astoria can be seen in the common room besides a fireplace with a book, she spent majority of her life in busy wizarding hospitals around the world whilst her parents begged someone to fix her blood curse. she learnt to block out sounds from around her so the common room chatter doesn’t distract her, but silence… that does bother her. she hates it when theres nothing occupying her mind- if its quiet she has the space to think and if she thinks shes met with the impending doom of her death- though she has years before it comes to that every ticking moment feels wasted. so most nights astoria falls asleep with a book in her hand or the record player spinning and spinning with no sound.
she’ll read anything she can get her hands on, everyone thinks shes in her head but shes just as educated or probably even more so than anyone else. she’s the girl that debates with you in class about politics her views ‘left’ despite growing up in a pureblood household. she’ll fact correct you in the nicest way possible. she does pick her battles though knowing arguing with her grandparents isn’t appropriate, stuff like that.
she loves her family even though they’re overwhelming. she knows her condition makes her weak and susceptible to getting sick but is a weekly visit home and multiple owls really necessary? daphne, she adores and they do spend a-lot of time together. Astoria made a point to open herself up to new friends when she got to Hogwarts so Daphne didn’t feel the need to look after her there as well.
she watches love from afar and though she’d love to experience it she thinks its selfish to put someone through her predicament. she wouldnt be able to fully give herself to someone knowing… and though people have tried she smiles and shakes her head. shes grown accustomed to watching life happen without her in it until Draco.
Their first interaction left Draco a little taken back. Astorias calm but sharp demeanour slicing him in half as she told him off about using the phrase mudblood. He had never cared about what others thought before but he had just been told off by a girl, a girl that was two years younger than him in-front of his friends and peers. he was rendered speechless- embarrassed. He scoffed it off but spent the day wondering how to make himself look good in her eyes again which was honestly the start of it all.
BAE HAECHAN ALBUM RELEASE HOW ARE YOU FEELING? You were the first person I thought about when I saw!!! I need to know ur thoughts!!!
OMG HI STOP I CRIED SEEING THIS DUDE 😭 this made my day actually 🥹
I STILL HAVENT RECOVERED FROM IT 😭 if im being honest im still in disbelief that he ACTUALLY released a solo album of just him and his voice like this is what I’ve been waiting for for so long it’s insane 😭
Anyways, I’m literally planning on posting a detailed review about the album’s songs, but I had to let it marinate first and I wanted to listen to it over and over before doing so bc THE ALBUM WAS SO GOOD and I wanted to make sure I do my own review on it justice (even tho it’s for my own enjoyment). Rn though, my favs are roll with me, WYN, and should be, but that’s only if I RLY had to choose.
Haechan was saying tht his album’s not for easly listening and it’s music people need to pay extra attention to and I do agree with what he’s said !! Every single song brings something diff to the table and I’ve been eating every single one up. AND IT SCREAMED HIM. I feel like every time I listen to the songs I find new details and it shows how much work he’s put into the album. Not to mention how his performance for CRZY highlights his stage presence and dance skills and his ability to own the stage (not that I was worried about him not doing so, he’s BEEN eye catching).
It makes me so proud to be his fan 🙂↕️, like YES THATS WHO I SUPPORT RIGHT THERE and I can confidently say he’s good at what he does 😭 like it’s a DEBUT album and it feels like he’s been releasing solo music for years. I just hate how it took this long for it but it was well worth the wait.
Have u listened to it too?
LMAOOO sorry for the rant but I had to take the opportunity to say all this 😭 and so sorry for the late reply, I was busy all day yesterday,,, anyways, I hope ur doing well!!
terence is nice but judgy lol, he definitely picks and choses his friends and is wary of anyone else. very close knit friend group that are more like family to him. if he needs help he will most likely go to adrian (ofc) anyone else is a bit of a stretch tbh. his more of a ride or die kind of guy! if adrian asked him for help he would do anything for him genuinely.
adrian is nice and helpful to everyone (as prefects are) he does more for others than he does for himself its a bit of a problem! he can have a conversation with anyone about anything and maintain that connection. he gives alot more than he takes (people would help him if he ever asked for it). his trusted.
miles is friends with everyone but friends with no one. he floats around based on his interests and needs which change bi weekly because he gets bored easily!! but he also has so many passions he just has friends for everything!! he doesnt have anyone when it truely comes down to it though. no one knows his true self deep down and he never expresses his feelings.
graham finds it hard to make friends only because he looks really intimidating and doesnt care about much. but people who get to know him see that his unintentionally funny and absorbs everything his told. he will help you and act like he didnt or its not a big deal (he sort of wants some validation but would never admit that). he probably doesnt give the best advice but it definitely is straight forward.
