Dirty Girl. For the objectively dirtiest Soapberry Citizens. Ephram & Lilo
Dirty Girl By Meghan March
When Greer is drunk one night, she posts an embarrassing personal ad — and now she has thousands of takers! But bad boy Cavanaugh is a cut above the rest…
@lilo-el-lobo, @ephrampettaline, @bumblingbrujo
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The weirdest consequence about Lilo’s worst drunken impulse ever, was that he felt obligated to fulfill it, at least in part.
“You have no idea what kinds of creeps these…creeps are, hermano!” Miguel protested, but he was kind of laughing at the same time. “I mean, what you wrote here in the ad…hoooboy. It’s a wonder Craigslist didn’t flag it and remove it. That’s some nasty shit, guey.”
“Stop reading it!” Lilo barked at his brother, pacing as he compulsively checked text after text that flooded his phone. Yeah. He was drunk enough not just to post a dirty ad on Craigslist listing all his filthiest fantasies, but he also in his drunken wisdom decided to post his phone number.
“Dude, just change your phone number.”
Lilo looked incredulous. “I have all my contacts on this! I have like subscriptions and shit linked to this number! Plus I feel so bad…maybe some of them aren’t too terrible huh?” Maybe it could be fun? Once the embarrassment wore off (and Lilo liked to pretend he didn’t get embarrassed very often).
“You’re just lonely,” Miguel sighed, closing the laptop and looking sadly at Lilo. “Well, okay. Let’s screen them together. Who knows, maybe it might be fun, better than Tinder, huh? We’ll delete the ad and then we’ll go fishing.”
So that was how it started.
Lilo went on ‘dates’. Some were cut short pretty fast, others were just an awkward if pleasant night, neither Lilo nor his date wanting to actually verbally address some of the wild kinks and positions that drunk!Lilo (that devil!) posted in the ad. Some even tried for a second date, but the affable Lilo of sobriety was so not the naughty Lilo of drunkenness. And so Lilo just ended up becoming friends rather than anything more, laughing over the whole think like it happened to someone else.
‘Ha ha, our first meeting was all because of some funny ad. You got such a good sense of humour, Lilo. Way to reel ‘em in’. That sort of thing.
And then Lilo went on a date with one Ephram Pettaline.
The gringo wasn’t really Lilo’s type - long and gangly and slow-moving - but Lilo did like how steady Ephram’s eyes were. And it made him squirm under Ephram’s stare from across the restaurant table, but not in the way where Lilo wanted to bolt out of there as fast as possible.
“You’re pretty much as I’d imagined you, hombre,” Ephram said with a smile, as he watched Lilo. “Easy to bundle up and take home.”
Lilo laughed nervously for three minutes. “What yeah, haha. Like I’m a baby!” he said, then wanted to smack his forehead.
But Ephram just gave an easy shrug. “Sure, you can call me daddy if’n you want. Weren’t on your list, but I’m up fer anythang.”
Lilo’s face turned red, but blood also rushed to another part of his body. Something he didn’t want, not in the middle of a restaurant. He was about to suggest they go for a bathroom break, but then some other guy stormed up to the table in an angry huff.
“I thought you said you had to take care of your pet Pekingese Lulu!” the twink ranted, and then picked up Ephram’s water glass. “Take care of this!” He flung the water into Ephram’s face, and then the twink turned to Lilo.
“You be careful with this one. He’ll break your heart, after he breaks your back….”
Lilo stared in shock as the twink started to walk away, but then paused and looked at the wet Ephram again. “Hey- but - call me okay?” the kid offered, before he swished away to show off his skinny white butt.
Ephram wiped his face and gave Lilo a burning smile. “That was better’n a Yelp review, you reckon?”
Lilo swallowed his ravioli and nodded.
The first date didn’t end in anything more than making out at the bus stop, and Ephram whispering all the things he wanted to do to Lilo and Lilo responding to all of it eagerly, like a dog in heat. All the things he’d mentioned in his ad, the Southern man seemed to have no shame, no qualms about bringing them up. He didn’t tiptoe around a damn thing. It was all there, for Lilo to give into, if he wanted it.
