Communion: The Female Search for Love
bell hooks
“I began to see that the proper place for love in a woman’s life was not relational love as the source but love generated in the quest for self-realization.” (32)
“Liberated women did not ‘fall in love,’ we chose to love—that was different from falling in love. Choosing meant that we exercised will, power, and agency. Falling implied a loss of power, the possibility of victimhood.” (37)
“Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust.” (88)
🔥 “Women who learn to love represent the greatest threat to the patriarchal status quo.” (89)
“When females are taught to believe we are more capable of giving love than our male counterparts, we are embracing patriarchal assumptions.” (97)
“Women involved with men who believe that they are more able to love are predisposed to accept male emotional withholding. They already expect men to be deficient.” (97)
“Antipatriarchal thinking, which assumes that both women and men are equally capable of learning how to love, of giving and receiving love, is the only foundation on which to construct sustained, meaningful, mutual love.” (98)
“Choosing love, we affirm our agency, our commitment to personal growth, our emotional openness.” (104)
“Sisterhood wasn’t just about what we shared in common—things like periods, obsessive concern with our looks, or bitching about men—it was about women learning how to care for one another and be in solidarity, not just when we have complaints or when we feel victimized.” (130)
“Women need to claim our power to say no to all that negates our value.” (133)
“Self-love is always risky for women within patriarchy. Females are rewarded more when we experience ourselves and act as though we are flawed, insecure, or especially dependent and needy. A woman who does not learn how first to fulfill her psychological needs for acceptance will always operate from a space of lack.” (134)
“No woman who chooses to be self-loving ever regrets her choice. Self-love brings her greater power and freedom. It improves her relationships with everyone. But most especially it allows her to live in community with other women, to stand in solidarity and sisterhood. (137)
“When we are self-loving, we attend to the deeper needs of our soul, we no longer fear abandonment or loss of recognition. We see ourselves clearly as we really are. And that clarity is the source of strength and peace of mind. It is the space of mindful awareness where we can search for love together, communing and celebrating, cherishing the sweetness of sustained female solidarity.” (139)
“Love is more present to women who know who they are, women who are fully self-actualized.” (156)
“Knowing how to give love, we also recognize the love we want to receive. And that is a form of power. When females of all ages love our bodies and our beings, we are able to set appropriate boundaries, to make choices in which our well-being is enhanced as is the well-being of those with whom we choose to share sexual pleasure.” (228)
“No one can bestow happiness or lasting joy upon us if we have not found the way to joy within ourselves. Self-knowledge is the way to find out what the secret of joy is in our individual lives. We may find our greatest joy in partnership, in community. Given the interdependent nature in our lives, of life on the planet, to share in communal encounter is vital for our survival. But the joy we share must come from within, must be rooted in our own soulfulness.” (229)
