#lostinthenightcourt

[dandysweetgal]

@lostinthenightcourt

i miss you :’[

Shucks man .... 

Valentine barked furiously at me today and then pissed himself. The complete opposite of his quite ‘ mommy i got to pee’ bark. I was kinda mad, but then I thought how does bubby deal with this sonpup. 

The dogs kept me company pretty good. They slept in the sun when the window was open. 

I managed to finish two postcard designs today. My wrist hurt a bit after thought. and I was streaming. Did you manage to catch any of it? I was watching the viewer counter hoping to see you. 

Is everything okay? I miss you so much....I hope you come home soon. 

I did eat lunch and dinner so no worries. I also played with Pistachio. Rocket is perfect.

I miss my sleepytime pats. I miss your too warmness under the covers.

I just miss your constant presence. 

[lostinthenightcourt-blog]

On My Mind

You know really thinking about it, i don’t really feel proud of who I am, or what i identify as. The more and more I think about it, the more it becomes clear to me. I often find myself wondering what other people think about me, and that i should consider keeping that part of me hidden and “blend in”. I just feel so self conscious .

As for what I identify as, I pretty much identify as a non-binary person leaning more toward being effeminate. To put more on top of that I consider myself a furrie and I have no problem with that, but I guess I feel more self-conscious about it and revealing it to other people. To put the icing on-top of that I am indeed black. Everywhere that I go, I catch the glimpses of my own people, and of other people, especially white people. They act as if I don’t see their gazes, and how they often create space between me and themselves. I humbly smile and nod, and pretend like nothing is wrong, but i’m getting tired of it. Yes, i know I’m black, and yes I know that makes you uncomfortable. Please move on.

I guess another thing that contributes to this is that I stop myself from enjoying things that I usually enjoy. For example, I’m in the furrie community and I love both the erotic and non-erotic art. I love it, its just something about it that I feel a deep connection with, and it makes “sense”. I feel like that separates me from other people, and when I even think about or go to show people who aren’t familiar with it, I immediately suck all the joy out of what makes it so enjoyable and fun for me. Simply for the fact that I want to be neutral, and not seem weird, or to appear as if I’m joking. Its usually along the lines of “Oh hey, look what i found! Wanna see?” when good and well i know where I found it, and what it is. Maybe I just don’t want to get hurt for something I like or something that makes me different?

To all those who accept me for who I am, thank you and it means a lot to me, and to my wonderful fiance thanks for putting up with my quiet/stoic furrie bull-crap, I love you.

Alright, thats probably it for now.

[lostinthenightcourt-blog]

Just a thought

Just thought about this at work. So I identify as Agender. All is well in the world. It's easier for me to identify as Ren in reference to my more masculine nature, but for my other half I've just realized something. I often times have ignored my more feminine nature and haven't given them a name. So at work it randomly came to me that I'd like to call them Delphine. So yeah. Gonna go by Delphine sometimes when I feel more like them.

[lostinthenightcourt-blog]

heh

i've been reblogging stuff from everyone i know for so long i actually forgot what my actual interests were. Time to go looking for stuff i like.

[lostinthenightcourt-blog]

I was tagged by dandysweetgal

Favorite fictional character: Bowser

Book: Any of the Silent Hill graphic Novels

Animation: Megas XLR, wonderful world of gumball, etc...(whatever catches my attention)

TV Show: i don't watch much tv but usually Black-ish, how to get away with murder, american horror story, a haunting.

Favorite beverage: Anything citrus, rootbeer, or vanilla. A combinatino of all three is actually pretty good. 

Favorite food: Oddly enough i do not have one. Anything with fish, noodles, or any type of meat really.

Last movie I’ve seen in cinemas: Horrible Bosses 2

Dream holiday: Honestly my dream holiday would involve being surrounded by all of my partners just having a good time. Perhaps catching a movie or two, taking a drive, going out to eat, cuddling and talking, sparring, drawing, listening to music. I'd also just like to go traveling with all of them and take a plane ride somewhere to explore.

Dream wedding: Something fairly simple, not too extravagant, but something elegant. Somewhere where all my family and her family can just come relax, talk, party, dance, and they get to see how much i'm going to spoil my dearly beloved waifu/sweetheart.

Dream job: Is it weird to say that i don't have a dream job? Its not that i don't have one, nor i haven't thought of one, but i just feel like i know i'm going to be comfortable, working somewhere i love, and doing something i love with the people i love. Everything will be taken care of, so no worries. Though i do enjoy physics and biology. I have the knowledge to do both.

Nicknames: Ren, Brenna, Bren-Bren, claire, Dan (Maybe?), Bre

Birthday: 6/16

Sex: Male 

Height: somewhere between 5'8-5'9

Favorite color: Blue, but as of late it fluctuates 

Time and date at current moment: 12/15 3:56 pm

Average hours of sleep: between 5-8hrs

Lucky number: i don't really have one, i just know sometimes.

Last things I googled:  Silent hill,  disassociative behavior, mental disassociation, aloofness, stoicism

First word that comes to mind: Dammit 

One place that makes me happy: my beloveds home.

How many blankets I sleep under: Just my covers. No bed sheets.

I will tag , coyotestardust, bomboogie, hotanimebabe ninjaduelist, and anyone who wants to do this. 

[lostinthenightcourt-blog]

Cyclops = Stress reliever

well its official. Drawing my cyclops monster girl is essentially the equivalent of stress relief. Everytime i draw her, she has either a amused expression on her face, or a semi frustrated one. Probably going to draw her frustrated all the time. This gon be good.

[lostinthenightcourt-blog]

Well then

Ironically the first actual sketch i try to do with my cyclops, i draw her with her hand in her panties. Ah well. Atleast i'm entertained and satisfied.

[lostinthenightcourt-blog]

Mini Monster

Well for the past couple of days sitting awake in the early morning. The idea to draw monster girls has been picking at me. So i've started drawing a Cyclops monster girl. Honestly drawing her over and over, she reminds me  of myself. Ah well. I'll post pictures when i feel like she's ready.