Imagine au where after merlin confesses to his magic, at the end he was somehow able to save Arthur. They make it back to Camelot but there is some awkwardness between the two, like they've forgotten how to act around eo.
After years of hiding, Merlin is hesitant to show Arthur his magic, to make himself vulnerable to his King in that way. And Arthur takes longer to believe merlin's stories, there are more questions and double takes than there used to be.
Merlin tries to return the sigil one day, thinking that he doesn't deserve to have it since he doesn't have Arthur's full and unwavering trust any more (his words not the king's).
Arthur presses it back into his palms, "It's a gift, Merlin. You keep those."
au where arthur first catches merlin using magic is when Arthur is injured come up with deep plot points here it's just the two of them out in forest, he's bleeding and slightly feverish, both getting increasingly desperate to find help.
Merlin tries his usual "perform magic while I distract arthur with a stick cause he is a 5 year old child" to heal/reduce pain for arthur he gets caught.
EXCEPTTT arthur thinks that it's the first time merlin is resorting to magic, and it's only because arthur himself is gravely hurt. He's oddly very touched by it and concerned about what this means for Merlin's heart, so he pretends and turns a blind eye (it's just one time nothing is going to come out of it. It's his bubbling fool, probably learned a trick or two from the druids or his sorcerer friend. He's not going around doing magic all day)
But, once he's seen it, he can't un-see it. The next time he's fighting off a bunch of bandits, he keeps track of merlin whose golden eyes are barely barely hidden behind a tree to stop a rogue 6 foot man from plunging his sword into arthur. Doing magic twice is dangerous territory, someone needs to warn his merlin about the dangers he's exposing himself to. And since he's doing all of this to protect arthur (and isn't that a thought!), it should be arthur's responsibility to have this talk with merlin.
"You've had your fun, Merlin. You can stop doing it now."
"What?"
"I know you get a kick off of breaking the law but magic is serious business-"
"I have NEVER done-"
"AND I appreciate you doing it for me. Truly, I do. But this needs to stop before we put ourselves in more danger. Alright?"
"??????????????"
"Good talk."
ofc merlin instead starts to see how much magic he can get away with (always saying that's a new trick he learned instead of something he knew from birth) since arthur doesn't seem keen on murdering/reporting him for it. except every time he does something, arthur looks like he's about to hyperventilate and pass out.
This continues for a while; Arthur will catch Merlin doing some magic mostly to protect him and he'll resort to giving a stern talk or begging or yelling at merlin to stop doing it. The longer this goes on, the cheekier Merlin gets and Arthur just gets more miserable.
He starts having nightmares of Merlin dying; sometimes caught by Uther, sometimes caught by one of his enemies. Other nights, he has nightmares of the magic corrupting merlin so much that the man beside him is unrecognizable (these are the ones that has arthur waking up gasping for breath with red rimmed eyes but you won't hear that from him).
something happens that pushes arthur over the edge to have a full blown breakdown in front of merlin
"I don't want you to corrupt your heart, Merlin. Not for anyone" the words are muffled between his sobs but Merlin hears them as though they're shouted from the rooftop, "Least of all for me. I'm not worth it. Please stop. I'm not worth it. Please. Please. I want you to be you. please... "
He catches Merlin staring at him sometimes; when they're riding through the woods for one thing or another, when he's training on the grounds, when he's sitting through a verbal beatdown at dinner.
He catches Merlin linger by his side. Though this, he is not too sure of. He tries to keep count when Merlin's hand warms the small of his back. But his heart flutters and he stumbles over the number as Merlin straightens out the shirt.
Wishful thinking, Arthur. he reminds himself, that's all it is.
He meets Sophia when he least expects it.
Dear God, Sophia.
How he ever lived before her is a mystery. He knows it in his bones that he loves her so deeply and would go to any end for her.
She is his only source of happiness and he would die before he lets any harm come to her.
But when she presses her lips against his, he feels dirty. Repulsive. His skin itches like he was meant to be someone else's.
He almost dies. And he almost dies. And he is almost sure he is going to die.
The druid boy, he is sure, was worth the risk of punishment for treason.
Death by a dead knight would've been nothing honorable or remarkable.
This would be honorable though, if he were to die fighting for Merlin Ealdor. As long as the history books don't mention his crush, that is.
"Whatever happens out there, I don't want you to think of me differently."
Arthur has to choke down the bubbling laughter. As if. Short of dying, there is nothing Merlin could do that'll change how Arthur's heart skips a beat for him.
But... the thought makes Arthur pause. Why would Merlin be worried about that at a time like this. For the first time in his life, Arthur wants to talk. No propriety or honorifics. He wants to know if Merlin is simply worried about his master's opinion or something else, entirely.
What if he were to die today, and Merlin never knew that he was liked?
"It's alright, Merlin. It's normal to be scared before battle." he says instead.
"That's not what I meant," Merlin's solemn face, as rare a sight that is, sobers him up.
Did he mean....
Could it be....
If this is what Arthur hopes thinks it is, his father would never approve. Oh, but Arthur would. Arthur would approve of it so much.
