I wrote this back in November, it’s called ‘Turmoil’
Atop of my bed I quietly lie
Almost paralysed, drowning in my own thoughts
It’s an endless downward spiral
But my eyes won’t well, I cannot cry
Lately been considering suicide
But I revel in my living destruction
Hollow like my childhood dreams
Or the bloody tissues I’ve tossed aside
I could scream until my lungs collapse
And sing until my throat bleeds
Frantically flicking the strings of my bass
Writing songs about shitty scumbags
The way you strum your guitar
That confidence makes me feel so alive
I’m always in awe of your presence
It’s weird, it’s strange- bizarre
Your knowing blue eyes and soft touch
Please just hold me in your arms forever
I cannot bear to be alone
I love you so fucking much
I’ll scream and beg, sobbing for you to not go
Pleading and clinging on for dear life
Fearing abandonment, filled deep with inner turmoil
If I ask you not to leave, promise you’ll say ‘no’
I’ve never felt such exhaustion and pain
I’ve barely even eaten lately
Panic is all that fills my brain
With every single thought it serves to drive me more insane