#linlin.

[rhiezus]

❛ name one reason we should get out of this bed . ❜ // linlin x mingyu

"can't think of any." she nestled herself within his arms, her fingers still tracing invisible lines over his chest. for as far as linlin could remember she's been bound to be held in his arms like that. his scent wasn't only his anymore, they had their own kind of comfort and with that all-natural things came to be. barely moving any muscle — they wouldn't dare — she was proud to claim this moment. long ago she would be scared to close her eyes, afraid it might slip away, but now seeing things was rather too much and she was too tired to fight it.

anyone from the outside of her room might think she was dying, but their thoughts were nowhere else than within those four white walls. how linlin had come accustomed to this bedroom, she even thought of painting them red, instead, mingyu brought her a rug one that was rather old and with many stains of panting from his own experiments but nevertheless it was the one she wanted. the vanity by the far side of the corner was a variety of messes, things she held no meaning anymore but that brought her a feeling of futility that she very much needed most times. she couldn't look to much at flowers, then she would rather they die elsewhere than right in front of her eyes so whenever someone came to visit with cards and flowers, they would be tossed away to other patients. it wasn't like she couldn't come to terms with her reality, it was just stupid to take something out of their rightful place to gift them to die elsewhere — oftentimes, she would use this analogy to herself.

was linlin too like the flowers gifted to a loved one? just a passing not that you cared, even though not so deeply. it was an ominous occasion though, what would you take someone sick other than some kind of comfort? what comfort could possibly offer to someone in times like these? the answer, wasn't clear, if it was for certain not many people would even be sick. but linlin wasn't a psychologist, far from it, she was most likely just losing her mind — quite literally.

she did think much of things, that's how far thinking has brought her... not so high up right now, but still, she ought to keep looking at the bright side of things. it wasn't like she had the worse of it, most times she was walking those corridors and referring to her illness like she just got caught with a mild cold. but she couldn't stop it, she couldn't stop being confident and strickling bold about it; she was sure that if this wasn't her approach she might as well just ask to be dead by now. but no, she was fighting whatever the hell and might as well call it hell because it didn't seem to be something as easy to deal with as she said to everyone.

but they didn't need to know that. no. part of her perspective came from the fear of letting herself be seen as vulnerable. and right now, being held by her husband in her hospital bed — one she couldn't change for a kingsized one because of hospital policies — was the most vulnerable she could let herself be. because if not mingyu, no one else would. linlin let her eyes rise up in recognition of this feeling, holding her gaze up to seize his expression. it was agony, dread but also... so, so much, liability. all there was a fire in his eyes, if she was seeing those eyes for the first time a year or so ago she would not recognize it to be him. that was one of those moments when she was once again reminded that it wasn't just her battle to win, he made it his as well and that was reason enough to stay. as long as he was there, nothing could hurt her.

[rhiezus]

hospital : my muse awakens in a hospital, finding your muse by their side // linlin x mingyu