But whether he did want it, that came with a lot of heavy debate on Lilo’s part, and heavy masturbation in the shower (and in his bed, and in the living room, and the kitchen, and the closet) to boot. Thinking about Ephram, and what a terrible idea he’d be, and how much Lilo really did want it.
He told Miguel he’d deleted his ad, but not before Lilo had screencapped it. He read it over now, the terrible, delicious demands of a drunk Lilo. Desires he’d never utter to anyone when he was sober, not even when he was in a relationship. They were shameful, dirty, wrong, enticing, exciting, sexy.
And Ephram Pettaline, bad boy of this city’s queer community, embodied them all.
Lilo did his homework too, thinking he could talk himself out of taking this leap. He found out all he could about Ephram, how many hearts he’d broken, how many men he’d slept with, how many of them hated to love him and loved to hate him. It was thrilling, it felt like sexy detective work, like and episode of that Red Shoe show that had Fox Mulder on it.
Lilo was no closer to making a decision, so instead he went another route: he got drunk. Not super-drunk, but just drunk enough to call Ephram up one night, fling a couple dickpics his way, and then slur out, “Tomorrow at 9pm. Come by my place.”
And the next night, sober Lilo was both proud and horrified at what drunk Lilo had done. He still cleaned up his entire apartment though, and groomed himself, and waited.
Nine o’clock, and Ephram Pettaline was about fifteen minutes late.
‘That’s how it starts, hermano. He’s bad news! He’ll keep you waiting!’ Miguel’s chide echoed in Lilo’s brain, but it only made him more excited.
And when Ephram finally arrived, Lilo couldn’t contain himself. He burst towards the man was fast as his prosthetic could take him, flinging forward in a leap and attacking Ephram like a feral wolf.
The night was Lilo’s, and Ephram had no idea what just hit him. But it was unlike any other night in the Southern man’s life, and it went on for hours. It left Ephram cradled in Lilo’s arms, bruised and pink, sobbing and trembling and feeling weak all over.
“Shhh, shh shh sh, it’s okay, querido,” Lilo cooed, hugging Ephram close and cuddling him, doing all that aftercare stuff needed just like the websites recommended. “You’re all tender, but I got you, huh? I’ll take care of you now.”
( Iann goads Lilo into goring Miguel’s body, until Lilo turns on him as his next prey. Immediate continuation from here.)
@lilo-el-lobo
"Holy shit. Holy...sh....Holy shit, you dd it. You killed him...." Iann leaned forward then, hands on his knees and eyes wide and bright. He huffed, an ugly, stuttering laugh. "And it was...fucking...AWESOME. Eat him now! I want to see you eat him, all that tasty witch meat huh? Num num num! Take your time, Lock. Fucking Lock Lopez. You fucking stupid beast. You fucking dumb animal."
Lilo set to work. Ripping and tearing at his meal. With the taste of fresh kill on his tongue the werewolf wasn't even thinking human thoughts any more. It was all hunger and need. Teeth searching out the tenderest, juiciest bits.
Lilo was enjoying his meal, chewing leisurely. Then like some annoying fly darting close to fresh carrion there was a noise. He snorted and turned to the noise. So like a pest to show up and annoy him just when he was enjoying himself. "Mine..." He growled, rolling his shoulders as if to guard the fresh kill. Ready to jump up and pounce at the intrusion.
"Well obviously its yours. Although...you can't even recognize me can you? You dumb fucking animal, no brains just teeth. Geeze louise you're ugly," Iann said, rearing back slightly because of Lilo's warped, wolfish face. "How's he taste? Witchy? We were brothers, you know. All three of us, even you, dumb dog."
Lilo continued to growl. The hunger had not abated but Lilo was beginning to understand he was being challenged. "Not. Dumb." The wolf continued to snarl as Lilo drew himself to his full size. Black witch blood coated his mouth and covered the full front of his chest. "Not. Dog."
Iann slowly backed up as the wolf stood, and Iann glanced down to see if Lilo was still on his prosthetic or not. He carefully withdrew a silver cutlass as he backed away. "Super dumb. Very dog. Much killer. You murdered your own brother, and now you're eating him out..." Iann gave another ugly laugh at the joke. "You fucking freak. Aren't you full enough? You're not coming after me too, are you?" In a weird way, Iann wanted it, hoped Lilo would.
