#lizzie rant

[lizzieblabbers]

holy fuck

yeah, my mood for this whole day

i woke up a happy girl, but i am ending the day with unnecessary tears fuck this life kkskdfkdsfksd

wow apparently i also dont have the words to describe this nagging feeling i have inside me

i honestly don't know what went wrong, i just know that i dont uRGH my mind is not working

[lizzieblabbers]

hello world

today’s march 2, and why do i have this weird habit of writing my monthly check ups every second of the following month?

anyway, february had been a real pain in the ass

today, i mean tonight's the third, and it took me three business days to recover from the second month of the year, the supposedly love month

love? which part of that did i experience love?

i had tons of schoolworks because, you know, in my uni, the last two months of every semester is usually the busiest and probably the most crucial period as it is usally deemed as the "finals szn" and therefore all of our instructors think that it's okay to just dump tasks for each subject all at once likE ok fine

anyway, february ended really bad for me (at least, for me. i hope it didn't for others) because i got a really low (based on my standards) on a major and me being me, im not used to getting marks that low that i took it to heart and bawled my eyes out

but hey i guess its okay because i'm still alive, i'm not the only one in class who got that mark, and i can always try harder next semester

in line with this, though, i had realizations

i know where i am lacking, and that i need to fix it next semester if i want to graduate college with a decent transcript, enough to land me a job that would nurture me as a person and would help me provide for my family

enough of the future--another thing i realized is that i need to stop being so fucking kind because hello??? people are using me and i am too blind to hold them accountable because they are "my friends" and that i don't want to be seen as a villain or some sort of evil person who does not have any ounce of empathy towards others

i just can't help but blame the version of myself who stayed up late and woke up early to fix somebody else's script and prioritized their unfinished tasks over mine for the sake of "overall effect"

fuck overall image. what makes you think that it's okay for you to just say sorry everytime you're unable to do your responsibility to the group (minsan nga walang sorry lol) and then voila everything's okay?

i understand where you're coming from, but don't you think it's your fault for taking on another responsibility, so you are actually responsible for balancing that whilst not being a burden to others? asking for help is okay, but it involves "asking" which you don't do.

it's my fault, and i learned the hard way

ANYHOO ENOUGH OF THESE RANTS

february also gave me a good news--i ranked 9th among the whole population of seniors two years ago. and albeit late, it still gave me hope that maybe, im not dumb. maybe im just too kind

honestly i can consider february as some sort of awakening--i was naive, and people aren't always true to what they say. so this march, ill try my best to be a better version of myself

aside from emotional cleansing, i'm also trying to go back to taking care of myself (building a routine, waking my muscles up, following my skincare routine diligently) so i guess march would be a month of regeneration

wow big word

ok so i think that sums it up, i just wished to have someone to talk to about all these, you know. it would really help me

ANYWAY

BYE TUMBLR SEE YOU

((will maybe write more here, I KNOW I SAID IT A LOT OF TIMES BUT I THINK NOW ITS TRUE, because im trying not to share too much because wala, bagong buhay hehe))

BYEEEEE

[lizzieblabbers]

so uhm

ako'y naparito probably earlier than i have expected because i can't really help it

is it called irrational anger if i got mad over a shortcoming that should've been prevented had i not chose to rely on some people?

EWAN alam kong super sama nito, and hindi ko siya dapat nararamdaman, but i am human and i get fed up a lot of times, especially i have a temper shorter than me

i know i am justifying my feelings, pero kasi its infuriating how people can just let others do ALL the work then show no concern whatsoever as long as the job's done liKE please if you can't do it can you please inform me earlier kasi i plan my schedule and i rarely follow it, but i don't really like surprise tasks because irregularities make me uGHHH

AND I CAN'T BE ALWAYS UNDERSTANDING

huhu im pressured im sleepy i feel overwhelmed my head is throbbing i feel like crying maybe the answer is sleep

i just need to finish this last task then i can fucking let tomorrow worry for itself

UGH I AM MAD

[lizzieblabbers]

yow world

hello there this is lizzie

so . . . i am failing at keeping track of my daily activities ugh this is what happens when i'm interrupted, e. i should've continued.

buUUUt there's no use in crying over spilled milk, tapos na. all i have to do is try it again tomorrow. cross fingers, hopefully i'll be successful in incorporating it to my academic routine, which is now starting to get busy already. ugh i hate my time-management skills, so rusty.

anyway, i wanted to write today, but it seems like finishing this essay had drained me to the core, so i'll just try again tomorrow.

ayan na naman, ang dami ko na namang iniiwan for bukas sksksks

hopefully, i'll finish everything i have to do and ignore my shark week hormones because i swear,,,, they're the worst

THAT'S IT FOR TODAY

ASDHJDHASJDHASJDA i swear the entries here are getting weirder and i have no one to blame but myself and my random mind. anyway ill try to be back again tomorrow, tumblr

ugh fucking tomorrow

BYE

[lizzieblabbers]

OMYGOD IM A VERY BAD BLOGGER

SORRY

i've been inactive for almost two weeks i hate school

IVE BEEN SWAMPED WITH SCHOOL WORKS I BARELY SLEPT MY GOD

the deadlines are never-ending, and i was sick for weeks (still have colds right now but at least its tolerable) BUT A GOOD NEWS: I WROTE ANOTHER WIP AHDHASDH

idk if its a good news, but im chronologically writing it--im not overplanning, im not writing random chapters. yes and now im almost finished with chapter 3 and already have ideas for chapters 4 and 5

ok so i think im gonna end it here muna because i have a lot to do and im so drained with all the constant socializations (albeit virtual) yeah im built that way so anyways ill probably be back soonest (hopefully pls im fucking tired of essays)

a proof that im still breathing and is still a hooman

BABYE PLS PRAY 4ME

[lizziedoll]

[pinkblacknblonde]

i'd just like to say that it's been hours and i'm still pissed at that one dude who tricked me earlier today

THAT'S HOW MAD I AM AT HIM.

jgkdfjgkfjgkdfjgkdfjgdf.

words can not describe how mad...