#logenlurman

[mulinngar]

Tumblr or Food? :)

can u not pls

10/10

make me choose between two things for a blog rate~

[mulinngar]

Treasure - Bruno Mars :)

thank u bby

10/10

no more thank u guys

[cariadhearts]

I got tagged by coltonpayns,woo!

Rule 1: Always post the rules Rule 2: Answer the questions the person who tagged you has written and write 11 new ones Rule 3: Tag 11 people and link them to your post Rule 4: Let them know you’ve tagged them

My Questions:

What is your OTP or Bromance? pudd or stonefield :D

If you had one wish, what would it be and why? i dont really know tbh

Would you rather have money or fame? money :')

Favourite food? stir fry or nandos :))

What is your favourite childhood memory? uhmmm, when i was like 8 and my mother and my two cousins went to Disneyland Paris, aw it was great :))

Do you have any pets? If so what are they, if not would you like any? I have a cat called MItzi :)

What is your favourite television series or programme? i like Supernatural,Modern Family,The Big Bang Theory and Friends

Do you like your country? sometimes

What is your favourite song? Youth by Daughter

What are your phobias/fears? clowns,rollercoasters,heights,horses and spiders ^_^

My Questions:

What was the last movie you watched?

What's your favourite colour?

Where would you like to go in the world?

Favourite cartoon character?

Do you have any brothers/sisters?

Where are you from?

Any hobbies?

What tv show(s) do you watch?

Favourite singer/band?

Any pets?

[ofamistletoe]

Omg me, I don't like Selena omfg

omg bless you ily

[lovesfalls]

please message me i need help

[lovesfalls]

omg ok so i went to the mall yesterday

akjsakjska so i got there right and i saw the guy who harassed me on fb (refer to here) and i hid in the movies like in line until my guy friend got there so he got there in like a min and i walked over to him and i was freaked out and paranoid bc we were hanging out with grade 11 and 12ers and i was scared they wouldnt like me and hes like "emma calm down its ok" so we meet up with 2 of them until the rest get there and hahah we went to aerie jesus christ i think i laughed so hard bc the girls were looking and bras and shit right and there were only 2 guys omfg but after that we just walked around and went to the food court and ate and stuff and they were all so nice omfg and then we went to the apple store and took like 8 pics of us hahahaha it was so fun and we were photobombing ppls selfies it was hilarious anyways we just talked and shit and it was the funniest time ever and he was teasing me and stuff and telling me to calm down every 5 seconds even though i was just to piss me off and hehe it was soooo fun im still like aksjajskajkn bc awesome anyways after my mom drove him home holy fuck he was in my car eating pizza and i could tell my mom was pissed bc no one eats in our car hahshajhajshj and he was and it was really funny jesus omg and he was sitting like 2 inches away from me at the mall on this seat thingy and holy fuck it was so fun i can't explain it was just amazing and we talked and i mostly walked with him bc i only knew like 2 of the people there but it was still so fun and akjsakjsjka

[lovesfalls]

THE GUY WHO HARRASSED ME ON FB IS GOING TO THE MALL AT THE SAME TIME AS ME AND THE GUY I LIKE FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKQ

[lovesfalls]

rant again oops

so this is for anyone who keeps track of all my stupid boy bullshit i'm just going to explain what's been going on in the past few months

