#lolapoetry

[loloperrington]

3 Apr 19

How does a person go from talking to you everyday to

radio silence?

How do I unweave you from my insides?

How do I remove you from my mind

                                                 mouth

                                                 skin

                                                 heart?

How do I remove you from where you don’t want to be?

Where you no longer belong?

You no longer belong to me or in me

So please leave me in peace

Today, I miss you. Maybe unheathily.

[loloperrington]

"We were never each other's to keep; I was only meant to love you for a little while"

Closure.

What a revelation

and relief

of realising this truth.

[loloperrington]

16 April 2019

"Strolling in the park/ watching winter turn to spring"

Sun in my eye

Might of tree

Mighty tree

I walk the streets

and pavements (we frequented

Without you).

I pave them anew

I paint a new memory,

a present tense piece (where you're no longer the sitter)

The normality of coming here

(with you

sharing a laugh

and a cuddle

words

touch

as we)lay on a mass of green

This (is your favourite type of)

weather

I appreciate it

(in a different way)

(I can't tell if it's tears forming or) wind in my eyes

I smile brightly whilst I walk through this park,

recounting many a time spent

(with you)

I listen to love songs

My head bobs along,

I feel free enough for a spring to form in my step

and remember with a true blue and orange joy

Joy of the (former)

Joy of the present

The sun on my face

In my eyes

The wind blowing my

flowing garments (here and there)

I smile - my cheeks ache a bit

I feel beautiful.

I appreciate myself

and

I appreciate walking

in this park

and being by water

(Without you).

Life, like the seasons, is constantly temporary.

And like the rolling hills through

the window on a long train journey

it's goes on

and on

and on

and on

and on

and on

and on

and on

and on

and on

and on

(Without you).

[loloperrington]

9 Dec 2018

I don't want to be grippinggrasping,

tightly holding your hand

with my muscles tense and contracted

suffocating you

'cause that's not love.

See, I've read about it -

It's called 'jealously'

it stems from insecurity

so alien to me

'cause I usually don't feel a thing

when I see an exchange of words

between you and a pretty stranger

However, this exchange

'Tween you and said pretty stranger

made me feel strange

irked the sh-t out of me

To the degree of having to

separate myself from the

conversation you were having

(That I may as well could've just not been apart of)

Trulytrulytruly

I know you're true

But truthfully

thoughts of my disposibility

flooded my senses

I couldn't hide it

washed over my like a wave

I wasn't angry

I was hurt.

I saw your eyes follow her

and I was hurt.

I felt like you were slipping away

I felt like you were loosely holding my hand

"I did feel hurt. And it's minuscule" (I say to my reflection)

Recounting stirs that ache in my chest.

But reigning supreme,

above all this sh-t,

all this noise, all of my fears of

disposibility

Is you

holding my hand tightly

Continually checking up on me

"We're okay, aren't we?"

I believe you when you speak.

I believe that you'd never want to

hurt me.

"Why are you facing away from me?"

"I kept waking up in the middle of the night, worried"

[loloperrington]

In the bath Warm, naked You come in Sit on the toilet seat And read me Keats The memory came to me this morning

[loloperrington]

So I've met

someone. . And I like him . (my feels, the way he feels, the feeling of it) all . Smells like milk . Pyjamas, you know?

[loloperrington]

Beginnings and endings

of everything I ever wrote about you.

I have nothing to prove - I wander/wonder The echo of your hands is a dangerous thing - Over the brim and overflowing It’s not hard to understand that you’ll never be my man - We are memories I didn’t realise the linger of your eyes - I forget Everytime I think of your charm - You walked away and didn’t look back. Here I am thinking about what I’m going to wear - And you’re you You give then you take away - I don’t know what I expect from you I’ve been trying too hard - ‘Cause I don’t know what you’re thinking It’s so dang temporary - Wrong person wrong time I don’t want you like I used to - I’ll forget about you You don’t care, you don’t care about me - No no no

[loloperrington]

I tend not to bathe or soak In the waters of my sadness Relishing the state I prefer to be washed clean and have loneliness disappear down my plughole

Not a companion To embraceandholdclosetome, But a foe To conquer and dismiss when it insists on making it’s presence known on the surface of my shores

You are unwelcome here You are not my friend I have no desire to press repeat On my former aches Picking at my scabs Drilling holes into my own arm

However beautifully tragic you are…

I’m trying to stay afloat here, in this large mass of sea Keep my head above the waters, Stretch my arms out and fly in rough changing winds.

Straight through the storm of everything that tries to dissemble my state of

Unapologetic joy

“There must be peace and understanding” In oneself, and every self on Earth, but understand - you won’t find me setting camp there, calling it home It pours out of me, onto a page, possibly a chord progression, but I don’t drink that poison again.

It’s the bordered stain of dirt on my porcelain tub I don’t wear it like my favourite coat, Sleep next to it, cook it breakfast, I don’t visit it on Sundays. It doesn’t belong to me, its not mine, Like I said and realised with time, It washes down my plughole and is in the sewage, the gutter

And I’m… flying high Higher And all I see is sky and clouds and beauty and horizon “everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes”