#lilvia

[movingonandlearningmyself]

The first time I ever got high one of my friends stayed with me all night to make sure I was okay. She hated dancing but she took me to the pavilion for a party and sat in the grass while I danced.

That girl later became my girlfriend. And I’ll never forget how awkward and loving and supportive she was in those first few months.

It’s crazy how it’s the littlest things can remind you of such vivid memories. I still remember watching you trying to convince myself to stop dancing and take a walk with you.

[movingonandlearningmyself]

I forgive you.

To be honest, I forgave you awhile ago. Once I got over my own hurt, my own loss, I was so damn proud of you. I’m still proud of you and proud of the life we made together. Even though I can’t be in your life, I’m grateful for us. Every time I get emails about alumnus athletics, I think about you. Maybe once you’ve been gone 5 years I’ll put in for you.

You deserve so much more than life has thrown at you. Than I could give you. I hope you’re happy. I hope that you found what you needed, what you wanted, away from me.

I hope you still think happy thoughts about me. I hope you’re proud of me. I hope there’s a part of you that will always love me the way I love you.

Take care of yourself. Bake. Find new bands. Play with kittens. You deserve joy. I wish I could have given it to you, but that isn’t the way this worked out.

Forever & always.

[movingonandlearningmyself]

I need to find another girl who cooks.

Spoke at work about an ex of mine that used to bake my biscuits and cook for me.

And my student said damn she’s wife material.

And I could think about was yes, she really fucking was. And how much it still sucks that she didn’t want to build a life with me.

[lilvia]

LilVia First Mixtape

My first mixtape, enjoy! download: http://lilviamix.blogspot.com/

[lilvia]

Jamix

Listen to Jamix by (Jordi Via) LilVia

[movingonandlearningmyself]

-nostalgia-

I miss the feel of your skin. To see how happy and bright you got every time you ate good bread &/or cheese. I miss your warmth and your compassion. I don’t think there will ever be a time where I stop missing you. And i hate that about myself but at the same time, I accept it. 

i know you needed to leave me. I know there were probably many things about me and us that you didn’t like.

Even knowing all that, doesn’t take away four years of loving memories. I just wish I could still be your cheerleader. 

[movingonandlearningmyself]

i was cleaning out my files on my computer.

And it’s frustrating that all of the stuff we have together, all the things you sent me, still brings a smile to my face. This last month I have wanted to talk to you so bad. And I just can’t bring myself to message you.. i know it’ll just hurt me. 

But damn do I miss you.

[movingonandlearningmyself]

Basketball games.

I went to a guys game tonight while at work. And it makes me miss the days watching her play.

How proud I was to be the girlfriend of a super nice and super skilled player. She’d be so nice to the refs and get balls for them. She was hella good at her position.

I can’t believe I miss seeing her play. But I do.

I also miss cheering for her with my friends.

I know we are forever broken. But the pride i have for that girl. She’s so amazing. And I bet she still is.