                   god damn, she was thirsty, was it possible that they drained all the water off her body already? i mean, she was sure she was dying but that was just cruel. linlin was in a dreamless sleep for what it felt like weeks because before she could even think about opening her eyes, her whole body felt sore for not being exercised properly and as someone who was used to being in movement all the time; being pressed in bed, exhausted, even though she barely moved a finger, was hell. the most concerned area of her body though — her head, painless at least, although the fear of opening her eyes and realizing that wasn’t exactly the case was still there she wasn’t known for being a pussy. the dim lighting made it easy for her eyes to accommodate, now she was extremely glad her room had one of the best views of the sea because in moments like this if this was the last thing she was gonna see; she was glad. her blurred view didn’t pay much attention to else besides the night and the sea, there had a couple of stars illuminating the water deep below and she swears if she could even hear the silence from the creeping deeps of the ocean if she tried enough. regardless, with her head still laying comfortably in the painful bed, her hand grasped hopefully at the other holding her. she didn’t notice it before, shamefully because that sight was bond to be even better than what nature could have blessed her with. peaceful, still and laying there in presumably in the worst sleep position ever was the most handsome man on this earth, his curly hair was definitely not being washed properly in days, his clothes were fashionable, yes, but only because she grew used to his style and they were designer, otherwise very off duty. it was not like she cared though, she was only making side notes to remember it before it was gone too soon before she couldn’t see it again, not even in a sense of dying but maybe just drizzling off to sleep for days once more. in case she had fewer of those she just wanted to hold them tight, it was the last time in her life she would take things for granted. being a rich chinese girl from a just-so famous dad had a very strong influence on her growth, instead of being one of those people who cherished every single moment of life before they passed them by because they knew they could lose it all at the snap of a finger — linlin was the opposite, she was ambitious enough to know she would never lose graceful moments and she would find them again if she worked for it, like happiness was something to be earned, something to be owned, instead of just appreciated. now with regrettably too much time to reflect on herself and her life surrounding her, she was so mad at herself for being so damn ungrateful. and she kept making these stupid promises in her head like life was a damn task or something to be conquered so badly... she could die, for crying out loud, yet she was fucking thinking about making goals for the next step, somethings even though life demands it; never change. now regardless of what her intrusive thoughts would say, she was so happy. so happy that her eyes got teary with less than seconds of realization. her other free hand found comfort in his head, her texture of his hair was her favorite sensation in spite of the pounding of her own heart, she could tell that if she didn’t take a deep breath now to calm it down nurses that damn machine would beep loud as fuck. and just as soon as she released that breath, mingyu’s eyes were playing games with her heart again going from full sleep baby to confused brown sky. instead of talking, they both just stared at each other in silence, both eyes loving each other and both smiles not quite reaching too high. needless were the words when they could say so much with doing so little. linlin squeezed slightly in her bed to make a way for mingyu at her side and he didn’t ask or hesitated before laying with her, their hands were still together all the way because it felt impossible to let go. she closed her eyes once again, this time laying completely safe in his chest and faintly hearing his steady heartbeat. her love feeling so fucking whole and brave enough that even if some force of nature decided to claim her dead by the morning, they would have to try again because she wasn’t going away without a good fight. 

[rhiezus]

👤 linlin + danbi

               apart from being in the same company and training for the same girl group for a time, we have absolutely nothing in common. so you can’t expect me to say anything, i don’t have time to watch television and i don’t know what she does except acting. she is very pretty, kind and witty and i wish her well just as i do to every girl that trained for wndr at that time, even for the one’s that debutted. is just life took us all to different paths and we must respect that otherwise wndr wouldn’t be as great as it is, right?! maybe is true that i am more friends with the ones that debuted but that’s just because we see each other more at parties and stuff, (psa) you can’t expect kyungri to have fun in life without me though so it’s for their best that i am around sometimes!!

[rhiezus]

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with. / 3. The person you would never want to meet? / 36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? / 47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? / 61. Do you often read your horoscope? / linlin

Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

i already have enough friends, do you know how much work is to keep up with all of them? it’s a lot! and i do take effort because i love them and i want them to remember me. i think is more, on the contrary, people should want to befriend me because i am a great person, give awesome gifts, never forget important dates and i’m always present in any given circumstance. oh, to be honest, i wanted to befriend moon nayoung because of her classic style, independence, and wits but i bet she wouldn’t mind if i already consider us best friends cause i was invited to parties in her house enough times for that.

The person you would never want to meet?

can i talk directly to someone i want to meet? you. yes, you the one that on my last post on instagram said i look like sid from ice ages movies! you said that in an offensive way, but i laughed so much that i even like your comment and you got scared and deleted it. you noisy coward, i wanna meet you. also everyone else that say funny things in my comments, everyone let’s meet and then you can personally direct your words to make my day so much more joyful. now, to not meet probably like hitler or someone that did something bad, although i’m certain i could kick their asses.

Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

a few times, but that’s because i’m too stubborn. once i broke my pulse on the park in a metal toy, those big ones you climb. i had a few contusions on my leg as well while i trained, but nothing serious. i also had one severe panic attack before a flight so i admitted myself on the hospital, everything was fine after i took a rest there. in many ways i am very strong, that’s why i never take myself from granted.

If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

i don’t wanna know anything about my future self honestly, that’s too much pressure. though i would like to know how many cats i will own in the future, cause i can’t seem to stop adopting animals. will i ever get more? or like something different? nothing else sparks my interest other than that.

Do you often read your horoscope?

i know i am a scorpio, but i don’t care too much to look further. don’t really rely on sky predictions, make your own!

[rhiezus]

❝ You’re still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren’t you? ❞ mingyu @ linlin

             ‘ don’t be so full of yourself. ’ she said, before hitting his arm and looking at him with affection as he laughed it off. could it be a miracle that they were going along with that trip to paris without a single fight, perhaps the different french air had taken linlin a little bit out of her self into a comfortable position? or else, like she genuinely always wanted to travel with mingyu and get her piece of mind in order. in other words, having him around and in a different place was good for her mental health enough to not jeopardize their relationship. she could be seen as a tick-time bomb beyond her own boyfriend’s eyes, but that didn’t change the fact she was in her happy moments, wanting to love him with her full self. ‘ and don’t jinx it, it’s like your just waiting for it to happen. ’ she took a bit of her cake, they were in a lovely restaurant by the hotel that had a nice view of the sunset in all paris. other couples would be professing their affections towards each other, like the one in the corner of linlin’s eye who she could swear that at any given moment would pop the question of marriage to the poor looking country girl. she laughed between her bites, pointing at the couple to mingyu who looked over almost with the same eyes as her. ‘ i don’t wanna sound shady, but where did he find that girl? texas county? god, she is so happy to have a glimpse of a traditional family with blonde hair and blue eyes to the sweet, hardworking australian man of her dreams in her life. ’ linlin waved the hair of her shoulders, talking with her boyfriend in secrecy by making fun of other while he tried to ignore her antics and failing to her charms in being a bitch. ‘ i’m sorry. who are we to judge? two famous good-looking assholes who paid two hundred euros in a bottle of regular champagne. ’ picking up the champagne class before his eyes, taking a long glamourous sip to close her argument. on her own idealization, they knew how that night would end. after both of them got tired of judging others and throwing shade at each other's words, they would follow to the hotel room and have sex under low light, later on enjoying each other’s gaze in the enormous bed before falling asleep and doing it all over again until they had to get back to their excruciating but rewarding routine. unfortunately, she loved every part of their relationship — the glamours toss and turn, sex and diamonds, fun and games, running and screaming. in fact, both of them did. they were made for that, no one else made her so crazy as mingyu did and in the end choose her again and again. at this point, it had no other explanations other than the fact he was a masochist deranged for her anxiety attacks and insecure remarks, that would make him suffer and still come back regret, loving and devotion. so that’s why she knew he wouldn’t run away, even if she sometimes begged that he would and cried that he didn’t. linlin signed, after finishing her meal and putting an end to the poor quality and absurd expansive champagne bottle, looking again for a glimpse of doubt in mingyu — instead, watching her with the same eyes. ‘ are you scared of me? ’ it was the self-degrading questions filling her mind, probably effect of all the booze they had to drink. regardless of the answer and before it still, she silenced themselves by pushing his face to a passionate kiss. one that lasts the time she needed to remind of her feelings for him, just separating to lick her lips in response and stare at his eyes in amaze. ‘ cause i’m a little scared of this, but i can’t stop myself. ’ she could be so talkative, so persuasive and incredibly charming, which didn’t stop them from kissing again and again, till they kicked themselves out of the restaurant to the hotel room, just to follow the order they knew and cherished. that’s the thing of the enjoyment of their whole relationship though, when it was unexpected it was the best kind.

