#lookingformeaning

[slothsandcacti]

[anunwindingpath]

I am a minority in more ways than one…

When I was growing up, my family always told me that my religion was humanity. They told me that I was no different than a boy and never treated me any different from my brothers and other men in the family. I grew up believing this to be true. And then the actual reality hit me gradually in the face through a series of incidents and people I met in my life. I realized I belonged to a very unique minority sect.I am a woman and I am a Muslim – two states of existence that are belittled, ridiculed, frowned upon and in some cases on their way to being banned in the world.I did not ask to belong to either of these. I was just grouped into these categories by my municipality, my school, my job and by people who came in my life whose sole purpose it seemed was to remind me about where I belonged. As a Muslim, I have had friends of a higher religion refuse to eat a meal at my home because of my religion. My future-in-laws who belong to a so-called higher religion, have cast doubts whether I will infuse the family with ‘jihadist’ thoughts and practices, even though I have never shown any signs of religious affiliations. My future husband is riddled with questions of whether my children will carry my name, because then it will reveal their affiliation to my religion. I have seen people’s smile drop a fraction when they realize I am a Muslim. I have had people question me why I don’t look like a Muslim, if I am one? And the irony is: I have never understood what looking or behaving like a Muslim means! As a woman, I am paid lesser than my male colleagues even though my educational qualifications and experience far outstrips theirs. I am constantly asked why I am not married despite having crossed the age of 30? I am constantly reminded that my time to become a mother is running out. I am told that it is my fault that men stare at me, because I am wearing the wrong clothes. I am expected to accept without question that I have to leave my parents after my wedding because it is a ‘norm’. My parents and my ancestors did it, so I have to do it as well. I am sent back home from a business conference for not having dressed in ‘style’ like a fashionable woman. Because of course how I look matters more than my grey matter. I am told that I am NOT a girl because I swear too much, and that I am too loud and vocal. And the irony is: I have never understood what looking and behaving like a girl means! And the best for the last combines both my so-called shortcomings: I am told to restrain voicing my real opinions in public forums because as a woman I am not allowed to have an opinion that is worth any consideration, and as a Muslim I face the danger of retaliation from other powerful and higher religions.This is the price I, and other human beings like me, pay for belonging to this unique sect of minorities.   But today, under the garb of anonymity that frees me from this typecast, I want to make a statement.Yes, I belong to a minority - but not the one that the world has condemned me to. I belong to the minority of free-spirited individuals who refuse to be bogged down by this onslaught of typecasting. The world may think that they are subduing me by banishing me to this group, but I want the world to know that my spirit is not subdued, nor will it ever be. I will continue to fly higher and ascertain my individuality through any and all means possible and this note is a proof of that.

[drainingfiction-blog-blog]

A New Direction

"And the rain fell on houses, and on the late swaying trees - it fell its fiercest on the skulls of the willingly deceived."

- Laura Marling, "Flicker and Fail"

I want to change the world. Or, perhaps more accurately, I want the world to be changed. Whether or not I'm the one to do it doesn't matter that much to me. But someone has to do it, so I'm going to give it a shot. Up until now, Draining Fiction From My Blood has been a blog about my music, and a little bit about creative writing here and there. From now on, I'm going to include my thoughts on politics and the environment, the two topics I am studying at school. So this blog will be about my relationship with and thoughts concerning music, writing, politics and the environment, and my search for a coherence of these four pillars that hold up a great portion of my life.

I thought about changing the title of the blog to reflect the new direction, but then I thought about it and I think the current title works. I originally chose Draining Fiction From My Blood, a lyric from "We are the Same" by Samantha Crain to reflect the creative process. It meant to me that I was taking out the stories from inside of me and putting them onto the blank white page in front of me, in the form of short stories, novels and songs. But the phrase has meaning for politics and the environment, as well. So much of the world is deluded and misguided on these two issues, willfully or not, that for anything meaningful to be accomplished in either arena we need to drain our blood of the fictions that obscure meaningful progress towards solutions. I don't claim to know fact from fiction in every case, but I do know that too many versions of the truth exist for us to reconcile peacefully. So in this blog, I will try to drain the fictions from my blood as well, maybe, as a few from yours. Maybe then we can come together as one and save the world. I don't think I can do it on my own.

"When the yelling does subside, I'll come running to your side... and we, we are the same."

- Samantha Crain, "We Are the Same"

This change is in part prompted by a class I am currently taking called Campus Ecology. The course is making me think a lot about what I believe about life, the world, and my place in it. I'll periodically post things that interest me in the class and journals I am writing for it.

We are reading an excellent book for class called Earth in Mind, by David Orr, that I would highly recommend. It's one of my favorite things I've read in college so far - I'll share a few lines from it that have gotten me thinking.

"One of the penalties of an ecological education is that one lives alone in a world of wounds."

- Actually a quote from A. Leopold of A Sand County Almanac fame

This quote pretty accurately how it feels to be an environmental studies major - like shit. You know the world is sliding down to hell all around you and you feel like there's no one you can talk to about it who will understand.

"No concerns about the world getting warmer - people thought they were just being rewarded for treating others as they'd like to be treated, for obeying stop signs and curing diseases, for mailing letters with the address of the sender - now we can swim any day in November."

- The Postal Service, "Sleeping In"

As my lyrical quotes have hopefully showed you, music has something to say about the environment. I think that the world can be changed not only by politics, but by music and storytelling. Look at Dylan's protest songs - look at the Beatles. Look at the fear books can instill in the hearts of wrongdoers, so much so that they burn them in huge piles I'm not saying that I'm going to go out and write songs about saving the planet, but I think music has power; I'm not saying I'll write a political treatise on how to tackle the intractable issue of the environment, but I think telling stories can change lives. Then again, I'm not saying I won't do those things. We'll see what happens when I let my blood out on the page, what shapes the fictions will form. 

"The planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind."

- David Orr, Earth in Mind

This is my goal. I want to add stories to the stack, pages to the book, music to the air. I'll leave you with the piece of music I quoted at the top of the post, Laura Marling's Flicker and Fail, currently my most-played song in iTunes. It's simply beautiful, and Laura definitely has something to say, if you care to listen:

"And the rain fell on the towers and on the late swaying trees, and it hammered and it raged on us unwillingly. The believers were forewarned, and they ran in to the storm and watched the Earth's light flicker and fail"

- Laura Marling, "Flicker and Fail"