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Cruel Summer

Sinister Strange x reader; Doctor Strange Supreme x reader.

This is inspired by a dream I had, and slightly by the song "Cruel summer" by Taylor Swift.

Summary: "I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?

Warnings: Hurt/ Comfort. Angst, toxic relationship, and a lot of fluff. It has a lot of summer vibes.

Disclaimer: This is fiction made just for entertainment and should not be confused with things that happen in real life, be aware of toxic relationships, set your boundaries, guys!

Read this on AO3 or Wattpad.

"Christine" The gruff voice broke the silence you had been stuck in for hours, it was not the first time you felt this ravaged, while you looked through the window at the black landscape, at the dead land before you, beyond the borders of the property you called home. You knew it was a forgotten cemetery, the soil covering all the corpses of the individuals of that city, the city whose name, streets, buildings or inhabitants you could not recall, and although he would say you were lucky to be alive, you knew quite well you belonged to them, to the citizens buried under the soil, under the dust, under oblivion. "I've told you not to aimlessly walk around the place, it's dangerous".

It was true, the damages in the place were as hideous as lacerated was your mind, and that was one of the reasons you would never think of leaving, it was not like you had more options either, but the fact that the cold colours that flooded the furniture and tapestries mimicked the colour of your heart, slowly freezing, dying, and everything was as blue as your feelings were, would make you stay if you had had another option.

You nodded and headed to your chair, where you took a seat and waited for his voice to talk to you, to command you. He plodded towards you with his hands intertwined on his back, next he sat before you and examined you, your face, your eyes, your body. It was always like that, as if he was trying to find an error, a defect, and he was always able to find it because an exasperated sigh followed all the times, as well as an annoyed look.

"Any plans for today?" You shook your head and looked at the floor. "You can't remember anything?"

Same answer.

"Alright, I guess you're staying here by my side today".

You didn't emit any comment because there was no need, you knew it quite well. He would always ask the same question, but you were not able to remember. Not a thing, not what you had been before this. All you knew, the man before you was your husband, to whom you had to be devoted to because he had also happened to save your life, regardless the fact you didn't know what from, his face was familiar though, your memories were gone but you were certain you had been by his side for a long time now.

"Oh, sweetheart" His eyes met yours, he was almost kneeling before you and you knew what was going to happen next, his devilish grin stood out in his face. "Do you really want to stay by my side?"

His words were charming but his voice had never sounded like it, in fact, displeasure was always there, not even hiding but in plain sight.

"Yes, Stephen".

You assured because you had nothing else left, it was just the two of you in the world, because he was your husband and you were his wife, because you could not help but love him although despair was probably the only reason why you loved him, you needed something (or someone) to clung onto.

"I love it when you're this submissive" his face remained somber as did his voice. You didn't know much after what had happened but to you, that was what hatred would look like, even if he was trying to disguise it somehow and pretend it was love or lust. "You always want to please your beloved husband, don't you?"

You did not know how to react, he was your husband but still a stranger you knew nothing about and yet, you didn't want to reject him because when you were lying together, that was the only time you could feel something different, as though he realised you were actually the woman he had chosen to marry, to spend eternity with. Even if his fingers gave you the shivers due to the colour they embraced, as if they had touched the depths of his soul, you would not reject their touch; no matter how much icy they were, they would always make you melt.

Stephen was playing with your hair, taking some strands of it and smelling them. You had obliged to lay on his bare chest after your little physical encounter, because you knew it was what he liked, you had got to know a bit of him throughout your aftermath while you were trying to get your old self back.

You found everything in him fascinating and novel, the shape of his body, his eyes as deep as the ocean; his pale skin convinced you every time he was indeed a phlegmatic marble sculpture; his lifeless lips; his beefy muscles yet his always languid movements; and even the scars of his secret past that had remained and were now a part of him were captivating to you. You had noticed those cicatrices seemed to brought him terrible memories and a throbbing pain almost unbearable, and you always wondered how he had got those scars in his stomach and lower back that looked so dreadful and must have produced him such a big ache when he got them, as if he had been impaled and left bleeding, because even now that they looked completely healed or at least covered with novel yet red-purple skin, when something touched him by accident in the aforementioned spots, he would always involuntarily tremble as if he had been hit by a lightning strike, so you would avoid touching them at any cost.

"Stephen?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you a favor?"

He left your hair and met your pupils, his coldest look was back, above the big black bags of his eyes, his coarse hair falling over his wintry forehead giving him an unfathomable aspect.

"I would like to go out, to see the town, we could go together and..."

"No".

"But I think it would be good for me and my health, I'm always here and I think a little walk, and wandering around would allow me to recover my memories and..."

"I said no".

The man rose and got dressed with his unusual robes in dark tones, your eyes glistened with tears that were probably not perceived by him, otherwise how he could have left you all alone when he claimed he loved you and wanted the best for you? His usual expression materialised in his facial features and in his demeanour, he was back to the sea of his thoughts, adrift, but never seeking the way home, back to you.

"You cannot leave this place, Christine. Never". His voice quavered, simulating the notes from the nostalgic melody he would play at the dust of the night on the old piano when he thought you were already asleep, the melody that brought you a bunch of terrible lost memories, trepidation as well as distress, you would usually fall asleep to it once you eyes were drained, and find dry tears in your parched cheeks in the morning just because of the anguish it made you feel. It was Stephen's regret, woes and vexation towards you comprised in a song, it was to you as the chirp of a bird of prey, announcing your end.

"But Stephen, please..."

"It's dangerous out there, and there's nothing to see, that's my final word. And now get up, I don't want you to get depressed again".

A tear ran through your cheek once he left you there all alone. You should be accustomed to his baffling manners, but somehow it still felt unsettling after all of those weeks of convalescence, you feel used, you feel as if once he had got what he wanted he all of a sudden remembered how much he hated you, you wanted to hate him too, but then you remembered all the times you had found him feeding you warm soup and providing you with medicines and other remedies just in order to make you feel better, you remembered he had told you just bits of your story so you would not get haunted by the past, it also came to you memory how he had received your kisses with that concerned, scared and indecisive look in his eyes, and you just could not help but love him.

"I'm sorry" the voice came out as a whisper, a soft whisper, hatred was not there and instead regret, you could tell it was not feigned. It had been some time after your little argument, maybe a couple of hours and he was back to you. "I just... except for the emptiness, there is nothing left, and this seclusion is better than whatever that remains out there, I could not allow myself to put you or your health at risk, I'm not willing to gamble on your life, the best is if you stay here, please, don't insist".

And then again, sourness in his look, leaving again after you had softly nodded, not convinced about his reasons but with no will to go against his and lose everything (him) again.

Dinner was not any different at first, as every night you remained quiet, certainly, a stranger would be less harsh; he seemed to be distracted thinking about something you could not tell but you knew it was something complicated because he was clearly puzzled. He took the last bite of his meal glaring at you but not seeing you, moving his mouth reflecting doubt, he was making a decision and you held your breath in anticipation.

"If you really think you need some fresh air and you'll be in an acceptable health condition after it, then you can go to the garden whenever you feel like it, or what remains of it".

You smiled at him, sincerely, you hadn't expected that, it was one of those few nice gestures towards you that made you feel hope, he didn't hate you, he had just gone through a lot recently, or at least it was what you liked to think.

"But don't you dare go beyond the border, otherwise there will be consequences".

He rose, walked by your side but stopped when you muttered a "thank you, Stephen" and then left a soft kiss on your scalp.

-

It was the first time you were in the front garden, Stephen had helped you to go downstairs because your weakened legs still trembled a bit, but had left you alone once he had repeated the warning he had given you the night before. You assured him you would stay in the garden and would never step outside, streets looked depressing enough from the distance. You took a seat on the white wooden bench by the side of the building with the book you had taken with you on your lap, over your long skirt that danced to the wind's beat.

During the weeks you had spent trapped inside the house, you had never seen the sky this way, it had always been black pitch as eternal night, a perpetual thunderstorm smashing onto the ground, with clouds forming eddies that never stopped as an optical illusion that always made you feel dizzy and brought sorrow to your soul since you used to think they were gates waiting for leading you to the eternal damnation, black holes slowly devouring the lives of the inhabitants of that oneiric world. Whereas, this afternoon, the sky was clearer, albeit it was still gray, some blue hunks, gifts provided by the wind, were shown from time to time. Dewy and dimming clouds that at first were distant moved in swift motion over your head, with their bright edges reminding you the sun was hiding but was still there and waiting for the moment to finally shine up in the sky, over you.