and even if we're not friends and ur curious then read on i guess idc

so basically at the end of october ish i realized i had a crush on one of my guy friends. so the back story kind of goes like this; we were best friends last year and super close nd shit and we were always together and we were like brother and sister basically but then later on in the year we fell out i guess and over the summer we didn't talk like at all and idek what happened it was just kinda gradual idk. and then he dropped all of his friends and got popular and started hanging out with older kids and he completely changed in looks and personality he used to be so sweet and funny and nice to everyone basically and now he's such a dick sometimes to some people and he's sarcastic but still funny, he's not rude to me but he is to other people, it really depends who he's with. and i gotta admit he's cuter now i guess but he always has been but i never really noticed since we were so close and idk he had tons of girlfriends last year too but ya anyways. when we came back to school in september i saw him and i was like 'whoa is that really him' but it was and wow he just changed so much and i barely recognized him tbh it was so weird omfg. so we didn't really talk much so i was just kinda like 'o are we not friends anymore' and i really missed being close with him like we used to be and i kinda looked out for him in the hallway and wondered if he wanted to talk to me or anything since we aren't in the same class (ya im in grade 8 bitches we only have one class lolz) anyWAYS one day when we were leaving gym his class came to gym and he walked by with his friends and he was like 'emma' and then i turned around and it didn't sound like him at all and i was like 'what' and then 'oh wait hi' and that was kinda the first time i talked to him in like 3 months which is super awkward and shit i know ok. so after that i tried to talk to him as much as i could like i texted him everyday even though i felt annoying i knew it would pay off bc at first he was kinda distant idk but then after a few weeks he started to warm up to me again but we never really acknowledged each other at school and idk i was hurt obviously since i missed him so much after he left and he was treating me like shit at school and just kinda ignoring me. but then by the beginning of october we were kind of friends idk if we saw each other in the hallway we'd say hi and stuff you know not a big deal and we'd text all the time but not really hang out at school. but by the end of october we were hanging out a bit at school and talking everyday either text or fb. so we were friends by october but not really close we were just casual friends you know? and ever since he changed it's really hard to be his friend, he even admitted it to me that it's hard for him to like someone, let alone be their friend. and at the end of october i started having anxiety all the time because of him because sometimes he'd be a downright asshole and then at others he'd be so sweet and nice and ugh. so i kinda ignored it for a while but by november i came to terms with it and realized my weird feelings had a name; social anxiety. and then by november we were hanging out at school and talking all the time and that's when i realized i really really liked him wow. and i opened up to him about my anxiety as well as my other best friends (i didn't tell him he was the reason behind it and he still doesn't know) i think november was the roughest month of 2012 for me tbh because it was when my anxiety was the worst because november was the month that i liked him the most and that i legit thought i had a chance of him liking me back. and i consider(ed) him one of my best friends and even though the feeling's not mutual idc really i'm just grateful to be his friend. so anyways in november we had a family fun night thing and by this time i considered us close idk we teased each other 24/7 so yeah i'd say we were pretty close by the middle of november. so we had family fun night and he and his friends were there and this was when i really liked him, keep this in mind ok. so i still remember most details of that night (omg who am i kidding it was like 2 months ago???) but anyways me and my friends were just hanging out all night and we met up with him and his friends a few times and talked nbd it wasn't really a big deal we just kinda talked and teased each other (mostly him teasing me as usual) and at the end of the night i was waiting for my friend to come out of the art room (where he was too) and i was just sitting in the hall and then when i was alone i wasn't easily distracted so i was kinda lost in my own thoughts and the anxiety got really bad and there were people around so i didn't want to freak out but i did and ugh i started crying because i kept thinking shit like "you're not good enough for him, he'll never like you, he doesn't care" and it was making me upset because at the time i thought it was true. so eventually he came out and i was still crying and i think that's the first time he saw me really cry tbh i was embarrassed but part of me wanted to know if he'd even care at all you know? and he saw me crying and all his friends were leaving since it was the end but he stayed and sat down close next to me and it was just kinda silent for a few seconds but it was the thought that counts right and i was like 'wow he actually gives a shit enough to stay with me and not go with his friends' and then he's like "what's wrong" really quietly and i didn't want to tell him it was because of him obviously so im just kinda like "i don't know really" and he's like "are you going to be okay?" and im like "yeah i think so" and he was really cute god damn and i was like freaking out and he like stood up and he said "if you wanna talk about it feel free to text me okay?" and then he like ruffled my hair and left and i was just kinda sitting there in a daze like holy shit????? and then like a week later (still in november omg sorry for my awkward ranting here) we had a school dance o shit that went down well (lol no) everything was fine up until the last half an hour my anxiety got bad again so i ditched my friends and i walked around until i felt better and just sat in the corner and like tried not to cry because i was basically torn apart by someone who made me so happy and so sad at the same time and it really sucks ass. and then he came over to me and sat down and hes like "whats wrong?" and im just sitting there like 'wow you ditched your friends to come see me?' and im like "i don't even know sorry i'm so pathetic" and he's like "you're not, it's okay not to be okay em" and then he was like "you need to find what's making you sad and make it go away and then you'll be happy" and i'm like 'i can't do that because what's making me sad is also making me happy and if i ever lost you i definitely wouldn't be happy' and of course i don't say that but im like "its not that simple" and then we just talked about random shit basically and he was talking about how he volunteered in the summer for little kids in psychology and he was so fucking cute like his eyes lit up and aw it was adorable and he wants to be a psychologist and i think he could do it tbh he gives good advice and he just has this thing about him that calms you down idk and he's so much sweeter and nicer than people give him credit for like he stays up some nights because some of his friends are suicidal right and he tries to get them not to kill themselves he gives them reasons to live and stuff and he tries to help as much as he can (i know this because one of my best friends has been helped by him) and he's just so fucking amazing i can't even explain. so anyways at the dance we were just talking about everything you know and he always knows how to make me feel better but then of course my mom the cockblock showed up at the end and im like "i have to go" and he's like trying to give me a hug when he's sitting down omfg and im like "get up silly" and then he hugged me and i went home and i was like asjjasjakljsklajsiaheiuhjasklsn for the rest of the week basically holy shit. aw memories:') anywAYS so let's go to december now i guess. december wasn't that hard (it still was but not as bad as november) because i was kinda getting over him because i realized he didn't like me back and never would and he also had a thing for this girl so i just gave up. and i realized his friendship means the world to me and i wouldn't want to lose him over something stupid. so ya after that we still hung out a lot and still i told him about lotsS of shit that happened over winter break and stuff and i was getting cyber bullied alot (later in the story ladies and gents) but ummmm december i was kinda giving up on liking him and just trying to be friends but then i found out he's hiding this big ass secret from me and i felt like he didn't trust me and i still feel that way now. and he doesn't open up to me at all like legit and only talks to me about girls (which he considers "super important" ffs) and ugh anyways i just felt really stupid all last month and felt like he really didn't give a shit and he found me too annoying (just like november) and ya the highlights of december o ya the winter formal!! oh that was the shit wow i got dressed up in a cute dress just so i could show him what he was missing out on bc i wanted to be like 'hey u see this??? u can't have this u dick' that was my goal eheh so ya at formal me and my bff got there and we went down to the dancefloor or whatever that shits called idc and we were just walking around and then he called out to us but i didn't hear him so my bff steered me up the stairs and we like ran into him omg. and my bff doesn't support us like at all bc she thinks he's a dick but the story told from her pov was "when we went down the stairs he was with a group of friends but then he saw you and left them and called out for you but you didn't hear and then he was watching you the whole time" and then we talked to him and he walks up to me and he's kinda smiling and kinda not idek how to explain and he's like "i don't know what to say" and at first i didn't know why he said that but then my bff explained me her point of view and i was like asjaksjkasjas he was talking abOUT ME and my plan worked basically~ and at the end i was feeling kinda shitty as per usual and he made some lame ass joke like "emma is it past your bedtime" and i was trying to ignore him and be mad at him but i coULDNT so i just looked away and said really quietly "no" and then he's like "aw it was a funny joke and you didn't even laugh" and he just stares for a minute and then he gets this 'oh shit' look on his face and hes like "wait are you okay" and i just don't answer and look at him and just stay quiet and hes like "do you need a hug" and cmon people how was i supposed to say no to that like seriously ppl and then i nodded and he hugged me and i hung out with him for the rest of the dance since all my friends went home and ya:) and then he said "we should hang out over the break" on like the second last day of school (which never happened btw) and i was like "o ya" and ya we were supposed to but idk. 