Cassius is friends with you based on class and whether you will benefit him. he wont waste time on anyone who doesnt share the same values as him or his family (which means his friends with alot of purebloods). most of his friends are the children of his parents friends as they’ve grown up together. if you need his help he would probably do it if it made him look good infront of the professors or something along those lines.
Description: Terence finds himself paying back his debt by working at his local muggle library in the new year. The last thing he expected was to figure himself out… and fall in love.
word count: 6.8k
warnings: mentions of death, grief, alcoholic parent.
authors note: this is a continuation of ‘bleeding hearts’ but you dont need to read it. I’ve added the relevant information in this fic. I am sleep deprived but keen to get this out. Sorry for any mistakes!
Part One: So Much For Christmas
Silence fills the house as the radio crackles out of range, pausing the Christmas music for the fifth time since Terence turned it on. He glances at the clock becoming increasingly more annoyed. It was half past eight and his mother still hadn't made her way home and his sister Olive hadn’t turned up either.
He stares at the glow of the oven knowing the turkey was probably dry by now and the potatoes would be crisped on the sides and stuck to the bottom of the pan. He sighs in a huff standing up and placing the bowl of salad he made into the fridge, along with the drinks he had taken out.
Terence, despite having moved out a couple of months ago, was the only one who made it home for Christmas. He made sure his mother defrosted the turkey for him to put in when he got home. He made sure to stop by the super market on the way in to grab a few last minute supplies on christmas eve. He even made a tower of store brought fruit mince tarts for dessert. With the handiness of his magic he could pop up their small tree and decorations while he cooked.
It was the first time he was happy to be home only to be met with the same loneliness he experienced in his apartment - but ten times worse.
He turns off the oven grabbing his coat and keys, slamming the door shut. The wind howls around him, the snow falls gently adding to the existing layer from earlier that day. His shoes are already soaked yet he continues to trek towards the one place he avoids every time he comes around. The cemetery.
He pauses at the gate with his jaw clenched in slight anger. The gate groans as he slips through it and the snow crunches under his feet. Despite the time there are a few people here, saying Merry Christmas to loved ones they've lost. Terence feels slightly ashamed that he is not here to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’ but to say ‘fuck you’ instead.
The fog of his breath lingers for a moment before being carried with the wind in front of him. His fathers grave still looked so new, and Terence realises his death wasn't that long ago, yet his ongoing absence had him dead to Terence long before that.
Terence shuffles his feet trying to warm up his toes. He sniffs feeling the cold burn his nose making it red and blotchy. He hadn't seen the stone yet, when they buried him he was just a wooden piece with a scribbled name to mark the spot. But he sees it now, the name, the small picture on the side, the small note…
“I didn't expect to see you here” Terence flinches at the noise, turning the top half of his body around quickly to come face to face with his mother.
“I didn't expect to be here either” He confesses with a sigh turning back around to stare at the stone.
“I rarely come here myself” she confesses walking up beside him “Sometimes I wish he was buried further so I wouldn't feel so guilty driving past”
The engraving ‘Devoted Husband and Father’ mocked Terence. Devoted. The word echoed through his mind stirring a world wind of emotions, mostly anger, inside him. He was devoted to nothing but alcohol and himself.
He thinks back to the last time they saw each other. The Christmas dinner a year ago, where he had shown up a drunken mess and made them all uncomfortable.
‘We never needed you then and we don't need you now’
The last words Terence ever said to him.
“I’m sorry, for everything that happened” His mother says it so quietly the wind almost carries the words away with it and Terence barely processes it “I was consumed by grief for so long I didn’t realise the thought of him returning paralysed me more than him leaving did. He wasn't a good man, to you or me”
Terence says nothing in response, looking in the direction to his left at the lamp illuminating the snow falling onto the path under it.