The place looked different now that you were able to see it from a close distance, it was indeed scattered with residuals, grass, dead plants and an elm that in another times would have been deciduous but now was still waiting for the spring spirit to embrace it and to grow some leaves, his branches and roots slowly encroaching on the walls and everything at reach. You tried to focus on your book and the tragic love story developing within its pages despite the desolated wilderness you had before you that brought nostalgia and sadness to your heart, until as announced, a lightning split the sky into two and some drops fell into the pages of your book. You looked up, exposing your face to the raindrops, to the call of life.

"Time to go in" your husband stood in front of you, you could perceive he was upset once more. "I don't want you to get ill".

You nodded and obliged to cross the threshold after him.

"You see, it was not a good idea to go there, you look pale, you are not ready for this". He didn't look at you, he was watching outside, he was staring at the rain lashing, pelting the circled window, and you realised it was the first time you saw the rain, it was novel, yet somehow familiar, you wished to be under it, to feel it, but you knew quite well he would not allow it.

"It was!" You quickly responded. "I'm grateful because I had the chance to be there today, to feel the wind on my face, thank you Stephen".

He nodded and remained silent, you had already noticed he was not the talkative type of man. You left your place and headed to the kitchen where you took a book filled with old recipes, even if you didn't remember how to cook you had tried it a few times over the last couple of weeks because you were bored since there was nothing to do there except for mundane activities. After a not too long period of time you were asking Stephen for permission to come into his office and offered him a tart with the apples you had managed to find. He looked a bit surprised at it, it looked good enough and it was something he had probably not foreseen because you read disbelief in his face.

"It is to thank you for allowing me to go out".

"There was no need, it's not like I am keeping you captive I'm just concerned about you... but thank you". He beamed, you sat before him once he had nodded and you two had a slice of it with some iced tea, and for the first time, even though the both of you were silent, the atmosphere was peaceful and you didn't feel that weight on your back you were so used to, the weight that always indicated you to behave in certain way, so he would not get angry at you, you would always try to maintain a low profile when being around. "It was scrumptious".

You smiled at him and dared to kiss his cheek before leaving him with his work or whatever he was doing.

"Stephen, I was wondering if you could... somehow get me some seeds. Perhaps I could..."

He sighed.

"...Of course if it is not too much of a problem".

"No, it's ok, I'll bring you some once I have the opportunity then... any specifications?"

"Just the colourful type of flowers?"

He nodded and joined you in the bed without saying a single word, not even a good night kiss, he looked exhausted although you could tell he had not had more business to take care of than usual. He allegedly fell asleep almost immediately because his breath became heavier, you admired him, he looked peaceful when he was sleeping, despair was gone. All of a sudden, you gasped in horror when you found out his damn cunning third eye remained open and was scrutinising you, making you freeze, it was always unbearable, finally it closed and you decided your husband was completely asleep. You were trying to get rid of the feeling that eye gave you, so you stared at the ceiling, you were not seeing it, you were just reflecting about your situation, trying to retrieve any memory that gave you a clue of what events had led you into your current situation. It was very late in the night when an idea crossed your mind. Why did Stephen seem to hate you at times? You were his wife, and if you were married then he would have had to love you at some point in the past. Unless he was incapable, but from time to time you could see in his eyes a glimpse of love, so that was not the reason for that attitude... Perhaps it had all been your fault. Yes, it all made sense that way. Maybe you should talk to Stephen and make things clear, although knowing him and his extreme paranoia about your health he might refuse your initiative, besides he had always avoided that subject. Before the sun rose that morning you knew exactly what you would do in order to make things right between the two of you.

When you got up it was already late, you were still weak and you had gone to sleep late besides, so the first task you had planned in your mind had been a failure. Your husband was away you could tell, he did that from time to time, you did not know much but he would get supplies for the both of you from god knows where, it was the only time he would leave for the day so you thought it was a good idea to take advantage of the time.

You cleaned the house, which was such a complicated activity since it was almost ruined, not just the structure but everything else was falling into pieces, the tapestries and furniture were scratched, the ceiling had damp, there were papers and music sheets all around the floor, and the old fashioned ornaments were scattered, you stopped yourself for a minute in order to contemplate everything surrounding you; the furniture and objects made the place look as an abandoned gothic manor, and you realised the dismal vibe it had could be the cause you two were so down all the time, that was why it was important to get it cleaned, you tried not to touch anything of his strange belongings, and after some hours you could see it was decent enough and it was enough of a remarkable change. You prepared a good dinner and put on your best dress. That should do, that should emend your errors from the past, that should be a sign to start over for the two of you.

Stephen Strange came out of nowhere as he always did, with a lot of bags in his arms and you quickly assisted him with some.

"It is not necessary, I can handle it".

You nodded and gave him your brightest smile.

"What is this all about?" He asked once he looked at you more carefully, he noticed the change in your aspect, and he also noticed the arrangement of the table: the candles, the wine and the good looking dishes on it. He looked around and could almost feel as if he was somewhere else, somewhere less emotionally depriving.

"Nothing... I mean, I've been feeling better and that's because of you, so I decided it was a good idea to celebrate a bit. You must be starving, come on, let's have dinner".

He frowned and followed you. He enjoyed the dinner and the small talk afterwards about dinner itself, music and book preferences, nevertheless, he changed his mind once you started to ask him about the past as though he had run out of words and with no further explanations he cut you off by saying past was not important anymore; and even if you really wanted to know what had happened you decided you could manage to develop some kind of strategy to make him talk some other day, but right now you needed to be cleverer, you needed to win him over, besides, you had seen him more cheerful than usual and that made you feel good too.

"Perhaps we should go to sleep" you suggested in an attempt to change the subject, to keep his good mood.

"Yes... but before that, you know, I actually have a present for you too" Stephen softly smiled at first, took something from the inside pockets of his jacket, because he would dress different every time he left, and offered you some small paper packets. You took them excited, and you found out they were the seeds you had asked for and a wider smile lit up your face, your eyes shone and Stephen's gestures softened again, deep down he had been hoping that reaction would show up in your face.

"Thank you, Stephen" you ran towards him since you were trying to get the table clean before heading to your bedroom and kissed his lips, thrilled, next you wrapped him into your arms and although he was astonished due to your gesture he didn't let go.

As many other nights, that one ended with both of your bodies entwined but this time, you felt different, everything had happened under different circumstances driven by new feelings that made your heart race and your stomach ache in the best of ways, you could actually feel something else inside you, beyond habit, and you did not know why but you had a feeling, you were sure that night your lives would change forever.

-

"Good morning, love".

You smiled, you had been ready this time, you had woken up earlier, therefore you had the chance to prepare a nice breakfast that was ready by the time he was just coming out of your bedroom, still half asleep, still with the hair tangled, it was the first time you used those words to refer to him and it made your pulse rush.

"Good morning", he replied, the same sort of shock of the good type reflected in his face. "I was wondering where were you, it smells very good I can say". He had taken a moment to breathe in deeply.

"Please, sit down and let's eat breakfast together". You smiled, he behave as a gentleman and helped you to sit in front of the table.

After breakfast and once you had finished your cup of coffee, he took care of the plates, therefore you hurried out to the garden because you could not hold your excitement back anymore, you had taken your seeds with you and everything that could be of use in order to revive that wrecked garden. You started to cut and remove everything that was wilted since you needed space for the flowers you wanted to grow there. You could already see th epicture in your head, you read a lot and it only made your imagination to go wild.

It was a fact you had been feeling so much better and you were also trying to focus on the future instead of the detrimental past that used to revolve as a bunch of clouds that blinded your thoughts, which had brought as a result mental health that could also be translated into physical health almost all the time, you still felt a bit weak from time to time and sleepy, the headaches were gone though. You had to hurry or the rain would take away your opportunity to clean up that mess just like the other day. You even started to sing at a low voice while you were working, and it was the first time you did so, an indicator of how well you were doing.

All of a sudden you noticed a shadow moving from behind you, perhaps it was not a big deal but it made you fear for your life, you stopped singing and got paralysed, your eyes widened in shock, the man wrapped into dark robes with a funny expression that could be mistaken by a murderer's look was holding a shovel, walking towards you, he had made you freeze. Opposite to what you had thought at first glance, he didn't seem to have any intentions of murdering you.

