#loerchik

[ofrevas-a]

the idea that twli.ght survived the Collapse haunts me

[herisms]

(pretend this is also from morrigan) love

letter prompts | @loerchik / @oldmagics

an envelope placed conspicuously with her makeup, seemingly left in the night to be discovered during her morning routine. on one side facing up is her name, penned in a subdued and legible cursive script in ebony ink. azure wax seals the other side shut, stamped into it the image of two sprigs of laurel, the cousland family crest, perfectly matching the size of domnall's signet ring. inside is two filled pages of parchment, single-sided, folded neatly with obvious care.

My love,

You and I will always jump on the opportunity to tease and belittle the other for showing affection, a back-and-forth that I never see myself tiring of. I have, however, come to a conclusion in my sleepless thinking, which is that we do so because the expression of our feelings will always feel foreign and undeserved by our very natures, no matter how much it surrounds us both. It makes sense that we mock that which we know is true but don't wholly understand - we fell in love in a tumultuous and uncertain time, young and blind to the consequences and meaning of our connection. We have, both of us, acted distant and even cruelly to one another in our confusion, the newness of caring for something beyond ourselves. I'm thankful for our growth this past decade, where we no longer want to deny our affection, but will happily continue to jeer as if we are still too young and prideful to acknowledge the promises we've already made to one another.

Given my habit of speaking too much, it may shock you to know that I withhold my thoughts often, and watching you sleep has made me a touch sentimental. Therefore, I have decided to put my feelings to paper for you, so that they never need be spoken aloud and ridiculed, but you may know the extent of them. You are, as always, free to take the piss out of me for daring to writing you a love letter, but you won't be able to deny its contents.

For so long I recoiled from the idea of ever being shouldered with the responsibility of fatherhood, for fear of plaguing something precious with my habit of mistakes. That said, meeting Kieran is the single greatest joy I've felt since as long as I can remember. It's a credit to your strengths as a mother that he is as intelligent, well-adjusted and good-mannered as he turned out to be. You needn't doubt your parental capabilities, because he is the undeniable proof of it. Getting to know him, growing close with him, has come so easily that I'd believe I've known him for years. He is my son, and I can only see myself loving and protecting him with my life from here on out.

I know that you still hold guilt for keeping me and him separate. My only wish is that you wouldn't place the blame solely on yourself any longer, especially when my own complacency caused me to feel similarly all these years. We both carry many regrets with us; it comes with the lives we've led up until this point. It was a time when we each had our paths chosen for us - for me it was the Wardens, and you for it was Flemeth. Now, our only path is one we've forged together, to free ourselves of both. I cannot bring myself to care about past mistakes when our future only holds promise of our new lives together, untethered to anything but our own whims and our devotion to this family we've made together.

As for us, you and I may not be married in the Maker's eyes or even by law, but we never cared for the opinion of either; what we know to be real is all that ever mattered between us, and this makes our love feel all the more unique. In my eyes, and perhaps because of my upbringing, I consider you my wife; not because I believe you to be my possession in the traditional sense, or existing for my own personal fulfillment, but because you are my life partner, the woman I care about without equal. My "vow" to you, so to speak, is that I will love you until my dying breath, whether that be tomorrow or when we are old and grey. I vow to remain by your side through all change the world undergoes and all catastrophe that may arise, always prepared to defend all that we hold dear.

Now you've read this letter and know my heart fully, more than anyone ever has. There was a time where that would have frightened me to no end, but if my years alone have taught me anything, it's that the only fate worse than your scorn is your absence. 

I love you. Thank you for re-entering my life. Thank you for being an incredible mother to our son. And thank you for loving me, as flawed a man as I know myself to be. You have all my trust, all my devotion, all of me.

Yours always,

D.

[herisms]

♢ yea talk about oren

ask about my muse​ about their family

       " oren was a good lad; curious, excitable, wanted to be a soldier just like fergus. his mother didn’t let me near him alone much, not that i blame her. i’d only give him whatever he wanted, just to see him happy. i never thought i cared about children much until he came along. “

      “ it’s funny. when my brother and i were young, we swore we never wanted to marry or have kids. it was foolish of course, he was the heir and all. so, of course he found love, had a boy like he was supposed to. i pretended i was angry with him for about a minute, but i suppose i envied his happiness, the normalcy i didn’t think i could have. it was nice, getting a little nephew to spoil occasionally without worrying about being depended upon like a father would. "

