feelings seemed irrational even to me. I thought to myself, “I don’t know why, but I’m just not feeling it anymore.”
However, I came to realize that neither he nor us was really the problem. Sure, we had our difficulties and arguments, but outside of all that, our life together was swell. Then, after undergoing a rather traumatic eye surgery and the worse semester of my entire academic career, I gradually became more and more uninterested in making things work; I simply had nothing left to give.
Surely, we have all been in a similar place, and I have to believe that, at some point, you have felt emotionally numb. Was it that he just wasn’t “doin’ it for ya"? or were you emotionally exhausted and unintentionally blaming him for it? If the former, it might not have been a break-up or a new relationship that you needed, but a mental break from the millions of poop (or flame) throwing gorillas that I’m going to use as a metaphor for life (that was a disgrace to all metaphors, and I apologize…actually flame throwing gorillas might be kind of bad-ass. Only Alex is going to appreciate this).
My point is that life, while mostly incredible and exciting, is stinking (I’ve been struggling with swearing lately) difficult; it’s challenges tear us down and invade every facet of our lives, especially our relationships with others, and I think it is safe to say that it is much easier and more obvious to blame the other person or ourselves for losing a potentially good thing. Now, I’m saying this as much to myself as I am to you: Consider that a failed relationship, whether initiated by you or him, is a product of our constant fight with life. We are all bruised and beaten in this lifetime, and it is immensely important that we give ourselves time to heal from the wounds, or we will carry that baggage from person to person, burying ourselves deeper in a sad and filthy pit and taking our significant other with us. Obviously, there is no excuse for abuse, dishonestly, and disrespect, but in many failed relationships where either you or he plays the jerk, life is culprit.
Think about the man that most recently hurt you. Probably he, like you and I, is trying to survive what life throws at him (like poop or flames), and while you may not ever know his whole story, it might be that this man has “nothing left to give" at this point in his life. He doesn’t look like a monster anymore, does he? Nah. He’s just human.
I cannot ask that you move on when you’ve been incredibly hurt. You don’t have to (and probably shouldn’t) take him back if he has a change of heart. You don’t have to forgive him just yet. But, when you’re ready, try to see him from a fresh perspective, as another person who has fallen on his face over and over again just like you have. When you can see him in context with what he might have been through and give YOURSELF time to recuperate from your own hardships, your burden will surely lighten.