"Let me help you with that". He started to make small holes with his tool, he had seen the shock in your face and a tiny smile appeared in his, once you saw his intentions were not as dark as you had first thought, you planted the seeds in the small holes he had made and watered them.

"Thank you" you whispered when you had succeeded in finishing the job, he smiled. Next you laughed at him, after looking at him carefully, he looked at himself too and discovered you were laughing at the mess on his clothes and face, the soil on them had become mud.

"But look at you" You looked at your dress and hands, you were definitely a big mess too and you couldn't help but laugh even louder. Stephen dared to laugh too, finally. As loud as he could. It was the first time you heard him laugh, a new sound you were sure you would love for the rest of your life. As though life had come back to him and flooded his veins, lighting up his face and eyes. You two had never been happier and even if you found it hard to believe, the sun might have wanted to join your celebration because it dared to shine leaving the clouds far behind, it even felt a bit warmer.

You stared at it until you realised you were starting to see black spots due to the great amount of light it provided, so you just closed your eyes but kept your face in its direction as well as your smile, it felt so odd, yet so good, life was also coming back to you, you breathed out and in, your lungs filling with pure air. The sky was blue in addition, light blue, a colour you had never seen in it before. The wind blew softly and an exhale came out of you, it reflected joy and peace, the peace you had been longing for.

You opened again your eyes once you felt the cold hands of your husband grabbing yours, you stared at him for a couple of seconds, you were glowing because of the joy you were experiencing. You held his icy hands, his eyes were examining you again, he was not being cruel this time though, he was being curious, you could tell by his expression, it seemed he hadn't found the defect he was always looking for, instead, you could read tenderness in his eyes. He took his gloomy fingers to your face and softly placed his lips on yours.

-

Some weeks later, things had changed for the both of you, you were happier than you had ever been and it was reflected in your appearance, you weren't thin, languid or pale anymore, now your cheeks had reddened and your eyes shone all the time. Change could also be perceived in Stephen who looked a bit more alive and now smiled more often, which was good news to you, nevertheless, the most meaningful change had been his attitude towards you, it felt as if hatred had also been replaced for love. You spent days strolling in the garden, reading, sharing thoughts on the books you read, baking together, admiring the sky, holding each other until it was time to sleep.

That morning the intense sun shone, standing out on the blue sky, with no clouds surrounding it, the flowers ranging to yellow sunflowers, daisies, violets to pink and red roses that you two had planted had finally bloomed, you could perceive their aroma right from where you were standing, even if you were inside just looking from the window and you got the feeling of being stuck in an enchanted forest. The sunlight provided life to the green leaves that stuck out on the blue sky, the wind created dancing shadows with them and the bees had came out of nowhere, these had also happened to invite some birds, such as the cute swallow that was perched in the elm, which had also come back to life, and had woken you up that morning when the sky was still red and the clouds were orange due to the rise of the sun. You were looking at it through the dormer window, thanking life for giving you the chance to admire the other side of nature, the pleasant one, you remembered you had reached a point where you used to think you would blend in with the dark clouds, with the shadows of the house, you had thought of yourself as a ghost that could never escape and would forever keep surveillance of the house against intruders but would never be seen or heard, and you would look at them living the thrilling life you had longed and had never come. Now you had some kind of hope things were going to be fine, Stephen himself had been doing some reparations in the house, thus it didn't look as a ruined kirk in the middle of nowhere anymore, instead it looked more like a home, your home. The sunlight came towards the windows creating shadows that made you feel the house was alive, sometimes you thought it was just so quiet, even beyond the borders of the property the dead hills looked greener and lightened by the sunlight, the distant trees had flourished and the desolation picture was almost gone. You were doing just perfect or almost, since that morning you felt odd, nostalgic, sad, as you hadn't felt in a long time now, perhaps you had acquired some kind of virus because your eyes glistened and it was not because you wanted to cry, or maybe you wanted because thinking about all what had happened before made you feel weird, although you really felt a bit sick, you decided it was nothing to worry about and kept enjoying the view instead.

"I'll get us some supplies, sweetheart". The man stood behind you, waiting for you to look at him before he made his way out.

"May I go with you, Stephen?"

"I don't think it is a good idea..."

"... Please. I'll behave, no one will know I'll be there, I'm just so curious about it, I don't know anything but this".

"Trust me, it's better for the both of us if you stay here".

You sighed and looked at your feet, your eyes filled with the tears that you attempted to hold back, it would not have mattered, it was not such a big deal, but that morning was one of those. You didn't want to feel like that, you didn't want to cause either worry or wrath in your husband now that he had been acting so differently towards you.

"It's ok, be careful, be back by dinner time". Your voice stammered even if you tried to remain calm, but your body was betraying you. You nodded but didn't look at him, instead trudged to your bedroom.

"May I come in?" Stephen popped in and asked, you nodded as only response.

"Sorry Stephen, I didn't mean to throw a hissy fit just because of this".

"And that is why I am concerned, I've been watching you these days, what's going on? Are you ill?"

You shook your head.

"I'm fine".

"You're sensitive, even more than you used to be, and you're starting to look pale again, is there something you're not telling me?"

You denied again.

"Alright, then I suppose I will have to spoil you a bit in order to make you feel better, I don't want you to lose that smile of yours ever again, come with me". He offered his hand.

"Are you serious?"

"It's not a big deal after all, I reckon everything will be just fine if you do behave". He grinned and so did you.

You stepped out the bedroom and he held your hand in his once he opened that magical gate you had seen before but had never had the chance to cross. You did not expect to feel something because of it since you thought it was just a door, but you did, it was not as simple as to go across an ordinary door. The blue sparks that it irradiated made you feel as if the atoms within you body had vanished and brought together a new you, you were dizzy for a while after you crossed to the other side, you two had to take a seat before walking inside the place you aimed to visit, Stephen wanted you to go back but you assured him it was all because of that new experience and after a few minutes you would be fine.

It was a huge place, filled with racks and racks of the things you were used to see in your cupboards, there was a crowd making a hubbub, you had never been to a place that felt as alive as this one. Stephen got a little funny cart.

"Now, you have to choose what you want to take home and put it here, bring with you everything you need and want".

You nodded and after walking through some corridors your trolley was full, you had taken goods ranging from pasta to soap and a new blanket.

"And now what?"

"Well, they check this and this" he showed you some sort of an ID with his name in it. "And we take it home since here food is for free".

You certainly didn't expect it to be that way according to what you had read so far, but it was quite a good surprise so you simply smiled, although suddenly your smile was replaced by something else, an awkward expression.

"Stephen, before we get into that long queue, is there a chance I can use the toilet?" You asked all of a sudden.

"Of course!" Stephen guided you through the store until you finally reached the corner with the sign that indicated you had arrived, you looked pale. "Are you ok?"

"I will be" you hurried.

"I'll wait for you over there" he gestured at a bench not so far away from the spot you were standing.

You didn't have time to say anything else although you did listen to what he had said. You barely had the chance to close the door before you threw up, disgust took over you but also something else, the reason why you started to cry the next second, you didn't know what was coming about, you had been doing so much better, your health was improving and now this, what was happening to you? Were you dying? Stephen didn't have to know, you decided. Still you were scared, angry and devasted at the same time.

You stood in front of the mirror while you washed your face, you observed your pale skin, the wide bags under your eyes, and that eerie light in your pupils, then a distant thought crossed your mind. You remembered the last days and you realised you had been having these symptoms over the last two weeks, increasing gradually until they were now noticeable and hard to ignore, and then you also thought about the lack of blood over the last month. It was so obvious but you still were recovering, trying to adapt so you had paid no attention. Your heart raced and your legs trembled when the idea became clearer, you felt as if all of a sudden you were isolated again with no one out there to help you. A rough draft of a plan crossed your mind, you were afraid, but this was the only chance you would have in who knew how long. It was now or never.

You slipped outside the bathroom, you could see Stephen in the distance, he was distracted looking at nothing, so you took that chance and walked through the corridor until you reached the section "pharmacy" it read, you knew you would find what you were looking for there, because it was logical, besides the tour guide (Stephen) had explained every area of the place in detail. You reached for a shelf, the box with pink and blue lines drawn on it, you breathed in deeply and took it, saved it in your bag, you would do it when you were back home, even though you were dying due to the uncertainty he would get suspicious if you took longer in the bathroom.