[rhiezus]

moodboard aesthetics. • chu linlin.

chu linlin is designer bags, being confident about yourself before anything, proud of your country people, ambition with respect, red lipstick, whispering on other’s people ears, songs about making men shiver, dancing in front of a mirror, when flower’s blossom on spring, calling people on their bullshit, passionate art, short clothes, quick mind thinking, long nails, healthy breakfast, losing track of time, black hair, those long booths, daring glances, intense & insecure love, glitter on the floor when the party is over, laughing until you crying, when you on airport and time simply doesn’t matter, sunflowers because when they can’t face the sun they face eachother, messy eyeliner after you rub your eyes, watching the clouds, kind of girl people write songs about, rare times your cat gives you attention, expansive perfumes, indecisive decisions, a night out with your best girls, exceding people’s expectations, body paint, dollar store jelwery, finding different meanings to this life, random bruises on your body, bossing around, rihanna’s personality with madonna’s music, not wearing bras, understanding sports, when you lick your lips after kissing someone, dancing to any song, sleeping too much or not sleeping at all, running at the beach, missing people, is being the boss of your life because it can prepare you to most of the bad things that try to hurt you.

[rhiezus]

"Maybe I was right in thinking that I should never have even fallen in love with you." a musica deles tocando aqui afterglow vai mingyu fala a vdd quero ver dr

                       linlin wasn’t the crier type of fighter, rather she would cling her fist and shout things she didn’t mean to because she needed some kind of reaction out of the other even if was a bad one, actually especially a bad one. yet, she was never ready to heard things right back because they hurt as much as the ones she used to hurt the other. it was pointless, of course, but while she was angry and out of her mind — which would be most of the time considering not only her mental health but her own personality. it was getting unsupportable though, fighting with mingyu like that. most times she didn’t even record the reason the fight was all about, but she could still feel her blood raising up just thinking about it. nonetheless, his last sentence echoed in her head like a headache she never had felt before. it was awful, it was painkilling and she felt nothing but her body filling her eyes with tears she didn’t want to drop. instead, she builds her body to the fight, getting up in her feet and walking towards him with all the confidence she had left — little to nothing. ‘ i hate to be the one to tell you this but well… maybe you were.’ he was right, even if that hurt to hear, he was completely right. perhaps linlin just didn’t know how to handle all that affection towards someone, she didn’t know where to place it and if it was right to do it. mingyu was a better person than she was, no… he was a different person. he could be with a sweet and normal chick, who would agree with his words and would bring easy to his mind. while she was probably faded to the one night stand people she could easily find at a bar, no commitment like most of the things she did in her life. however, she ironically would find peace in the boy’s gaze who would try his best to satisfy her in the name of love, while she just couldn’t bear to see the aftermath of what could happen if she just didn’t exceded his expectations. maybe it was just anxiety talking, maybe they weren’t just meant to be. linlin never believed in things like that anyway. ‘ it was a mistake, is that what you want to hear? i was mistaken, i was not supposed to love you too. but damn it, i do. what do i do if do? ’ she dropped her head immediately after saying that, because she was about to cry and crying was like losing. she would have stormed out of there if that wasn’t her apartment, also, for as weird as it could sound, even if they were fighting she still wanted to be around him. that meant something probably, perhaps they weren’t a lost cause, perhaps all of that was because they were actually worth fighting for.

[rhiezus]

☘ HOPEFUL / 💧 SAD / 👻 AFRAID / vai xiulin rainha da china

HOPEFUL.

it fulfills me with an upset stomach, to be honest, but in a happy and exciting way.

SAD.

i hate being sad, then it makes me angry which makes me cry most of the anger than of sadness. but that’s rare, don’t worry.

AFRAID.

your questions just made me realize how much of a rollercoaster my emotions are, which also made me glad for feeling so many of them. i’d like to say i’m never afraid, but i’m terrified of many things like most people are, and that’s probably the feeling that makes me anxious the most, that haunts me the most, makes me lost of actions and words, you know?! but again, i’m happy i have them, this makes me a lot more human.