      “ ...fergus says i shouldn’t blame myself for what happened to oren and oriana. we haven’t spoken about them in years, and i doubt he wants to. he’s remarried now, so it’s safe to say he’s moved on - for me, i feel like i’m still stuck in the castle sometimes, staring at the little body lying at my feet. it’s as if i never got out. “

@loerchik

[fatened]

❝     hey,   yuri  -  bird.     ❞     arms   stretch   above   her   head   as   she   wills   a   yawn   down.   swallows   the   sigh   that   threatens   to   follow.   gaze   turns   to   @loerchik​.     ❝     did   you   mean   what   you   said,   about   comin’   home   with   me?   showin’   me   that   fishing   rod   constellation?   ‘cause   i’ve   been   thinking,   and...   i   wanna   go   home.   with   you.     ❞

[decaysate]

from shadows──    of the shadows──    the campfire crackles a familiar tune,    one that midna has grown uncomfortably fond of.    (    when this is all over,    what will she──    ?    )    it’s easier,    much easier,    to smooth her hands over the fabric of link’s stupid hat as a giant hand fiddles with faint magic.    “    you should rest up,    pup,    ”    she says,    just as mocking as he should expect.    “    i can’t carry you across hyrule forever,    so you have to put in some legwork yourself!    ”    ♡  *    @loerchik​​​,    for link.

[fatened]

starter  for:  @loerchik  ​     (  river  ).

❝  do  you  have  a  moment?  ❞     there  was  a  time  when  talking  to  river  was  as  easy  as  breathing,  when  you  could  go  to  them  with  any  problem  in  the  world  without  worry  of  rejection.  but,  like  everything  else,  that’s  changed  (  you’ve  never  been  graceful  when  it  comes  to  change,  have  you?  ).  where  once  you  would  sit  beside  them  without  second  thought,  you  remain  rooted  to  where  you  stand,  arms  crossed  over  your  chest;  where  once  you  would  have  continued  without  waiting  for  an  answer,  you  hold  your  tongue.  it  isn’t  as  if  you  truly  worry  about  them  sending  you  away,  but  there  is  a  rift  now  that  you’re  afraid  to  cross  /  there  is  something  broken  that  you  can’t  repair,  because  you’re  uncertain  where  the  crack  is.  you  suppose  that  you  could  blame  it  on  this  strange  world,  a  lifetime  away  from  where  you  should  be,  but...  the  blame  lies  in  you,  doesn’t  it?  in  the  things  you  can’t  understand  despite  knowing  river  as  well  as  you  know  yourself.  no.  of  course  not.  

you’ve  always  thought  too  loud.  you’ve  always  thought  too  much.  now,  you  do  your  best  to  keep  your  thoughts  to  yourself.  there  is  no  hiding  your  unease  when  you  first  take  a  step  closer,  though.  the  discomfort  that  comes  as  the  physical  distance  between  you  is  crossed  (  the  metaphorical  can  be  crossed  later,  you  figure  ).  you  take  a  seat,  and  look  to  them.  there  is  an  exhaustion  in  their  eyes  you  feel  in  your  soul  and  you  want  nothing  more  than  to  shoulder  it  for  the  both  of  you.  but  river’s  back  has  always  carried  the  most,  and  no  amount  of  your  own  stubbornness  can  compare  to  it.

anything  you  want  to  say  now  feels  unimportant.  to  sit  in  silence  with  your  brother  is  a  luxury  these  days,  but  there  is  a  nagging  in  the  back  of  your  mind  that  can’t  be  ignored.  you  clasp  your  hands  in  your  lap,  inhale.  breathe  out  slow.  you  are  side  by  side,  and  yet  the  distance  between  you  has  never  been  greater  (  it  started  what  feels  like  a  lifetime  ago  now,  when  you’d  left  for  ul’dah  and  came  running  back  when  the  wavering  connection  between  their  heart  and  yours  had  snapped  ).  it’s  later,  you  think,  as  you  step  foot  on  that  metaphorical  bridge.     

❝  i  feel  like  i’m  losing  you.  ❞     this  is  not  what  you  meant  to  say,  yet  it  comes  out  in  a  rush.  you  continue  anyway,     ❝  i  can  clearly  see  you  beside  me,  but  i  have  never  felt  more  distant  from  you.  what  is  going  on  in  that  mind  of  yours  that  you  feel  you  can’t  share  with  me?  ❞

[fatened]

@loerchik​​​ sent  from  thancred,  for  winter:

you could have died.