"Hey you have to pay for that!"

The man with the uniform yelled at you. You ran scared because you were not sure what was going on, Stephen had told you everything was for free, so why would he start chasing you as if you were some kind of criminal? You did not know, you were confused and scared. It had been too much in just a couple of minutes. You had no other option but to run towards your husband who was still patiently waiting for you to go out the toilets.

"Thief!" The man was running after you, which was the more reason to escape.

"What's going on?" Stephen jumped from his seat and stood between your persecutor and you, you sheltered behind him as if you were a little girl.

"She's stealing, sir... "

Stephen groaned, exasperated due to the attitude of the man, he knew for the better humans in that specific universe were harder to deal with and made so much noise for nothing, instead of talking, they would attack.

"I'm sure it is just a misunderstanding. How much is it?" He reached for his wallet.

"900".

"Alright, here you are, now leave her alone". He handed him a couple of notes that covered the amount and the other man left looking at you with suspicion. "Sorry, dear. Just food is for free and some basic supplies, we have to pay for the rest, I should have warned you. But you should have told me you needed medicine, well actually, you should have asked for advice first, I'm a doctor after all, anyways, I would have paid for it... you feel ill, isn't it? That is for your illness".

You moved your head affirmatively. And again tears fooled you and ran through your cheeks with no way of stopping them.

"It's all fine, darling, come on let's go home. I assure you, you'll be fine, I knew you had to stay home".

Stephen compeled you to sit on your bed while he prepared dinner, and you took that chance to flee to the bathroom. You looked at the box and read the instructions carefully, did as it was indicated and waited for what seemed hours.

"Dinner is ready, do you want me to take it to the bedroom?"

"No, I'll go to the table, just a second".

"You sure?"

You didn't have another option but to head to the table because you knew quite well that if you took longer he would be dubious.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Stephen frowned at you while you stared at your food and played with it using your fork.

"I'm not really hungry" you were starving or had been before the smell of the pasta made you sick to the stomach, you wanted to throw up again. Twice a day now, you were absolutely worried.

"I see, you need a check-up".

"I'm fine, Stephen, I will prove you I can eat" he looked at you, he could see you were even more pale. You managed to eat a bit of your pasta without discarding it. "Ok that's it for today, I'm stuffed and tired".

He scowled at you and you slipped out of the kitchen to your bedroom, the time required had passed and you could not help but feel even more sick because of the whole situation. You were afraid of whatever the result would be, you didn't know what you were going to do to face any of those possible circumstances. You breathed in, checked the instructions in the box again a couple of times, a single line indicated you probably were never going to get better, and two of them indicated that probably after some time, you would. Your hands trembled because you were not able to contain or manage your emotions, you were drowning in them as if a wave had stolen your breath. You didn't want to look at it, you wished Stephen was there by your side holding you, telling you whatever the result was, he was going to be with you, love you and you would face it together and then everything would be fine, but although he had changed over the last few weeks, you did not know how he would react and you were scared that improvement was only a cover for some kind of hidden intentions.

The world revolved around you, your head was about to blow up, you were so confused, so scared. It was only two lines and they had forever changed your life in just a few seconds, you sobbed and you did not know why. What was the problem? You were married, that was probably something you had been expecting at some point.

"Hey? Are you alright?" The man you were so afraid of for some reason you could not understand knocked at the door because he had heard your sobbing.

"I am" you stuttered.

"Open the door".

You obliged to remain calm, you didn't know what to do, so for now you saved the pregnancy test on the box and hid it, just until you found the right words to tell him, since at some point it would be impossible to hide. You opened the door and went out, you tried your best to hold back your weep.

"What is happening to you? I reckon I thought it was nothing serious until this morning. You can tell me, otherwise how am I supposed to help you?"

"Do you love me, Stephen?"

He looked at you as if you had developed a third eye in your forehead.

"What does it have to do...?

"Just answer, why are we married? Do you love me?"

"What do you know?"

"What?"

"There must be a reason you are asking this now, what do you know?"

"I see, you don't".

You were lost in that conversation for sure, what was he hiding? You had always had the feeling it was something dark in your past but this just confirmed it and left you hopeless.

"That is not what I said!"

"In fact, you did not say anything. I knew it, deep down I have always known it but I had hope. Don't worry, Stephen. Don't feel bad about it, one cannot oblige oneself to feel. You didn't break me, I already was".

You took your place on your side of the bed and wrapped into the blankets you started to think about what the future would be for you and the little being inside you, who allegedly would not be wished or loved by their father either.

You heard a suspire leaving him, he left you there all alone, you did nothing but wait until sleep embraced you.

A couple of days later and Stephen barely talked to you, because you had in fact been avoiding him. You refused to go out and even to leave the bed, you felt so bad both physically and mentally you only wished you could disappear. You had had so much time alone and yet you hadn't made up your mind, you looked again at the test you were holding, you wanted to throw it away and keep the secret to yourself, but your thoughts were back to the point where you knew it would be impossible to hide in just a couple of months, you were absorbed in your thoughts, hopeless.

"So this is what it was all about?" you were indeed so absorbed you didn't notice you weren't longer alone, and the man you shared your home (and your life) with was standing before you with rage in his gaze. "What is that? Show me".

You had failed in your attempt of hiding it under the white covers when you suddenly realised you had company, and you found Stephen had already taken it from you because you were feeble and his strength was in all senses more powerful than yours, your hand had froze under his grasp. He held the small device in his fingers and you noticed it took him a some seconds to recognise its function. His gaze traveled from the device to your face in a few seconds, stupefaction drawn in his features.

"Oh sh-...! It can't be... how?" he whispered, your eyes filling with tears again, how dare he ask that? The reaction you had feared was now with no doubts, real. He was disgusted and also you oculd tell he felt the kind of feeling that produced regret and shame. "Are you really pregnant? This cannot be happening". After that, he didn't say anything else or demanded an answer since words had been snatched from your mouth and from his, you could only feel wrath and could not stop crying, whereas he kept looking at the two bars in disbelief, his face getting darker and darker, the Stephen you had first met was back and the happiness you two had had over the last couple of weeks was now gone, probably forever. He left, closing the door behind his back, leaving you with your shattered heart and a growing sour and despair in your soul. Your fate was clear: loneliness. Therefore, you had two choices, to keep that new life by your side and raise them in that ominous world all on your own, or accompany them to the land you truly believed you should be an inhabitant of, the land of death. Your breakable heaven had proven its fragility, and now you had hit the ground with no way to ascend again.

-

It had been two weeks since the last time you had seen Stephen, you were sad and angry and in addition the pregnancy was being rude at you, you could barely walk without wanting to throw up, you detested the taste of food as well as its smell. And in addition, you did not have as much energy as you would have liked, since you spent most time lying in your bed, sleeping, and the little time you wandered around the house, you always found yourself standing, looking through the dormer window, secretly waiting for Stephen to cross the garden gate and look at you from below. Your hormones made your feelings more intense and you felt more isolated than ever, anyone could say you were more than ready to give up.

At that point you could only feel hatred towards Stephen, yet you could not help but still worry about his whereabouts, you didn't have any way to contact him, Stephen had disappeared, vanished into the summer breeze that had become a gale, he had left you alone with no way out. If he did not come back soon you would starve to death (and your child along with you), which was probably his plan, now you could see: a slow solitary death. Whatever you had done in the past must have been one of the most grievous massacres committed by humankind because otherwise, no one could deserve that, furthermore, Stephen could not be less of a villain that you were in any case, since you now were sure he was not capable of having feelings because he was not able to show compassion towards you either, not even in those circumstances. You didn't know very well what to do, but you decided you would fight until the end, until Stephen came back to you and was himself with his own hands who tore you apart and yet you would fight for yourself and for the one who was not guilty of anything but somehow was already suffering, until your last breath left you.

You got up and wandered all around the house, room by room, and although most doors were locked, it took you a while to explore it, you even dared explore the basement, the one you were so afraid of, you always heard noises coming from it, when you knew very well there was no one there except for shadows. As you had foreseen, besides darkness and dust you could not find anything helpful, and you were about to leave it, when you heard a noise coming from an old wardrobe, it was the sound of someone knocking at the door, and for a second you were afraid Stephen had been stuck in it for the whole two weeks, you hurried and opened the wooden door. Against everything that had crossed your mind, you found a piece of purple and black cloth, that fluttered over you, and then revolved around, as if it was scrutinising you. You attempted to leave before it hurt you, but finally the object that you soon realised was a cloak landed on your shoulders. You were paralysed for a couple of seconds until you decided to go upstairs because the basement was frightening enough.