Lilo howled again, enjoying the sheer release it gave him. He snapped his head back down, eyes locked onto Iann. Without wasting a second to snarl or threaten he ran forward, arm outstretched. He wasn't even thinking if his arm out outreach the weapon, he didn't think or care. All Lilo knew was that he wanted to harm Iann. Wanted to break him open and snap of his leg. His prosthetic hitched at the sudden demand and Lilo staggered to one side.
Iann yelled, loud and almost as bloodcurdling as a wolf's, as he swung the blade and brought it down on his brother. Sure he was no fighter, but using a cutlass and other tools for hewing and sawing and flaying and other grist and grind was within Iann's skillsets. He'd cut up enough bodies, built and constructed and broke down enough flesh and metal and wood to not be useless. So the blade found its way into Lilo's shoulder as the wolf staggered to one side. It cut deep, embedded not just into flesh but also bone. So deep, that Iann couldn't even pull it out. But he didn't care. The feeling was thrilling, and Iann's yell turned into another wild laugh as he danced away. "Hah! Got you, tonto!! That machete is silver, you're fucked. I got your leg chopped off, now your arm! You're so fucking stupid!"
Lilo howled again. This time in pain. He understood little but he knew enough to fear the word 'silver'. Claws clutched at the wound as it stung and bled. He howled again. Wanting to swipe, barrel into Iann to shut up his taunting mouth. But one arm tried to staunch the blood flow, and the other bled and hung loose. He could only shoulder into Iann. Trying to run the man into one of the walls of the alley.
"Gross, get away from -- " Iann protested, when he realized the wolf had gotten the better of him. Too busy being smug. He kicked Lilo away, and the moment he did Iann saw opportunity there. He furiously kicked at Lilo's prosthetic, then pulled out a hammer looped into his belt and shimmied around the wolf on his injured side, taking a swing at the prosthetic until he heard a snap. Iann booted Lilo then, sawing the cutlass through Lilo's flesh. Adrenaline lit up Iann's blood and he could've run then, but he continued kicking Lilo, hopping behind the werewolf and hammering down onto one of his knees, then his hip. "Fuck you! Fuck you!!"
Lilo yelped like a kicked dog. His own blood mingled with Miguel's, blood brothers in the most horrific of ways. He'd let Iann, pathetic Iann, a scavenger and a coward, get the best of him. Lilo knew what would happen now, his prosthetic snapped, the knee joint falling away from the socket. There was no way he would be able to run now. But Lilo wouldn't deign to run from Iann, he would face his end with a defiant snarl. Not even his eyes begged for mercy as each blow inflicted it's measure of pain. "Do it. Coward. Fuck me up like you want to. You're only gonna get one chance." He snarled and made as if to bite the human, to infect him on the blood full moon.
Iann jumped back when Lilo snapped at him, jaw clacking into air. And Iann felt a jolt of terror, enough that when he jumped back he tripped over Miguel's ravaged body and fell heavily on the dead witch. Things squished and jiggled as Iann scrabbled through blood and gobbets of witch-flesh and his terror mounted. They were all covered in blood now - all covered in Miguel's blood specifically and Iann started to laugh hysterically. "You're fucked up enough!!" he screamed at Lilo, so loudly his voice turned into a husk by the end. Iann turned and crawled away, finally managing to get to his feet but feeling no less like a beast than the brother he abandoned with the dead brother. "JUST DIE ALREADY!!" Iann yelled before he turned and ran, pell-mell, away from it all.
Lilo watched through the gore that covered him, watched as Iann ran. The raspy rumbling yips echoed through the alley way again. He had expected to die, with all his wounds, but no sting of silver came. There were no traces of the wolf poison in any of the slashes on his body and he could already feel he powers working to heal him. Having made a snack of a healing witch certainly didn't hurt. He continued to laugh, dragging his broken body to lean against the wall and heal. He wouldn't die. Not today, and when he found Iann again he'd teach him to check that the silver he was sold was actually silver.
iannc
Looking more closely at this après tie-dye imbibing, I suspect @lilo-el-lobo is less ‘convivial amity’ and more ‘let’s get this over and done with’. What say you, Señor Wolfman?