OK MOVING ON TO WINTER BREAK AWKJSAKJMK. so one of my 'friends' just started harassing me on fb right and shes like calling me annoying and a bitch and a drama queen and basically picking out all my insecurities and making me feel like shit so idk what else to do but tell him and he's like "i'm going to talk to her" and i'm like "no i don't want her to be mad at you too it's not your fault" and he's like "i don't give a shit" and im like "you don't have to" and he's like "i want to please" and so i let him and then she's like "oh look you already told someone and he's telling me to 'stop sending emma shit'" and i'm like "wow really i didn't think he'd do anything" and ya she was hurting me and i basically told her to fuck off and stop bashing me and then i blocked her on fb and blocked her number... and ya i was talking to him after and he's like "she's such a bitch" and i'm like "yeah i know" and we just kinda talked for a bit and idk. and then after christmas i started talking to this guy on fb 2 years older than me, we weren't even friends or anything we just talked idk. and then one day he told me who he liked and i felt pressured and i know it was probably the stupidest thing ever but i told him who i liked and he kept threatening to say something and i was like "no don't it'll ruin everything" and then he said he wouldn't say anything. and of course things never turn out good for me lol and later i got a message from 'you know who' saying "who the hell is ________" and i was like "o just this guy" and he's like "he just said emma likes you do you like her back" and i was like o shit and then i just said "oh" and he's like "i already knew dude" which i knew already so im like "oh" and he's like "i knew from the first day" which again i knew so i was just kinda like "he misunderstood what i said don't worry about it im over it now" and he's like "are you sure" and im like "yeah im used to it" and he's like "what i'm confused" and then i said "people not liking me back haha it's okay" and he's like "o i never said that but i guess" and i was like "well it's kind of obvious" and he's like "sorry" and im like "it's not your fault don't worry it's over now" and he's like "are you sure:/" (btw im reading over our old convo i don't like memorize this shit) and then i said "i knew you wouldn't like me since day one so we're cool don't worry about it it's not your fault and you mean alot to me i don't want you to freak out and leave" and he's like "i wouldn't leave" and then i said "but i don't know that and i think you're going to leave because i'm me and i'm not good enough and i'm too insecure and i think everyone's going to leave especially you" and he's like "but i'm not gonna leave over nothing" and i'm like "i don't even know i just mess things up a lot" and then he said "you don't do anything to mess up tho" and im like "i don't know i just hate feeling mad and sad at myself and stuff" and hes like "ohhhhh???? what" and then after that i explained a lot about my anxiety and shit but not all of it and after he's like "changes nothing" so yA and then the convo just drifted off to random shit yano and then i messaged that kid who told him and i flipped my shit at him basically and i was like "what the fuck you're such a dick" and we were arguing for a while and then he sent me this "CALM THE HELL DOWN YOU ARE PESSIMIST.. LIKE, BE OPTIMISTIC PLEASE!. YOU'RE ONLY TALKING ABOUT THE BAD STUFF. YOUR LIFE IS NOT RUINED. OH YEAH HE KNOWS YOU LIKE HIM SO HE'S GOING TO STOP BEING YOUR FRIEND AND RUN AWAY... LIKE GROW UP." and he was telling me to calm down and shit and i was like "you don't know anything about me you're the one that has to grow up you asshole" and he's like "calm the fuck down" and i'm like "you're so pathetic" and he's like "why are you talking about yourself? you'll never have any friends" and basically he kept shitting out at me and then he apologized and tried to talk to me and i was like "no fuck you" and ugH/ and there was like a 10 minute gap after i sent my explanation about the anxiety where he didn't answer and i thought he was gonna ignore me and leave so i started freaking out and i basically had a panic attack... and i was home alone and really scared and omg and i told my other guy friend and he's like "block him right now and if he ever tries to talk to you again tell me" so i blocked him and then the guy who he told i liked sent him messages telling him to fuck off or something idk he said "he couldnt remember" what the messages said that he sent him and he wouldn't tell me what they were saying about me uGH but i figured he was only trying to protect me since he might have said bad things.. but he said if he talks to me again "tell him to fuck off because he's a fucking bitch" and ya and TO ADD TO ALL THAT DRAMATIC SHIT my french teacher died from a heart attack over the break and now everyone's depressed and i hate everything