"What the hell?" You exclaimed once you realised the cloak would not recede, you were looking at it in the mirror, trying to take it off with no results, you sighed, giving in, at least it didn't seem to be dangerous, you addressed to it still looking at the both of you in the mirror. "Alright, you can stay there if that's what you wish, I don't care, still I have to find that idiot, so if you try to stop me, then you'll face an angry mother to be". And you decided your new companion was inoffensive and would not harm you, and on the contrary, it was friendly

As last resource, you went out to the garden, it had been a log time since you had been there and the image you remembered of it, seemed far away, it had nothing to do with the pretty enchanted garden you had seen the last time. You found a gray sky that threatened to drop a thunder over you, the flowers you had seen so colourful and alive were all wilted for no apparent reason, the sun had hidden again, welcoming the devasted landscape you had known; the tornadoes were also back in the black sky and for a second you wished one of them would actually trap you and kill you, you sighed, you were exhausted. Your life had receded to your first memories and you wondered if you hadn't got fever in the first place and you had imagined the good time you had spent with your so-called husband, was he even real? He had to be, otherwise, how would have you managed to be there and survive that long?

"Where are you Stephen Strange?" you groaned looking around, as if you were playing hide and seek and he would jump over you at any second, trying to surprise you.

The cloak over your shoulders finally took off and levitated until it was in front of you, it held your hand, or rather wrapped your hand and guided you until you almost crossed the black metallic fence, you stopped yourself, trying to prevent the cloak from getting you out the lands belonging to the house, remembering the warning Stephen had given you, you asked yourself if the risk out there was that important, if it would be worse than starving, than being all alone there in complete uncertainty. Stephen was not at sight, so you had not option but venture yourself into the unknown, beyond the borders you would not have dared to cross otherwise, allowing the flying cloth that seemed to have a personality of its own to guide you through the stairs you had never been able to see before and into the path that soon became indistinguishable.

Once you had got down through that immense staircase that certainly you didn't expect to find, everything changed. Air had stopped being the medium which you used to breath, and that was probably the reason the new environment surrounding you was drowning you, at first sight it looked like an immense dead sea that led to a big door which was closed so you attempted to cross that sea. Soon enough you blindly trudged on the swamp under your feet. You had not had time to reflect on it, but what was before your eyes was nothing you had expected to find, not even in your dingy nightmares, from the dormer window in the upper floor you would always see the bleak rugged cliffs that stood out on the dismal horizon, colorless except for the days when you had got to know joy; you would also perceive the ruins of the structures and the shadows of the church that stuck out over the precipice when moon came out, remanence of the tragedy you all had been victims of, the leftovers of civilisation, of life, now whereas, instead of walking down those streets you used to distinguish from the distance, you were slowly submerging into an abyss that seemed to be filled with black ink, the ink Stephen had used to create your world, to create you.

Blackness was the only thing you could discern, your breathing became more and more irregular the longer you spent there, you could still feel the cloak that held your hand though, and you thought you were going to faint at any second, because in the middle of that suffocating atmosphere, you could see a glimpse of light, something that didn't belong there.

"Help me, please" a distant disembodied voice pleaded, a voice you knew quite well.

"Stephen? Where are you?"

You walked until you reached the spot that was not as dark as the rest. There he was, Stephen Strange, he looked different though, his beard wasn't as untidy as it usually was, neither was his hair, among other features such as the lack of paleness of his skin that made you doubt for a second he was your Stephen Strange, he was standing, looking at you, pain was reflected in his gestures.

"Come with me, Stephen". You offered your hand.

"Oh, yes, you are pregnant, I knew it, I knew it ever since the beginning, I'm a doctor after all" never daring to touch you, he had had just a glimpse of you, he smiled weakly.

"I'm pregnant with our child, Stephen, come home with us".

"I want to, but you have to help me".

"How?"

"I don't know" he tried to hold your hand but you realised he was incapable of touching anything, he was a ghost.

"You're dead".

"Not yet".

"What is happening?" You had started to weep because it was too much for you, all of it.

"You need to find the book, you need to destroy it, otherwise I'll be dead, and so will you".

"What book?"

"THE DARKHOLD!" He was exasperated, he did not really know what to do.

"I will, but come with me". You promised although you did not know what he was talking about, perhaps he had just gone crazy.

"I can't! It was a mistake... I should have never used it in the first place, I was so obsessed... Christine was never meant to be mine".

"Oh, but I am, I am yours and you're mine, Stephen".

A sour laugh came from his mouth.

"Oh darling, but you are not Christine".

"Wh-"

"I cannot explain that now, look for the book, and don't allow me to get it first. You better take care of her... of them, understood?"

The cloak nodded, Stephen all of a sudden had turned into a motionless sculpture that slowly vanished and you sighed in awe at him, your companion took you back home, you laid on the dead grass trying to recover your forces and breath since you were almost choking out there, and to dispel the shock, you didn't know what was happening. You nodded off, you ended up exhausted after your little adventure.

"Christine!" There he was, the Stephen you knew, the chaotic one, you didn't know what to think, everything was so odd, you didn't longer know when to rely on your senses, according to you, you had just seen a healthy Stephen back then and now you were caught by the curious gaze of the pale, malicious one. "Where were you? And where did you get that from?"

"From the basement, where I was... I was looking for you and I thought you were trapped inside a wardrobe".

"Well I wasn't" he careless took the cloak and twisted and squeeze it in his fingers, his knuckles reddened due to the force he was applying, so much you perceived the cloak started to shift in pain, and you were sure it would have screamed and pleaded for help if it had been capable of, you feared for its fate because now Stephen had also started to use that lights, probably magic, and he was slowly burning it.

"Please, can I keep it?" You took part because Stephen was really hurting it, you did not know how was that possible since it was an object but you had to do something. "It's warm".

He furiously looked at it and then at you. He gave up and threw it at you with contempt.

"I guess you can, it is useless after all, make sure it behaves, otherwise..."

"I'll make sure". You took it from his hands and wrapped it around yourself as if it was a blanket, it slightly trembled around you, and you felt sorry for it, you'll repair it later. You changed the subject because Stephen kept looking in suspicion at the both of you. "Where were you?"

"Away, I needed to think".

"So?"

"Are you still angry at me because I am pregnant?" You stuttered.

"What? I was never angry at you because you were pregnant".

Surprise was drawn in your face.

"I was angry at myself for letting that happen". He explained himself.

Disbelief replaced your latter expression. He had guts to tell you that you had to recognise that.

"Why Stephen? Why do you hate me this much? Did I do something wrong to you? Did I hurt you somehow?" You asked, muddled.

"Don't say nonsense, I don't hate you, where did you get that idea from?" Bewildered, he asked and it was not feigned, in his head he could not understand why you thought he hated you.

"Then why do you keep treating me like this? What is happening? Why are you so 'angry at yourself' because I got pregnant? We are married, you know, that's normal, that's something that would happen at some point". By that time, you were already a sobbing mess because you were not able to control your feelings no matter how hard you tried, he was breaking you with every single word.

"It's complicated and no worth of explanation, you don't need to know, now let's go, it's freezing, in your state it won't do any good".

"I won't go anywhere if you don't want us in your life. It is ok, you can leave again, we don't need you". Your tears disguised behind the raindrops that even though had just started to pelt had already left you soaking wet, Stephen looked at you, he was trying to act distant but you could read sadness in his eyes, he tried to remain quiet but you knew he was actually dejected, you knew quite well that feeling and how it looked, you had had the chance to feel it a few times in the past.

"Oh come on, don't start talking in plural, it is ridiculous and annoying, now come in." He tried to sound serious but he was indeed downhearted, you could hear it. He grabbed your hand, just after he softly wiped your tears away.

-

"It won't show up until at least the end of the third month, so you can stop that".

