My (we haven’t got a name for it yet) met some of my friends last night. She was shaking and physically sick beforehand. Her social anxiety is terrible and she wasn’t giving much away when they asked her about herself. She choked on a cake while talking about travelling and I think I did the reassuring hand squeeze more times than I’ve ever counted. They liked her though but bestie thinks she’s very quirky.
I brought her flowers to cheer her up. She’s much different when we are on our own. The guard is really starting to come down and I still think she’s pretty adorable. She always makes so much food for me coming and I always feel bad for never being able to eat all of it. There was no leaving at 4am, I try not to do that anymore. However, did I mention before that she’s so so so so so so oldfashioned and freaked out by sex or anything like that (same to a certain extent). We fell asleep on the couch listening to some weird Spanish music and I left her there till about 3am then I managed to (ungracefully) put her to bed (in the most innocent sense of the word) and slept on the couch. She seemed a bit confused by that move, though.
She’s not clingy in the slightest and definitely not what I’m used to. We have discussed nights a week we could go out more and we are going to a panto next week (not my thing). She is crazy super talented, a published author and a playwright - which I only found out through snooping because she doesn’t gloat, at all, about anything, ever. She’s teaching me sign language.
Before I came home, I drove her to church (did I mention she’s super religious?) and she made me stop miles away from it so she could kiss me goodbye without being noticed. It’s gone from tentative and rushed to something a bit better. She always kisses me like I’m going on some long journey - traces my face and looks into my eyes and the hands are in my hair and just a lot of the time I get a bit teenage-boy and giggly.
I still don’t know how I feel about kind of sort of dating someone who might not ever want to be out. I just want to spoil her. She’s spent so much time in a convent (did I mention she used to be a nun?) and although she’s seen so much of the world, she’s not had a lot of shared experiences or seldom felt like she’s wanted to. She sees people as untrustworthy and likely to hurt her. I want to change all of those perceptions.