❝  yes,  but —  ❞     but  i  didn’t.  it’s  never  me  that  dies.  these  words  ache  to  be  voiced,  but  you  swallow  them  down.  i’m  always  the  one  that  comes  back  in  one  piece.  this,  though,  is  less  of  a  truth  now  —  your  body  feels  worn,  and  there’s  a  certain  ache  in  your  knee  that  you  don’t  recall  being  there  before  your  foolish  crusade  to  save  the  ones  who  matter  the  most  (  to  save  him,  the  damned  fool  ).  your  gaze  is  pointedly  turned  away  from  thancred,  arms  crossed  over  your  chest  as  you  muster  what’s  left  of  the  stubbornness  in  your  aching  body.  ❝  — but  i  made  it  back,  didn’t  i?  i’m  here,  and  i’m  alive,  and  for  once,  so  is  everyone  else.  ❞

there  are  things  you  won’t  think  of,  things  that  you  can’t  think  of:  a  tearful  promise  to  be  okay,  the  fading  light  that  has  always  meant  river  leaving,  no  matter  how  temporary,  the  way  you  would  have  accepted  death’s  embrace  if  it  meant  for  once  you  could  rest.  just  under  your  skin,  there  is  the  tell - tale  thrum  that  comes  when  you’ve  overexerted  yourself,  and  it’s  this  that  makes  everything  hard  to  ignore.  it’s  undeniable  proof  that  everything  is  real,  and  perhaps  despite  everything,  you  should  have  died.  

but  then,  you  wouldn’t  be  here  now.  you  wouldn’t  feel  the  warmth  that  comes  with  the  knowledge  that  this  time,  everyone  can  come  home.  this,  you  think,  is  worth  everything.

with  a  heavy  sigh,  attention  turns  to  thancred.  the  smile  you  offer  still  doesn’t  reach  your  eyes,  but  this  time  it  comes  close.     ❝  who  are  you  to  preach  about  that,  anyway?  you  silly  man.  you’ve  worried  me  sick  more  times  than  i  can  count,  especially  with  that  stunt  you  pulled  before  our  arrival.  ❞     the  thought  of  losing  him  sends  your  heart  down  into  your  stomach.  it  takes  a long  moment  to  recover  it,  to  remind  yourself  that  everyone  is  safe. he’s  safe.

❝  it...  i  suppose  i  was  a  bit  more  reckless  than  usual,  but  really,  you  can  blame  river.  they’ve  always  been  a  terrible  influence  on  me,  and...  well...  ❞     a  sigh.  you  reach  out,  rest  a  hand  on  his.  your  skin  thrums  for  a  different  reason  now,  and  for  once,  you  don’t  try  to  ignore  it.     ❝  apologies  for  worrying  you.  but  i’d  do  it  all  over  again,  if  given  the  chance.  ❞

[iliumsong]

❛ and what about the others? that would do everything for you? ❜ estimeric :)

THE SEVEN STAGES OF GRIEF.

it is a long way down. when aymeric looks behind him and sees how far he's come. further still how much he has yet to travel. it's not a journey made alone, for everyone who steps beside and behind him. for all the terror he believes that, in halone's eyes, he has been blessed. it's a funny way of thinking about how choices are worn as a mantle about his shoulders. with each one he feels spine ache. want to curve. ❝ i could not be where i am today without them, this is true. ❞ blue eyes cast down to his own hands. across to estinien's. ❝ few have been here long as you, though. ❞ for years now an ache has been rooted in aymeric's chest with a name he refuses to speak out loud. it blooms / tangles / grows in the fleeting presence of his friend and withers when he leaves. there is something to be said about the seasons in their companionship. for many, estinien is cold winter. sunlight so distant that the earth forgets all warmth. bends to the breath of snow over coerthas. for estinien, as well, aymeric fears this is the case. when he looks up again, there is ivy in his throat where words try to push through. ❝ i do not want others to do everything for me. i'm more than capable of handling drawbacks which come my way. ❞ there's a space on his stomach which burns in memory. ❝ that isn't to say i'm ungrateful for their aid when it's theirs to spare, however. ❞ ❝ i much prefer-- ❞ you ❝ friendship. as you and i have had. ❞ smile twists at the corners of his mouth. ❝ albeit i realize that it wasn't necessarily something you wanted for a time. or still want, as far as i know. ❞ aymeric inhales. laces his fingers together to keep from reaching out when he knows the touch may not be appreciated. ❝ but i do -- value your companionship. when you have the time to spare it. ❞ it feels like he's looking over the edge of a cliff for how his stomach feels close to plummeting. laughter falls instead. shy, half full of loathing. ❝ i apologize. i doubt you asked to hear me ramble. ❞