“I can’t even begin to pay you back for all your help throughout the years, but I’ll try” She nods to herself as she watches Terence actively avoid looking her in the eye “I promise”
Terence nods, shoving his hands deeper into his coat. He doesn’t believe that. How could she repay him for the nights he protected Olive from their fighting or being the one who would get her dressed in the morning and made her breakfast while he was only a child himself. How could she give him back his childhood?
“How is the big ministry job going for you?” She questions walking to the tombstone and wiping off the pile of snow growing on the top.
“It’s good, pays the bills”
“And that apartment of yours, is it good enough for you?”
“It’s only a place to pass the time. It’s good enough Mum” Terence scratches his ear then brushes his hand through his hair.
She huffs out a laugh “You lie exactly like Olive. Your tells are the same” she smiles copying the way they both play with their hair when they lie “She must have learnt them from you”
Terence crosses his arms sighing, his breath fogging in front of him “Mum please”
“You may be a wizard but I am your mother” She points a stern finger at him “I saw the stains and cracks on those walls the last time I was there Terence. It doesnt look like you’ve been sleeping well either. Olive told me you haven’t responded to any of your friends letters, or hers”
“I’ve been busy” He avoids commenting on any of the other accusations.
“Terence, I want you back home”
Terence stiffens glancing at her in confusion, that is the last thing Terence wants. He had worked hard to get out of home, he had packed up his things and left that house after graduation so quickly he didn't even have to unpack his bag from Hogwarts.
“Just to get you out of that apartment, you can teleport to work and back-“
“Apperate” He corrects
“I dont care but you cant live there anymore” She explains waving her arms around and Terence bites down his opinion “It’s my turn to look after you now”
Those words leave a sour taste on Terence's tongue. He almost wants to laugh. No, he wants to say, no way in hell. Instead he glances back at his fathers grave. Staring at the person it started from, buried under him yet still causing a mess. He wished problems died along with people, memories wiped from minds when the person they stemmed from was eaten away underground. But they didn't and Terence still lived with the repercussions of it all.
He hadn't cried when his father died. He felt numb, empty maybe but he hadn't cried. He watched his sister sob in the arms of Adrian Pucey and realised how truly alone he was in it all. Terence was ultimately to blame, he had purposely pushed her away for years to keep himself safe from being left but didn't realise he had left her and everyone else first in the process.
Yet he still thought people would be there for him.
But no one seemed to think he needed comfort.
No one opened their arms for him believing he didn't need it.
Now they wanted him back home to live in the same house he couldn't run away faster from, to look after him. He presses his lips together clenching his jaw as he thinks about it. The apartment was infested and violated some health codes.
“Okay” he croaks out stepping back and beginning to walk away slowly as he regains feeling in his legs “I’ll move back”
His mother smiles at him with a nod of approval.
He walks away muttering something about the turkey being in the oven to his mother but instead of trekking the way he came he keeps going. Even though his fingers are barely there and his shoes are soaked to his socks he cant bare to turn around. The shops along the strip are closed but their christmas lights glitter in the windows. They have carousels spinning in the display windows all night and day. He continues to walk until the local library comes in view. Its small compared to the one Hogwarts use to have and even the wizarding library in Hogsmede and Diagon Alley. But it was big enough for a small town like this where people died wnd families replaced them. There was colouring sheets of santa stuck to the glass windows, some drawn perfectly and others scribbled wherever they wanted to
He stops at the door that glows in the dark at him. The sign is turned to ‘Open’ and he steps forward looking in. All the lights are on and he frowns. There was no way this was open on Christmas Day but Terence pushes the door and it unlocks letting him right in. The warm air hits him first and he almost moans at how it heats his very cold face.
“Christmas didn't go well?”
Terence follows the voice to the right where a girl sits comfortably behind a desk with a book open in front of her. She's wearing one of those comedically ugly Christmas sweaters which Terence can only guess is on purpose. Her dark red curls sit at chest length and she smiles.
“No one showed up” He says honestly tugging off his damp jacket and plopping it on the rack beside what he assumes is hers.