You sighed and looked at the man who was apparently concentrating on a book, he had fooled you at first, but it was noticeable he was actually paying attention to what you were doing due to his commentary, you had been admiring yourself in the mirror in your bedroom for a couple of minutes now, you were wondering when you would be able to see your child's face, to hold him or her in your arms, you had taken your hands over your belly and smiled softly at your mental picture, the one where you had a big bump showing. Cloakie, as you had started to call it, appeared all of a sudden landing on your shoulders and avoiding Stephen to keep judging your actions, you smiled a bit when you saw your husband made a grimace due to the cloak's action.

"Could you at least stop your bids to make my life miserable and allow me instead to enjoy this? I know for some reason I cannot understand you did not want this to happen but it is neither my fault or the baby's, so shut up!"

"Sorry". It was a suspire coming from him this time, you did not know what was going through his mind, but you didn't like to think about it, it always gave you an awful feeling, even imagining what was he thinking gave you the shivers, perhaps he was thinking of murdering you, the darkness in his eyes threatened you.

"Forget about it, I'll go out, you always get to ruin my mood, congratulations".

"Where?"

"To the museum, of course. To the garden, genius".

"Do not..."

"Trespass the border, I know. Keep reading, I'll be ok, I just need some time alone".

You were acting brave because Stephen had made you angry since the last time he had just vanished without worrying about you or your baby, yet it was hard, you were scared but you had to pretend you were brave enough to face him to let him see you were willing to do anything to protect the life inside you even if that meant losing him, because he was not longer the most important you had, he was not longer the only thing you had left, the only thing to hold on; you had the impression he was way more dangerous than you thought, you could see it from time to time in the shadows that crossed his eyes when he was looking away, in the nights when he was lying pretending to be asleep, in his devilish grinning, in his dark fingers... You made sure Stephen was not actually following you before you ventured yourself into the unknown.

"You stay here and let me know if he comes before I am back".

The cloak crossed its edges as if they were arms over what could have been its chest, but you continued anyways, because you needed to get things mended, because according to the Stephen's ghost you had talked to, it was the only way to make things right between the two of you, and to get to know the truth, the past he had been hiding from you for a long time now.

It had been just a couple of weeks and it was the third time you went there, every time with a new section of the infamous dark hold. You had found it at plain sight in Stephen's office, the only book that actually gave you the shivers so far, you did not want to reflect about it but its cover looked like old human flesh, his pages were written in a language you could not recognise and the ink seemed to be dry blood, the first time you had touched it your fingertips had become a little bit black, just as Stephen's. You had thought of taking the whole book with you, but for some reason, you could not, so you had decided to rip some pages of it and take them to the outside of the house so you could verify the authenticity of the aforementioned book, although by its creepy look, you could tell that was the book producing such a big damage in your life.

Since that first time, you would take a few pages to the centre of the darkness where the only light was alive, as a candle guiding you, and you'd let them burn there until they became dust, and as a result the flame became brighter.

"You still have trouble with gags? You look terrible again".

You nodded.

"Thank you, you look great, too".

"You know I don't mean it as an offense, stop acting like this, you're not like this".

"You want me to beg for your attention, Stephen, that's it? Well I am tired of it, I thought I had made a terrible mistake in the past and that was why I had earned your hate, but I'm not sure anymore of it, I started to think you never felt anything for me, I've been always a mistake, and as I said before, I cannot force you to love me, us... so I guess your submissive wife, looking for redemption is gone".

He rolled his eyes at you.

"Well I guess you've drawn my attention after all because I am concerned about the way you look. And even though it's been a while ever since I stopped bringing medical assistance I can still be of help".

"Thank you, Stephen, but I'll be fine, I just need to lie for a bit". And as you had just said you did. You lied on your back, looking at the roof waiting for the gags to pass, you were sure it wouldn't take that long, even if during the past days you had found out, they took longer and longer to disappear. You fell asleep because it was better that way, the last thing you felt was the cold hand of Stephen caressing your hair, while observing you, a novel feeling reflected in his eyes, it made you feel your work was slowly paying off, you did not want to keep that secret, but it seemed it was the only way you could keep Stephen.

"I love you". He muttered, wouldn't that phrase be taken as a bad omen for you?

-

Days drew on, your expeditions were often and often and although you felt completely worn out, you could actually perceive a little change in Stephen. He was being gentle towards you again, and hopefully it was because of what you had been doing, putting your life and your child's at risk and not just because of his unhinged condition.

"I wanted to apologise". He stated while you were on the bench, days were a bit sunny again, sunny enough to go out to get the summer wind slapping your face without it being uncomfortable. The flowers were starting to recover from the sudden squall that had stomped over them and some green leaves had appeared, decreasing the dismal landscape. You looked at him, he had taken a seat by your side. "I have been terrible at you".

"Indeed, you have". You didn't move a single inch, you were drained, you gazed up to the sky, at the drifting clouds.

"Please, I want to fix this". He reached for your hand, and you allowed his cold embrace because you were weak.

"But do you mean it, Stephen? Or will you change your mind the next second?"

"I mean it, I give you my word". You sighed, you wanted to believe, but you didn't have any guarantee. He took your hand to his lips and left a gentle kiss on it, and you smiled, sometimes you wished you could get rid of your feelings, they were useless. "I love you".

How easy was to fall into his trap, with some gentle words he always got you to lose your will. He was holding you as never before, as if his heart actually was capable of transport warm blood through his body, and you two were talking about how things would turn out for the better for the two of you finally, everything seemed so bright and you thought the book was actually the one causing Stephen to behave in ways he didn't want to. You saw the bright moon shinning over the sky through the window, it was a warm summer night, you could feel the air filling your lungs, cleaning them, hear the trees dancing to the wind, the smell of earth leaking and encroaching your senses.

"I think this place won't be this quiet ever again very soon, our child will transmit us life and joy. I can't wait to hold our child in my arms".

"I don't think it is a good idea".

"Which one?"

"To bring someone else into this world". He sighed, he kept looking at the roof but instead you rose until you were sitting in front of him, looking at his face.

"What are you talking about?"

"It is not too late yet".

"What? If you are suggesting what I think you are, don't even think about it".

"But why not?" Your face reflected shock and rage.

"Because I have already decided to keep them, and no matter what you do, I will always protect them".

"Sentiment is blinding you".

"Of course! Because the baby's inside of me! I know you cannot understand it, but to be honest, I cannot understand either why you hate me this much".

"I don't hate you! If I hated you, you would not be pregnant with my child in the first place!" He was exasperated trying to get you to understand something that actually just made you more and more puzzled.

"Then why would you ever be so heartless to even think something like that? I mean, something I don't want to do, because if I wanted I would have already done it".

"Think about it, there is nothing here, absolutely nothing. No schools, no other kids, no parks, no museums, nothing or no one but you and I".

"I am sure you'll find the way..."

"I won't. We'll remain in seclusion until the day we both die, there is no way in or way out, and then, that child will live in the same complete seclusion, at least we both have each other, but what will that child do all alone when we are gone?"

"But Stephen..."

"We're trying to do this, and we are already screwing it up".

"We're not trying Stephen, you are not even willing to try".

"I am! Oh you need more reasons to stop this? Well I have them! Just take a look at who will raise them a..."he suddenly stopped himself, thinking about the effect the information he was about to submit would bring with it.

"A what? Say it!"

"A MURDERER!"

You required a moment to weigh up the words that had bled from Stephen's mouth before being able to say anything.

"What are you talking about?"

He had taken his hands to his face, refusing to see you.

"You wanted to know about the past, right? Well that is just a glimpse, one of their parents is a murderer, and way worse than that".

"Stephen, it must be a misunderstanding".

"Oh it is not! Trust me, everything was made intentionally and with no remorse".

Your eyes were finally reacting to the tough words that implied you were a murderer, you knew it, you had known the whole time there has to be a good reason for the awkward manners of Stephen towards you, from love to hate to love to hate, as if he was always regretting being with you.

"But maybe there was a powerful reason to do so".

"Is there any reason enough to take an innocent life?"

You started to sob because you knew he was right.

"Come on, come here" he wrapped you in his arms. "You see? That is why that child cannot come here, there will be more disadvantages than advantages for all of us".

"But Stephen..." You wailed against his chest, and you could feel Stephen was silently crying too.

"I would not ever suggest this if there wasn't a good reason, I could never dare shatter your heart like this if it was not needed. That is why I took two whole weeks with no sleep to think about this, it is not a simple matter. Shh, don't answer me now, just promise me you are going to think about it, I'm sorry for causing you this pain, you don't deserve it". You nodded and as many other nights for the same reason, you felt asleep because you eyes could not handle more, besides you also needed to sleep on the suggestion of the man.