and ya january so far what i've been doing is like not talking to him first and acting like i don't care bc he doesn't care much about me anymore probs and you know what i found out???? if you ignore someone THEY WILL TALK TO YOU FIRST he's talked to me first like 3 times in the past week holy shit and at school today i was outside and he and his group of friends were following me so i talked to them like all lunch hour and he and my other best guy friend were teasing me and pushing me and i was kicking them and we were just talking about random shit like we always do and aw i miss them:/// we had like a 3 way bff ship last year and now im like a third wheel lOLZ but ya i love hanging out with him and we were back to normal i guess nothing's changed really even after the whole "emma-likes-you-do-you-like-her-back" situation and omg today he said (and i quote) 

"emma my new years resolution is to be a douchebag to you" and im like "mission accomplished then" and hes like "there's still like 355 days left idek"

omg i'm just going to say that i think i'm over him legit i mean ya he's really cute and yeah if he gave me the chance i could be great for him and actually appreciate him unlike his ex-psycho bitch girlfriends but we're friends and i really appreciate that and he's such an amazing and genuine and sweet person it's crazy and i love him so much and no one even realizes how great he is a lot of people just assume he's an asshole because of his reputation but they don't get to know the person underneath and he's like the rest of us really, he's got flaws and insecurities but they're what make him one of the best people i've ever met tbh i'm not even kidding he's made an impact on my life and he's really changed my middle school experience and made it better (and worse) and i never want to be without him because he means the whole world to me honestly and he just cares and he's so funny and he has the greatest sense of humor even though he can be a complete dick sometimes, he's not perfect but he's pretty close you know in my opinion and he doesn't even realize how great he is and he has pretty low standards in my opinion but he shouldn't. and he's surprised when i tell him he's amazing but it's true, i mean it with my whole heart like honestly i don't just say things like this to be nice, i rarely even say things like this to my best friends and here i am, writing this huge as text post on how much i love this guy. and yeah, i realize how old i am. i'm almost 14, i'm still in middle school, but really i've learned so much from this guy and no one will ever understand how much he means to me. he deserves the best and i'll always be there for him because he's here for me and he knows more about me than anyone and even though he doesn't open up to me i'll always be there for him no matter what because he's just such a great guy in all. and he's just so great i can't even put to words all the appreciation i have for him for teaching me new things and just being there when the world walked out. he's honestly the best guy i've ever met and i hope he'll realize one day that he's going to make one girl so happy and when he finds the right girl, he'll treat her right and it'll be great for him, he just has to wait for her but i know he'll find someone. and i just love him so much he's one of my best friends and no words can explain how much i care about him and how much gratitude i have for this one guy. it probably sounds stupid but i don't even care, he's so funny and can always make me smile when i'm upset and my anxiety is slowing getting better and better now that i realize that he really does care about me and that he's sticking around because he cares about me, not because he feels bad for me. no one will ever understand our relationship, i don't either but all i know is that i'm so glad to have him in my life and i just really love him a lot