“Thats rough, I’m sorry” She replies closing her book, which Terence recognises as The Great Gatsby
He shrugs looking around “I didn't think anything was open on Christmas Day?”
“My parents are out of town for the holidays so we celebrated last week. I thought being home alone would be more depressing than being at work”
“Wild conclusion” Terence mumbles looking around. Decorations were up throughout the entire place. A christmas tree was lit in the corner and had a bunch of gifts wrapped underneath. There was tinsel hanging from the ceiling, cut out snowflakes stuck to the walls. More drawn pictures. Yet somehow it all came together to feel homely.
“Can I help you find anything?” She interrupts leaning on her elbows on the desk “We have most things, biographies are over there, fiction non fiction, we’ve got DVSs and CDs in that corner, hmmm, oh and comics just there” She's pointing in different directions and Terence listens but doesn't.
“You said comics were over there?” He gestures behind him and she nods, he nods back in thanks.
He spends the new hour delved deep into a spiderman comic, sitting in a blue bean bag on the floor. He knows his getting old cause he keeps needing to adjust just to keep his back happy and his legs from going numb. He only scrambles up when he hears the girl's chair drag out from under her.
“I was thinking of heading out now, would you like me to check out your book? Our borrow limit is a week”
Terence looks down at the comic book he finished 30 minutes ago but used as an excuse to stay and periodically glance at her reading from across the building “Yeah definitely”
“Cool. I’ll pop you into the system. Whats your name?”
“Terence Higgs”
She types on the computer and slips me a library card “All done”
“Wow, thanks” He pockets the card and looks at the comic
“I’m Y/N by the way” She flashes a smile and turns off her computer and starts turning off the lights “You got a home Terence?”
“Yeah..?”
“Do you need a lift? It’s too cold to walk in this weather” She says shuffling into her coat and buttoning it up, Terence follows in suit.
“I should be fine…” Terence assures but as they exit the building Terence is hit with the icy wind that almost freezes his lungs from inside out “Actually I will take your offer”
“Called it” The keys jingle in her hand and they pop into her car, it roars to life and she pushes in the tape she was listening to when she first drove in. “Goo Goo Dolls” She says in a matter of a fact type of way “Like em?”
Terence swallows nervously scratching at his ear “Yeah they’re great”
“Whats your favourite song” Her fingers tap on the steering wheel as she backs out of her parking spot and makes it out of the lot “Left or right?”
“Left” He says ignoring her first question and she turns out.
“Mines Broadway, I mean I’d say Iris but I feel like that's probably a given answer, everyone likes Iris. It’s a great song”
“Yeah definitely, turn here” Terence points to the right
“You have no idea what I’m talking about do you” She laughs following his direction
“Sorry” He shrinks into himself caressing the comic in his lap, taking note of the vanilla smell that roamed around her car.
“I’m not judging you Terence, not everyone has the same music taste” she shrugs.
“It’s just up here” He points to the one house without christmas lights put up and she pulls into the drive way “Thank you for the lift, and introduction to The Goo Goo Dolls” he says sheepishly
She laughs “No worries, I’ll see you when you return Spiderman! And if you don’t… I know where you live! Ha!”
Terence chokes a laugh and gets out, closing the door, waving at her quickly and heading inside. When he gets inside it's quiet and he assumes his mothers gone to bed early after her long work shift but on the dinner table fruit mince tarts sit carefully stacked on top of each other untouched just the way he left it. So much for Christmas.
Part Two: The Return of Spiderman.
It took Terence less than a week to pack up his apartment, it took him less than 24 hours to quit his job and it took one hour to haul everything back into his little room on the second floor of his family home. He chucked almost all this clothing into the washing machine and stacked belongings onto Olive's bed knowing she wouldn't be back anytime soon to need it.
It took Terence two weeks after that to return Spiderman back to it’s rightful home. The library. He paced the entrance for what felt like forever until a mother and daughter opened the door and saw him. They hesitantly kept it open for him and he thanked them, stepping in. This time it smelt like Minestrone soup and Terence's stomach groaned in response.. Most of the Christmas decorations had been taken down since it was well past the new year. Nervously walking to the right he finds Y/N sitting in the same spot with her arms crossed and her eyes squinted at him suspiciously. She puts her hand out, palm to the ceiling waiting for Terence to put the comic into it.