The next day you were trying to avoid him, everything looked so distant you had thought all of it had been just a nightmare. But once he had the chance to talk, he reminded you of that terrible conversation, things were not as easy as you thought. Wasn't that 'I love you' the worst thing you had ever heard?

"I don't want to force you to make a decision like this, but the longer you take, the harder it will be".

"I'm not doing this, Stephen". You assured, you had certainly been thinking hard about it and it was your choice, not his.

"But, I already explained you..." he was not angry, he was uneasy, restless.

"If we do this, we would not be doing any improvement, Stephen. This is my chance to start over. You made your point, but there is not enough reason to take this life because I've made my choice, it is my body, my child is wished and loved if not for you, for me, and I'm sure that if you loved them as much as I do, you would find a way out because I've seen you can do things I can't. If you can't, then you will have to kill our child along with me, because I don't think I'm strong enough to survive that grief, and actually I don't have the willingness to do it, this baby is the only reason I have to stay alive, perhaps you should see it like that too".

"Don't say nonsense" The man groaned, his wrinkles standing out on his pale face . "Why can't you see this is not a good idea? I just want the best for you and the child!"

"Stephen, I'm sorry for being so weak, but I cannot do it, and if you try to do it without letting me know, against my will because after all you're probably right, just kill me too, please, because I cannot take this any longer".

You didn't wait for an answer because you knew Stephen had run out of arguments, he had already given you all of them, and probably he was planning his next move. But so were you, because now that you had decided to fight, you headed to Stephen's office and then right to the forbidden path you had got to know over the last weeks, you snuck in as all the nights in that summer through the garden gate, it felt as if you were sealing your fate with such action.

You watched as the last chunk of paper became ash and dissolved into what you had described as black ink, which only made it darker, opposite to what you had learnt from your last expeditions. You aimed to return home, but some growing whispers coming from everywhere around you, were telling you to stay there, you could tell it was Stephen's voice at first, yet at the same time there were voices of many people suffering, probably all of those who had died because of you, they were inviting you to stay in their world with them.

"Your child is damned" The nagging voices kept repeating, they were screaming at you. "Your child is damned because you are damned too".

You were hypnotised by their murmurs, their hands clasped your body: your arms, your feet, your shoulders, your face and forced you to lie on the mud, slowly burying you on it, your will was long gone, you were not thinking anymore, you were mesmerised by their pleads, you could no longer breath, you felt as if you were in the bottom of the sea, looking up at the sky, without getting to see it a last time, because you had decided to close your eyes, what was left out there anyway? Probably if you came back you would end up all alone, probably Stephen would run away in the best of the scenarios, but in the most likely, your child would never see the light, and that would kill you anyway.

You had already stopped thinking, you were sleeping or something that looked like it when you were dragged through the mud against the wishes of those who wanted to retain you, the black and purple cloak that had became one of your closest friends over the last weeks had ventured itself into the lands or rather, waters of the lost souls and rescued you from their grasp, you were unconscious, lying on the ground, on the cold black sand of the icy black sea, with the half moon half sun that stood out on the murk, you were only able to see that strange phenomenon in that spot in the background providing enough oneiric vibes to make you feel inside an artwork, it was as if time had stopped in dawn letting the sun and the moon live their love story. The piece of cloth was not being successful in its attempt to wake you up through first aids, trying to get the water out of your lungs, and it even tried slapping your face with no results.

"Go away, I don't want to see you here, I'll lock you up again if you don't leave me alone!" Stephen yelled at the cloak, he was still upset due to his wife's decisions, but it was not time to give up, the cloak wrapped around him and his neck, chocking him, forcing him to go beyond the border of the garden, dragging him down the stairs, making him find you lying on the sand, he hurried and kneeled by your side.

"Oh! What are you doing? Wake up!" He attempted as the levitation cloak had done before with the same results, his courage breaking, and his vulnerability finally showing after so long, he was desperate while he placed his head to your chest, trying to perceive your heartbeat. "Do not forsake me! Please".

He held you in his arms and took you home, after many attempts, he found out, he could not do more, and once again, he was about to lose the love of his life, although unlike before, this time he had been the one to cause his misfortune. He would spend the whole day by your side, waiting for a sign, because as long as you kept breathing there was hope. He would look after you, read to you, and to your baby who, to his surprise, seemed to be alive too, and growing. He wished you woke up and then explain everything that had happened in the past, and to tell you that if you were willing to try, so would he, even if deep down he knew it was too late for him and too much of a risk.

It was late in the evening because the sun was barely lightning the clouds in the horizon and gave them pink and orange colours, the summer breeze entered through the window and petrichor leaked through your lungs.

"Stephen?" You slowly opened your eyes, you had been dreaming about he talking to you. You were tired although you didn't know why. Stephen was not at sight, you were all alone in the darkness of your bedroom, or that was what you thought at first because just some seconds after, you heard the sound of something fluttering and then the door violently closing.

"Oh thank you! I thought you would never wake up". Stephen hurried and sat by your side, you could read disbelief in his face, incredulity. The cloak stood behind Strange.

"What are you talking about?" You whispered, you didn't have any strength.

"It's been two weeks since I found you down there!"

You gasped in surprise.

"My-" you instinctively remember all of it, and took your hand to your belly, you looked at Stephen in suspicion. "Don't you dare-"

"I didn't do anything, and the baby is fine, for now at least".

"What do you mean?"

"You are not precisely fine, why did you trespass the garden gate?" He caressed your cheek gently, he was glad to talk to you again.

"It was worthy, that is all that matters". You coughed, indeed you felt terrible.

"What have you done?!" All of a sudden Stephen realised what you meant, what you had been doing during the times when you were gone, he exclaimed then, regretfully. "You were bleeding and I was the last one to know. You're getting yourself killed! Just look at you, oh it is me to blame, I am so sorry for being like this, I am so sorry you are here locked up with me, you don't deserve it".

"As I said, it was worthy, and I'd do it ever again because now you're free and that damn book is gone".

He laughed, but was sadness what was in his look, sour.

"Oh honey, the book doesn't matter at all, because the knowledge is here" and he pointed at his head with a finger. "I've been corrupted, and there is no way to fix that".

"But you told me..."

"Using the dark hold exacts a high toll, dear and I almost lost you to it, that could have got you killed and I'm so sorry for being so selfish, would you ever forgive me?"

"I have nothing to forgive, Stephen, but I would like to know what is happening here, because I am so confused".

Once you had got energy enough by ingesting some food and water he explained how he had acquired immense knowledge from the book you had just destroyed (among others), had killed a whole universe in order to bring his old lover back, how he had ended up alone, how all of a sudden a witch had appeared to team up with him and the two of them had kidnapped and he had done nothing to stop her from murdering a young girl in order to obtain her powers hence they could travel to other universes and they could get their dream lives, how something somehow had just gone wrong and they had ended up in the mistaken universes and he had not been able to find Christine.

"What do you mean you didn't find Christine?"

"I didn't find her, because she was not meant to be mine, never, I was so obsessed, it was sick. I didn't find her, but I found you in the middle of the chaos. You were mourning your Stephen, the one you were married to, because of all the wrong choices he had made, he had found death and had left you all alone, that is everything I know, as I said things got out of hand and all of a sudden I noticed I had brought you with me by accident. At first, I attempted to bring you back, but I noticed Scarlett Witch had had her way and she had betrayed me, so I just had the chance to travel to a single specific universe, which was not yours, so I made you this one, an illusion, because even though you can see a whole landscape through the windows, out there, there is nothing but a sea of despair, my despair. I did not even know your name and you had forgotten everything too, so I decided to call you Christine because at the time I was not able to think of anything else".

"So you kept me here".

"I tried so hard, but eventually I started to fall for you, no matter how hard I tried not to, because I wanted to bring you home, keeping you here would not do any good since you were destined to live an isolated life by my side, by the side of a murderer who doesn't deserve you. You slowly started to get used, to love me. I told you I was your husband because it was partially true and because that way, you would trust me, you would feel safe".

"You fooled me at first, but at the same time I always felt your hatred towards me".

"I didn't hate you, I was depressed and hopeless, I did not know what to do. I was having feelings towards you that at first I wanted to deny, but I fell so hard there was a point I could not hide it anymore, those sunny days in the garden by your side were the brightest I had had after everything that had happened and I almost forgot who I was".