"What is it," give me a hint, I beg of you, "If you have something to say, Merlin, now is the time."
He tries to put as much love and acceptance on his face in hopes that Merlin would just stop clenching his jaw.
Come on, Merlin. Take a leap. You won't be let down.
Magic or not; he killed his mother. At least with the former, he had the excuse to be angry at his father. The sorcerer lies though, turns out the burden is his to bear alone.
"Arthur," he stops him before the his bed, "let's get you out of this."
He tugs at the armor straps with more care than usual. Arthur is sure that Merlin is back with the staring. He doesn't count the touches; not anymore and especially not at the moment when he barely feels deserving of being alive let alone loved.
"Whatever you're thinking of," Merlin's voice is soft as he moves Arthur onto the bed, "It's not true.
The dragon is looming above them when he realizes this.
The "Merlin situation" is, in fact, not behind him.
It has come forth with a vengeance.
Well, how could it not. It's Merlin and he has, for wildly unknown reason, decided to be loyal to Arthur beyond what he deserves.
Not only is he back to counting the staring and the touching; now he counts Merlin's laughs and his approvals (of all things, really). His day is lighter when Merlin is happy and smiling about. The days when Merlin doesn't retort to his snark is.... frustrating, to say the least.
The dragon bares its teeth when he prays for the first time.
Dear God, don't let any harm come to him. I'll give my life for his.
There is to be feast in his honor. For the courage and bravery he showed by defeating the dragon.
He doesn't feel courageous walking beside Merlin. He feels like a fool with sweaty palms that wants and doesn't want to have this conversation.
It's long overdue, Arthur he reminds himself as they enter his chambers.
He's defeated a dragon. What's one more act of bravery.
"Merlin, I- We- No, I- I have something to say."
Merlin is suspicious already, looking at Arthur with wide eyes.
"What is it?" It's that rare soft voice. The one that understands this isn't the time for their usual banter.
"We should sit," he drags two chairs, stalling for the last time, "I will say it, and don't interrupt me. I just- I- No, this needs to be said and-"
"Arthur, are you dying?" Merlin's eyes are so wide it's almost comical to him.
"I just said don't interrupt," he shakes his head fondly, trust Merlin to never obey. Merlin's eyes are still wide and overflowing with concern that Arthur can't help but reassure him, "No! I'm not dying.
It's just something I've wanted for a long time, and- I wasn't going to say anything, really. I know this is difficult. And I will accept that you don't feel the same, Merlin, I promise. This doesn't change anything. It's just-" he has no courage, none at all, to face Merlin. So, he studies the shades of his floor as he confesses.
"It's just that I couldn't let either of us die without you knowing that I love you."
There is silence. And then even more of it. He risks a glance at Merlin who looks confused. He sees the moment his words sink in though, since he exploded out of the chair, knocking it over in the process.
"No. You don't."
What.
"I do!"
"Nope." he points a stern finger at Arthur, face lined with anger, "You don't."
"I do! What is wrong with you?" he can't help the crack in his voice. That was a losing game from the start, "I told you, Merlin. I understand you don't feel the same-"
"What is wrong with you?" he's at Arthur's face now, inches away (so different to how Arthur would dream of it), fuming, "Why would you ever love your manservant?!"
Something cracks inside Arthur's chest. This isn't what he wanted. He was supposed to be let down gently, with the promise of cherished friendship.
"Surely, you know you're more than that." it's barely a whisper, he wonders if Merlin heard him.
"Arthur," he's not yelling anymore, but it's just as strong, "You. Don't. Love. Me."
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sophie Foster/Keefe Sencen, Sophie Foster & Keefe Sencen
Characters: Sophie Foster (Keeper of the Lost Cities), Keefe Sencen, Fitz Vacker, Biana Vacker
Additional Tags: just the one anonymous letter writing au i have ever written lmao
Summary:
keefe, also known as “paintbrush” is an old-timey romantic. so he decided to write letters to a random address to be romantic—sophie, also known as “telepatia”, however, is very fucking realistic. so when she found a letter addressed to her hotel room, she opened it, and then... a friendship started. will there be anything more?
pieces of the sky fell all around him, glittering like shattered glass. the rope holding her cracked—and his beloved looked at him. she smiled, her eyes saying ‘go. tell them i say goodbye.’ he shook his head, tears falling down his face. “stay with me.”
we’re both drunk on the elevator—
she fell. memories flashed in his brain, cracking one by one. one stood out to him—it was the time they were in the elevator, after a party. she laughed, he did too. the sparkle in her eyes shined like the stars. “you can stay at my house, maybe?”
i swear to god—i never fall in love.
oh. that was why the feelings rushed through his head, climbing up, up, up into the peak of his brain. he knew she didn’t love him, not like that, but it was fun to dream. “do you want to come over? maybe you can stay with me, i’m at the mountains.”
darkness pulled it’s covers over his eyes. she wanted him to stay.
then you showed up, and i can’t get enough of it—
she kissed him. for the last time, but they didn’t know that. he loved her, as the moon loved the stars. she loved him, as the sky loved its clouds. “stay with me?”