“I said a week Higgs, you are incredibly late”
“I know I’m sorry, I was moving out of my apartment I lost track of time-” He begins placing the comic into her hand and she almost snatches it from the air.
“Excuses, I’m going to have to fine you”
“Fine me?” Terence exclaims
“Unless…”
“Unless?” he repeats, raising his brows in interest. He can't afford to pay a library fine. He can't even afford to take the bus here.
“You can volunteer here for a week. God knows I need the help” she shrugs “You decide”
“I’ll volunteer” He replies almost instantly and she grins knowing this option would win.
“Great, you start now. I’ll show you how to restock the books properly” She jumps up from the chair and Terence automatically follows her and the vanilla smell of her hair lingering behind her when she walks.
A week of volunteering turned into two and then two months later Terence knows the regulars by name and can remember the codes for popular books that get checked out as soon as they're checked back in. He knows that Wednesdays are horror nights and patrons gather around and read out scary stories. He knows that the kids corner is full of excited and brilliant minded kids that make a mess of it but leave behind fabulous drawings to hang on the walls. But most importantly he knows that Y/N hums while shes happy, she ties her hair up with pencils when she gets flustered and she scratches the inside of her arm when she's stressed.
Everytime he entered the library it was like he was in another world. Here he was important and made a difference, he met people and connected with them. It felt like a family which he never felt before. Even when he was in the slytherin common rooms he still felt like an outsider that had to constantly prove his worth to even be there, but here he was just Terence.
He was Terence that danced around to the radio as they closed up and would grab Y/N by the hand gently to twirl her. He was Terence that smiled and inspired children to read stories about fantasy cause he could easily tell them his first hand experience with mermaids, ghosts and dragons and pretend it was all made up. He was a Terence that he lost a long time ago.
It was a Wednesday night and the regular horror fanatics sat on chairs in a circle reading out the next chapter of their novel mumbling to each other as they got shocked or the lack of. Terence was on desk duty keeping an eye out on the patrons leaving without checking out the books in their hands and in between interactions he doodled on the scrap pieces of paper left on the desk.
He glanced periodically at Y/N as she scurried around the premises collecting stray books from tables and placing them back to their spots. She cleaned sticky messes from the kids section and wiped down windows. She was a machine at her job and Terence loved to witness her in her zone.
Without really thinking about it Terence finds himself drawing a cartoon version of her with a little witches hat and wand in hand. Doing her duties but of course with a magical twist. The books float into its spot instead of her hand pushing them in. The windows are being cleaned by a magically controlled rag.
He huffs out small laughs smiling at the ridiculousness of it all, so amused he doesn’t notice Nel making her way towards him intrigued.
Y/N pauses in front of the desk balancing a stack of books against her chest, she peers over to the drawing and he immediately tries to cover it with his right forearm.
“What are you drawing?”
His hand freezes and his eyes widening “Nothing just something stupid” he replies standing up straight and sliding the paper closer towards himself.
“Show me”
Terence looks between her and the paper nervously but turns it around and lets her look. She smiles.
“You seem to know a lot about magic Terence, maybe you were a wizard in a past life”
‘I would be unlucky enough’ He says plainly, tapping his fingers on the desk and shooting a smile to a regular patron walking out and waving at him.
“That’s where we are so different, Terence. I don’t see it as unlucky at all, it would be extraordinary” She winks and rebalances the books in her hand “You have talent Terence. Keep drawing” She disappears into the aisles.
Terence takes the paper home spending the rest of his night sitting at the kitchen table outlining and colouring in his work. He pins it on her cork board at work the very next day.
Terence blames it for being the sole reason Y/N even thinks he would be a good fit for the creative class in the kids corner later that week. His heart almost sinks to his stomach when she walks past casually ruining his entire day, maybe life with the next few sentences.
“I need you to take the kids corner today, Jan called in sick and I have to fix some stuff out. It's super easy, just get them to draw something and be quiet. You got this’ Y/N pats his shoulder encouragingly and walks right past into the office. He can see her through the windows shuffling through papers, stepping around stacked books and sticking her nose into letters she needs to respond to.
