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ANGEL OR DEMON?

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“Oh wow that’s--. That’s awesome. I’m gonna use that sometime! That’s a good one that is.”

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Weird post ;;; literally don’t read this cos it’s mostly me being a hard-ass on opinions that no one asked from me

I see a lot of posts about inclusivity and feeling left out on tumblr,, and this is just something I’ve been thinking about for a while.

It’s really weird, and idk sometimes i feel like i seem really social on tumblr, or like friendly or whatever. And by some odd chance, i have a bit of a following here. I openly tell ya’ll, cos I’m appreciative of it. And honestly I’m amazed by it as well.

But even tho there are seven thousand odd people on here, i can feel left out too? (Boohoo, am i right) . But because i dont’ have a “fandom” username, it harms and helps me. Helps me cos i can gather casual fans or random people, but harms me because you can’t tell straight off the bat what KIND of blog i am.

And cos of that, i get left out of fandom circles, or blog refs, or this and that. And i really don’t reply often to ALL of my 3000 inbox messages, and i don’t see tags. So in turn, i don’t get “included” because of my “inactivity” . Which is intentionally or unintenntional

Ya kinda hurts my ego to see blogs i follow get “noticed” and not lil o me. The lil jealous devil on my shoulder is like “that blog has more/less/same followers as me!!! Why didnt’ i get noticed!!!!! >:((“ or “uwuu no one likes you Jacky” or “uwuu no one likes how thirsty you are ALL THE TIme” and like i can get sad about it hahaa

Also i have a weird fixation on how I haven’t gotten anon hate and like i feel so insignificant cos of that hahahahahaha (that’s bad i know . And i am a gernally nice person so idk what would ever trigger that anyway lol)

But what does it matter??

I have a wonderful home here, i have my own blog to groom, my own friends, my own hobbies, and likes and dislikes, and my own fics to write (or not write lmao)

I feel so weird about the complaints about “tumblr cliques” or like tumblr “friends” because... no offense but you can have people that you are closer to than others? It just seems..... like a waste to time to spend lamenting over it.

sorry, if it comes off as harsh, but put time onto something else. Make friends with other “smaller blogs” or make friends with the big blogs that you care about. I don’t know, like i have people i talk to here, but i feel so awkward and idk if i can really call anyone close CLOSE to me. I feel too small to call anyone by name. Like I’m scared haha. And when i see people go back and forth, all i can think is “wow i’m so happy you found someone to share your tumblr experience with!”

And like now the hoco thing is making me feel guilty lmao. Like i feel guilty to feel grateful, but it’s just super weird that I’m even nominated cos the whole thing seem so wholesome and i just feel like some thirsty weirdo over in the corner here. Tumblr has made it this weird backwards thing where i feel like....... i have to dance around certain topics or like “wealth?????” But like i don’t care ???

Big blog or small blog, you’re a blog. A collection of images, videos and words, that may or may not be your own. Each person brings something different, and that is so special. Don’t let yourself feel less than in YOUR OWN home. Decorate it in a way that makes you happy, and if people like it along the way, then hurray! If they don’t???? Ok thanks for stopping by!

This is just so long winded, but tumblr is what you make of it. If you spend your time feeling excluded, you WILL be excluded (by your own hand). Your blog is like an extension of your conscience, and if you keep putting out disgruntled vibes, you will continue to be disgruntled. Make you own home, make your own friends, make your own happiness, boost yourself and idk like tumblr is for you and your downtime!!! Make it happy!!!!!!!!!

Also stop sending anon hate u wackos . You literallly care too much if you get to that point .

Idk that was a lot and probs didnt’ make sense. . Sorry if i stepped on any toes, i just KEEP seeing things that put other people down in order to comfort one individual and it might just be my mentality, and easygoing nature but like........ you can’t ask all of tumblr or the fandom to change for you. And you don’t have to change yourself. What you can do is find a place you feel homey, and loved and appreciated. Lament for a moment, but like..... idk it just makes me sad. Sorry. Also I’m getting really sad seeing people leaving tumblr and bickering over the most middle school shit

#looooooooooooooooooooooooooooool #sorry i’ll delete this #i’m just like thinking too hard about things that don’t concern me #personal #madmadmilk #madmadannoying