#lin.vent

[threadbare-sweater]

I feel SO BAD for complaining about this trip, but I have been so disappointed at almost every turn. it's nice, it's a getaway, it's...time with mr lin but like. THERE ARE NO WINDOWS IN HERE. NONE. I don't know if it's 9pm or 7am. I'm either freezing or burning up, there is no in between.

I took norethindrone to delay my period because I was due to start 2 days ago, but it has made me hormonal and bloated. I haven't exercised beyond sexy time in 2 days and I feel like shit. we aren't talking like, a lot. I just had hoped for this to be more romantic like our March weekend trip, but I'm not sure anything will ever top that. I'm also just in a weird place with our relationship I think and I am not enjoying this like I feel like I should be and I can't tell anyone because I don't want to sound like a terrible person.

I miss my kids. This place is not that romantic because it's literally located in the middle of an industrial park. Did I mention there are no windows? I am a creature of light. There's a little pond a few steps away from our room but it's right next to a highway. Ugh ugh ugh

[threadbare-sweater]

I was meant to live alone. Doesn't matter where. A studio apartment in NYC, a little cottage on the beach, a tent in the middle of nowhere, a cheap motel room that I rent by the month. Just. My own space. No pets. No people. No one to need me (I'm tired of being needed). And yes, I know I was just posting the other day about how happy I am to have everyone home but now I remember why I was in constant survival mode. It was bad before but it's ten times worse now, and I'm trying so hard to not lose my ever loving shit and now I understand why my dad likes to drink because we handle things in a very similar way, I just chose food and he chose alcohol ha.

[threadbare-sweater]

all jokes aside, I think I may be experiencing a midlife crisis. or maybe my kids are just assholes. or maybe...

[threadbare-sweater]

I can tell I'm about to start my period because we rented this dumpster today, right? to clean out the garage? and my husband's friends came over and started mansplaining why we need to stack shit in it to maximize the space. meanwhile I'm just like "THROW IT ALL AWAY" and I threw a couple of boxes inside it. then my husband and his friend tossed an old mattress in, and it didn't "fit", so the friend says "see, that's why we need to stack it" and I held my motherfucking tongue and came inside the house, where I will stay until they leave, and if they ask for help, I will say no, because obviously I am a woman and I don't know how to throw shit away the right way.

[threadbare-sweater]

anxiety is peak today 🙃 😕 feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. maybe I need to lay off the caffeine . in the meantime, I'm building a mini cafe

I also bought some chairs at a yard sale for the entry room/sitting room in my house. I bought and end table, too, but it fell out of my car and broke (my dad is fixing it).