Terence looks around a little lost and overwhelmed. Parents file in with little sticky kids grabbing at her hands and leaving prints along the plastic shelving towards the front. Terence swallows, taking it step by step to the kids area. It’s all set up, the only thing he needed to do was direct. But Terence was never a good leader, not great in team environments. He preferred to do everything his way and by himself that’s why he was a seeker back at Hogwarts. Now he stood there with big wide excited eyes waiting for his instruction. The parents stand to the back quietly chatting to each other or they crouched next to their child in the tiny chairs ready to participate and help.
Terence glances at the available material stacked chaotically on the shelf. He didn’t know how to make fluffy pipe cleaner animals or origami. He could only draw. He hands out blank pieces of paper and he tries not to worry about the kids who have already started to fold it, the paper was theirs not his.
“Hi everyone, thank you for coming today. I’m Terence and I’ll be helping you out today” he shuffles on the spot and lifts his stack of papers “I was thinking today we can make a comic strip”
The kids stare at him waiting for more direction. He slightly panics and starts pacing the room ‘So I want you to come up with a story, it could be about a dragon, a mermaid-“
“A FAIRY?” One of the girls yells out excitedly and Terence smiles
“You can do a fairy”
The girl looks at her mum excitedly and reaches towards the cups in the middle that hold assorted pencils.
Terence shows the kids how to fold their paper in quarters and use the four spaces to create a sequence. Some of them get it, others don’t. But Terence tries his best not to nick-pick as long as they were all having fun. At the end Terence collects the papers and says goodbye while pinning their stories over the room. He spends his time reading them.
“You did well” Terence turns his head, Y/N stands leaning against the door frame with a grin “Just like I knew you would”
“You could have warned me before. I had no prep time” he sighs crossing his arms
“You prepare too much” She cocks her head slightly, eyeing him up and down “You need to live in the moment and realise things will still work out fine without overanalysing. They liked you Terence, they liked you a lot. Some asked if you’d be back next week”
“Really?”
Y/N smiles “You better clean up” she nods at the table and floor with pencils strewn everywhere.
Everyone in Terence’s life had always just known how he was and never questioned it. They knew he had his life mapped out since he started high school; everything was perfectly calculated to end up exactly where he wanted to be. Working in the ministry and away from home. But Terence didn’t calculate how unhappy he would be, he didn’t realise how he would change as a person. That his passions would lead him elsewhere so he stayed on track. He got everything he didn’t want.
Y/N wasn’t like his friends or family. She saw through him and pushed him outside his comfort zone constantly. When he got too comfortable at the front of the desk she switched him to the aisles and when he got a bit too good at that it was figuring out the muggle computers to help others use it. And now she had thrown him into a situation that didn’t have a manual or anything for him to learn, it was simply just using his mind. He liked that she could do that to him.
When Terence opens the front door to his house he is met with the sweet smell of chocolate cookies and sugar wafting throughout the hallway. He frowns, shrugging off his coat and hanging it, wondering why on earth his mother would be making cookies before dinner. But when he crouches to untie his laces his met with two pairs of shoes and he recognises them immediately.
Part three: The past and Present
“Your home!”
Looking up, his sister is peeking down the hallway from the dining room with an apron on. She looks happy but nervous and Terence understands why. He still hadn’t responded to her since her last owl and knowing that she was here also meant Adrian was.
He smiles placing his shoes next to theirs and walking towards them “Hey, it’s good to see you”
Olive smiles politely, hugging him and patting him on the back awkwardly and moving out the way so Adrian who’s also fashioning an apron could greet him too.
“If you took any longer we were going to show up to the firm and drag you out” Adrian comments patting Terence on the arm as a hello.
Terence fakes a smile walking towards the pots on the stove and the chocolate cookies cooling down on the bench “Pasta?”
“Of course”
Terence doesn’t want to be rude and ask why they’re here and making dinner but the lack of knowledge on their intentions looms over him like a weight on his chest he can’t budge. “What brings you guys to town?” He asks instead leaning down and grabbing plates out of the cabinet
“Oh we just thought we’d take a trip down for the weekend. We spent today at Adrians and I let myself in to make dinner. Mum said you’d be at work’
Terence nods, setting the plates up while Adrian finds the cutlery. The doorbell rings and they all stop to look at each other. Terence glances between them for any sign of another surprise guest from Terence's old life they decided to give but Olive shakes her head. He makes his way to the door and peers through the peep hole, seeing dark red hair shine through. He flings the door open and is met with Y/N’s smiling face
“Hey!”
