#lingualizing

[rivangel]

on the tumblr app,, i’ve discovered that holding down the like/heart button makes the heart explode on the screen instead of 1 lonely one floating up. now i’m on the search tab looking up levi ackerman

[rivangel]

i had a dream that subby levi was riding me but now i’m awake.🙄🙄

[rivangel]

as someone with anger and ptsd issues it makes SO much sense and it’s done SO well ellie’s mental degradation after joel is murdered in front of her.

not only in front of her, but so so damn violently. tortured for who knows how long then beaten to death.

oh and also, there’s plenty of room for ellie to think herself is to blame. ellie, who already hates herself for her immunity being worthless. she couldn’t make it up to riley, or sam, or tess. by the time she and dina are ready to go to seattle, ellie would LOATHE herself with EVERY fiber of her being. but she hates abby more.

it’s no wonder she has this fixation on violence she can’t let go of, why she becomes so sadistic, with the nature of her trauma

+ what ellie was taught was love. the first time joel ever showed care towards her was by beating the shit out of a fedra soldier that tried to kill her. the same way joel taught her that when bad things happen, you move on, you don’t talk about it. and ellie certainly embodied that lol.

subconsciously, in addition to the thirst for violence and need for revenge, if there’s any way to make it up to joel for ellie, to “forgive” him now, is what she can best define as “love”: protecting him.

anyway… her general pessimism about the world, her isolation emotionally, and then later on with her flashbacks, her skin “hurting” - all amazing depictions of ptsd by the game.

it’s just her anger and fixation on violence that fascinates me. some critics didn’t like ellie because of how angsty/selfish/cruel she became - but that’s what trauma can do to someone. especially a trauma as inherently violent and severe as ellie’s.

[rivangel]

[rivangel]

i had a short asf but hot steaming smutty dream about being pinned down by levi in doggy & having my insides rearranged.

what stands out the MOST is how sculpted and hard his (lithe) muscles were, and how pretty&perfect his hair was wkfkgkdjfwkfmwn.

i know he was teasing me, but i can’t remember what he was saying😭

[rivangel]

maybe tiny dazed knocked-on-his-butt levi should be my pfp

[rivangel]

if i change my pfp now (ish) that pride month is over always remember the work i put into this one that tumblr’s shitty photo quality destroyed

(@ackerslut i think u would like this :33)

[rivangel]

aot final special dub today