as some of you know, i’m not like the most demonstrative person irl and i have serious resting bitch face and also, sometimes if i’m in a social situation for hours at a time i get tired and it’s harder for me to put thoughts into words and i need to kind of just... space out for a bit and have people around me allow me to exist in their proximity without necessarily actively engaging them at all times. so anyway last time we were over at my boyfriend’s parents’ house i got tired like that toward the end of the evening, so my boyfriend and his sister in law and his mom were all sitting around talking and i kind of just stood behind my boyfriend and fiddled with his hair and looked around the yard and didn’t engage as much (ESPECIALLY bc my SIL was in one of her moods where she like, decides she’s gonna tell us in great detail all about her mental illness symptoms and stuff and like, i don’t mind listening to her about that but then she always expects me to like, join in and tell her about mine and list for her the medications i’m on and stuff and sometimes i just REALLY do not feel like talking about it or sharing that stuff, so i kind of politely disengage), and so she reacted to that by like.... every other sentence, for the next like ten minutes, punctuating her thoughts by saying things like “oh my god, clara’s just like ‘when can i go home’“ or like “clara’s hating this right now” or “are you okay” and it’s just like...... jesus christ, i understand that my not being demonstrative right now is probably making you nervous, BUT a) i’m a grown-up and if i really wanna go home i’ll talk to my boyfriend about it and make my needs clear, b) do you REALLY think the way to solve my lack of desire to engage is by making SURE no one can ignore me and pointing out what i’m doing or what my face looks like every 14 seconds, and c) idk we’ve known each other for over a decade, have you really not learned by now that sometimes i’m just a quiet person and that is OKAY?? like, you have multiple other conversation partners who are talking to you right now, leave me the fuck alone lmfao