“Hey?” Terence grips the door tight, highly aware any noise would send either of his guests to peep from the hallway “How do you know where I live?”
She frowns “I drive you home all the time?” she questions
“Oh, right, sorry. I forgot about that” Awkward silence fills the air and she covers her top lip with her bottom in a pouted smile looking around. “Can I… help you?” Terence asks nervously looking back into the house then to her again
“Oh! Well I thought, maybe I could take you out for a drink?” she shoves her hands into her coat pocket “As a celebration of your success on the Kids corner today”
Terence mentally sighs. Another other night he would have jumped at the chance to be out of this house. “Tonights not really a good time-“
“Terence, who is it?” Olive yells from the kitchen and he winces resting his head on the door. She pops out and walks down to the door
Y/N looks between Terence and Olive, taking a step back “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your… date?” she questions
I groan and Olive sets into hysterics “Oh my gosh NO! I’m Terence's sister Olive” she extends her hand for Nel to shake and she reluctantly does “My boyfriend Adrian is currently mixing the pasta. Would you like to join us?”
It’s Terence's personal nightmare hearing Y/N unintentionally catch Olive and Adrian up on his life over bowls of red sauced pasta. He scratches the back of his head periodically faking a smile as his family politely nod along to her stories, partly confused.
“I thought you worked at a law firm?” Adrian pats his mouth with a napkin and the table goes silent.
Terence looks up between his lashes while he stabs his pasta and moves it around within the sauce. His heart is beating so hard and fast it's the only thing he can hear and feel echoing throughout his body. That and Y/Ns confused stare boring into the side of his face.
Olive clears her throat pushing her chair out “Mum probably just heard incorrectly when Terence told her. You know how she is, always off with the faires” she suggests, squeezing Adrian’s shoulder in warning.
Adrian gets the message and nods “Yeah probably “
Only moments later Y/N assures she really does have to get home, its getting quite late. Olive convinces her to take a container of pasta home for tomorrow and disappears into the kitchen. But Terence walks her out towards the front door anyway, slipping away before she can come back. Terence can feel the tension building in his throat and he can tell by the way Y/N hasn’t once turned around to look him in the eye that she’s frustrated with him and holding back an argument in her chest.
“Are you ashamed to volunteer at the library?” She finally snaps as they reach her car. .
“Of course not”
“Then why did you lie? To your mum, your sister, your best friend?” she presses stepping closer and the way she does makes her slightly more intimidating then normal.
Terence opens and closes his mouth letting his arms drop beside him “I don’t know? Okay. People expect things from me, I just didn’t want to let anyone down”
“I don’t think they’re the ones that expect anything from you Terence” She points behind him back at the house then sticks her finger into his chest “I think you’re the one that expects things from you”
Her frustrated glare finally leaves him and he watches her fling her car door open. Mid stepping inside she looks at him. Disappointed and sad “I like you Terence, but I don’t want to waste my time on someone who's ashamed to be who he is”
The car door slams shut but Terence is paralysed by the pressure in his chest that squeezes at his throat and makes it hard to breathe. He knows he has to go inside but just like now he can tell there's a lecture waiting to happen. When he does Olives standing at the end of the hallway with a container of pasta and she awkwardly puts it down on the side table and excuses herself to the bathroom. Terence collects it and shoves it into the fridge.
“So you work at the library” Adrian says gently picking up the plates and bringing them to the sink to start washing.
“Yeah” Terence breathes out following him over to make himself useful and dry them “I volunteer”
“That's great. It sounds like you enjoy it, She had a lot of fun stories about the place. Why did you say you worked at a law firm though?” He questions handing over a plate, Terence grips the wet slippery plate tightly and tries to balance it to swipe over with the tea towel.
“I didn’t want everyone to think I gave up” Terence confesses “It’s not really what I worked towards all these years”
Adrian nods “I get that, but can I say something that might or might not upset you”
Terence sighs, nodding while stacking the dry plates and shuffling around to put them away in the cabinet before the next one comes his way.
