dreamlike today
in which the restaurant i was working in was failing financially.
in which we decided to close down shop.
in which the other restaurants on the block were doing fine.
in which i repeatedly disappointed my chef, down to the last minute, from messing up family meal desserts to failing to call 911 successfully as the restaurant began to smolder and billow steam while a mysterious liquid began to burn through its floors as we stood outside, watching.
in which the 911 call was either misdialed or led me to a really fucked up department that had nonending multilingual prerecorded introductions to its emergency line.
in which everyone began to walk closer to each other and apart from me.
in which i had to run to tutoring at 6pm.
in which i was running late.
in which a stupid driver with a super nice car was trying to drive through these gates that were chained and bolt locked and i tried to stop him from wrecking his car as he attempted to drive through these gates by pulling the gates apart, wider, so maybe he could drive through with more ease.
in which i was stupid for thinking that would have helped anyone.
in which i witnessed his fancy car morph into a different more tank-like shape.
in which he miraculously drove out beyond the gates. maybe he had the key to the lock in the first place.
in which i knew i would not get to tutoring on time, being 40 blocks away with only 20 odd minutes to go.
in which i surrendered to fate and wished it would pity me and waited for a bus.
in which i accidentally waved on a bus i’d wanted to get on.
in which i began to chat a nice older lady who had joined me at this bus stop, about how i would’ve been able to walk this distance in this time two years ago, when i was younger and fitter and skinnier, but i am just too tired right now and had a very bad day.
in which, as i was speaking, i noticed that i was one avenue over from the one i needed to be on, and realized that this avenue was completely new and foreign to me, and it was strangely elevated like a hill above my familiar streets.
in which, as i was speaking, this new perspective began to shift even more, and it seemed like the entire city under our feet were in actuality a free-floating island on an uncontrollable body of water, which had now began to toss and turn violently enough to move everything i had ever known to be stable.
in which i was terrified and the old lady appeared exhilarated to be on a ship-like city that was constantly under the threat of being overwhelmed by these enormous, unimaginable waters, as if the captain had abandoned the wheel during a storm that was orchestrated by a playful but powerful baby.
in which i realized, at this most horrible time to realize any more bad things about the day, that i’d lost all the contents of my locker at work to whatever was eating through the restaurant, including my first and only chef’s hat.
in which i knew not when the waters would settle, and was sad but submitted.