"And then Stephen?"

"Then I found out you were pregnant, something had told me since the first day you were, I could see that gleam in your eyes, I could perceive you had changed. I didn't consider that possibility because I thought I was damned and therefore I was incapable of creating life, I thought it was a gift that would be denied to a broken man like me. When I realised you were indeed expecting our child I forced myself to stop daydreaming about what we had. I did not know what to think, feel or say, so I left as the monster I am, I left you all alone when you were for sure feeling terrible because of what pregnancy encompasses and because the only person you knew and loved had left you, but I needed to think, my mind was killing me, and all of the voices of the damned whispered into my ears that I had to get you killed. I slept fifteen days in the parking lot of the supermarket, because I didn't have another place to go. At first I thought I was betraying Christine, to whom I had devoted my days, she was the reason I had done all of this, then I realised it was not actually that thought the one that made me feel so lost, it was not that I did not want that baby either, I love you and the thought of holding a little being product of that love warmed and still brings that warmth to my heart, but look at me! I'm a monster, how could I bring up a child? I'd make a terrible father, I would be a curse for them, for you, it was not fair! You two don't deserve this. And in addition, all of the other reasons I had talked you about, this seclusion is no life for anyone. The limitations of the world I created for us require big amounts of magic, magic I can provide but that as I said before exacts a big toll, corruption. I should have talked to you from the beginning but I could not, I have made so many mistakes... forgive me even if I don't deserve you, I never wanted this to happen". He sobbed while took his hands to cover his face, it was indeed a difficult situation and you did not know what to think about it, maybe he was right and living would be hard for all of you.

"I was so scared too. When I found out I was pregnant, I was afraid of what you might do, deep down something told me you would react as you did, and when you left, I thought you were going to abandon us forever, until we starved to death in solitude and I wanted to die, but at the same time I wanted to live and let you see, I could survive without and despite you. When you came back and said you wanted to fix things I had hope, and then you told me you wanted to take my baby away, the only reason I had to stay alive and I..."

"I'm so sorry, I cannot explain with words the regret and shame I feel about everything I did, about the way I hurt you, I just thought it was the best for all of us, I know I'm a monster, I don't deserve to be alive, I deserve isolation, I deserve to go through everything you and everyone I have damaged went through".

Stephen could not stop crying, and you joined your own weep to his, there were no many options.

"You are not a monster, Stephen".

"I don't deserve anyone's compassion or sympathy, especially yours, who I've caused such a big ordeal even if you are the woman I love, just because of my cowardice. I'm not the victim here! I am just... afraid. I know there is a price I must pay for everything I have done, and I'm willing to accept it, to accept anything but I don't want to pay through you two. Maybe I don't deserve a second chance but if I could have it, I would never waste it".

He kept sobbing, so did you.

"So what are we going to do?" You finally broke the silence you two had been stuck in for hours.

"I don't know, nothing makes sense anymore, we'll do as you command because I finally realised, there is no way things can go worse, so whatever you decide, I'll stand for it, and do as much as I can in order to make you happy, even if that means staying far away from you against my desires".

"I want to keep my baby, Stephen".

"If I'm honest, I want to keep that baby too". He smiled, his eyes were red and swollen due to the time he had spent crying. "I want to keep both of you, you were right and you're the only reason I have to stay alive, I just hope it is not too late".

"We'll find a way, I'm sure, there is always a way, I mean, to solve all of what you have explained about living here in isolation, just the three of us".

"So you don't hate me?"

"I can read regret in your face, and it is too late for me to leave. I will forgive you, I just need time, and if you promise me a couple of things".

"Anything".

"First that you're not committing any crime like those again".

"I do promise you".

" Second, that you will not keep anything from me again".

"You have my word".

"Third, you won't make me suffer like you did".

"I am so sorry about it, I didn't mean it, it won't happen again".

"And fourth, that you will do anything in your hands to make our child happy".

"Of course!" You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him softly because you could tell he needed comfort.

"I love you Stephen Strange, that is my mistake".

"I love you too".

"Actually I have a fifth request".

"Go on".

"Let's change my name, no Christines from now on".

"I could not agree more".

"I still have a question, though"

"Go ahead, ask whatever you want, I said no more secrets from now on".

"Who was the Stephen I saw out there?"

"It was me, the part of myself I was trying to get killed because it had always been too weak, too sentimental, the part of me that would have never dared to do what I did, the part I offered as the price to pay in order to get to use the dark hold, the almost dead part that was desperate for help and saved you in the end."

He reached for your hand and held it.

"I'm sorry".

-

The sun shone up in the blue sky, the flowers were radiant and the grass could not be greener. You had suffered in the past but no suffering could be bigger than the happiness that now flowed in you. There was a time when you could only see gray and now all colours invaded your world.

You were sitting among the daisies, the garden was brimming with them, and with all kinds of flowers, your back was against the elm whose leaves had greened too and danced to the early summer breath, and you enjoyed the shade it provided you, you had a book by your side because although you really wanted to finish that one, you could not find the time, the picture in front of you was preventing you from finishing it. So you instead took what was left of your little picnic dessert (a tart with berries and orange juice) to enjoy the show.

"Alright, it's my turn" Stephen claimed, he had been sitting in front of you on your red and white square tablecloth over the soil, and he all of a sudden had stood, he was getting angry and you could not help but laugh at the scene before you, where your friend was rejecting Stephen's request for the fifth time in just a couple of minutes, it was failing at playing oblivious.

"I'm the father!" Stephen raised his hands in the air, complaining.

"Come on, Cloakie, let Stephen hold the baby or he'll be the one crying next time". You finally interfered, amused.

The cloak resigned, did as you had asked, for it had been rocking your baby for some minutes now, since she had woken up in the picnic basket you had put her up while she was sleeping, and started crying. The cloak had attempted to make her stop squalling because all it ever wanted was to make her smile. But in the end, it carefully handed the baby to Stephen who finally held her in his arms, changing completely his expression from rage to tenderness and love. "Hello, my little princess". He softly whispered.

Six months had happened quickly once you two had reached an agreement, you had seen you stomach grow bigger, feel the first moves of your baby all while Stephen tried harder and harder to become the kind of man, husband and father you two deserved. It had not been easy. You could tell his mind was killing him, there were times when he thought he was all alone and you could not hear him, when you noticed he was weeping in isolation, how his hands trembled and how the pain in his stomach and lower back made him writhe, he was also desperate because he didn't know what to do, how to stop being that tainted kind of man, to stop blaming himself for what he had done in the past, however you had always assured him you would always be there for him and those episodes were now less and less often, you could tell he was starting to forgive himself, there was still too much to be done, to heal, but you were sure you two were trying your best.

His new routine was also helping. He would read to the both of you every night, and had composed a lullaby to your baby, when she was still inside you, growing, he would play it on the piano, and you would fall asleep to it, no more dreadful memories and dry tears from now on. He would also talk to the baby all the time. It was all a dream. Light had defeated darkness, you could tell when he held your baby for the first time, he had been the one to receive her after all.

You had noticed his fingers became less black every time he held your little baby in his arms, and his cheekbones as well as his lips had also reddened, he looked more like a man and less like a beast taken from an oneiric tale.

"She is as beautiful as you are" he took a seat by your side this time, the baby girl in his arms opened his eyes and observed around, perhaps she took after you but still, among other features, she had got her dad's eyes. She was only a few weeks old and she had already captivated all of you and stole all of your time and affection, she wrapped her fingers around her dad's and slightly smiled at you, gesture you mimicked. Stephen kissed your child's forehead and next your lips. "I love you, thank you for all of this, thank you for a second chance, for saving me from the darkness, for bringing me back to life".

You kissed his cheek as only answer, leaned against his shoulder so you could behold your beloved ones, since Cloakie had also landed near the both of you.

There were ways to get you all out of the isolation out of your rotten universe, Stephen had thought of them a month ago, his new life and his new reasons to live had allowed him to start over, to relax and thus, to think, but there was no rush, for now while the wind softly blew the flowers, the sun shone, the clouds were slowly becoming pink, and the moon waited in plain sight to its moment to shine, the four of you were more than delighted and didn't need anything else.

Read my other works regarding Doctor Strange Supreme (Sinister) x reader here:

Cold Coffee.

Los amantes del círculo polar.

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