“Firstly” Adrian begins watching the soap slide off the plate then passing it to dry “You need to give yourself a break. You studied, you got a job, you didn’t like it. It happens. If every person kept the job they got right out of school they’d be miserable.”
“You lived and you learnt mate. You found a place you enjoy to work at. Why would we be disappointed in you?” Adrian pauses and turns off the tap to grab the pot they were using earlier “Which leads me to my second point”
The waters on again and Terence again hangs his head a little with his hands open waiting for the pot to be be places in them.
“Why do you always think the worst of us? Have we ever given you the impression that we would think any less of you for this?”
“i guess i just assumed you would”
Adrian hums, finally passing the pot and finishing off with the cutlery “You have been my closest friend since we were kids, I love you man. I just want you to do whatever makes you happy, so does your family”
“And you have to apologise and tell her you like her back before you ruin it all” Olive interrupts walking into the room and pushing the chairs in around the table.
Terence groans putting his hands to his temples and slowly massaging them “I’ve messed up”
“Well… yes but she's sweet and she likes you for some odd reason. So I think you can fix it” Olive reassures pulling out a chair and slipping into it “And Adrian's right. We’ve only ever wanted to see you happy, I’m glad you’ve found that at the library”
Terence drops his hands from his face and looks between them. He knows he doesn't deserve the amount of love he receives from them, especially not after his lack of effort and lies, but his relieved they're here now.
“I’m sorry for lying” He says slumping his shoulders a bit “And for ignoring your owls. I didn’t want to admit to you guys I was struggling and it was easier just to isolate myself”
Olives eyes soften “Its okay”
“It’s not” Terence corrects her “But I will try to do better now”
Adrian's hand meets Terence's shoulder and he pulls him in for a side hug “I missed you mate”
“I missed you too”
“Well this is awkward now” Olive hums pressing her finger to her chin “We’ll have to go past that law firm tomorrow and pick up all the letters I’ve been sending there for Terence”
“Oh no” Terence groans with a chuckle.
The rest of the night they sat around the living room catching Terence up on everything he missed over the last six months. They were almost done with Hogwarts and they were in the midst of planning life after school. Terence really listened this time, taking in the moment as it was. He had gotten back two of the most important people in his life- he wasn’t going to take that for granted again.
Part Four: The Confession
It was when he went to bed where he tossed and turned all night, his head a hammering mess thinking about what he should say. No matter how he started or finished it he just imagined her standing there unimpressed and unconvinced. But maybe that was just a reflection of him he puts on her.
He groans, shoving his face into his pillow as the dull glow of the early morning lights up his room reminding him the reckoning isn’t as far as he wishes it would be.
As he walks he rehearses his speech in his mind and when he storms into the library he head’s straight to her office standing in the door way.
He takes a deep breathe in, determined to be heard and says “I need to talk to you”
Y/N glances up at him from behind her desk. She’s rebinding a book that was returned on his last leg “Terence now is not the best time-“
“Then I’ll talk while you work” He suggests closing the office door behind him, gripping the cool metal of the handle to remind himself to chill out.
She sighs and gestures to him to start but everything he had rehearsed blanks from his mind. He picks at the skin around his nails nervously before remembering her tell him that he needs to live in the moment. He takes a deep breath in.
“I’m sorry about last night” He begins “I didn’t tell them about the library because I guess I was ashamed, but not because it's a library but because they… they know a version of me that is too proud to admit that he failed”
Terence looks down at his hands, the skin red, irritated and damp from his nervousness.
“I studied really hard to get accepted into my old job and I saved enough to move out into an apartment to get away from everything but it was all shit. The job sucked, I was miserable and my apartment was infested with mould and bugs”
Y/N finally looks up at him with her face scrunched in slight disgust and worry. Terence continues.
“I’ve been too embarrassed to admit to myself that the life I worked towards was worse than the one I had here. So I couldn’t admit that to anyone else either.” Terence licks his lips as he thinks.
“When I came home for Christmas, I cooked, I decorated and I waited. I waited until the turkey was dry before I could admit to myself no one was coming” He sighs remembering that night and how the frost felt in his lungs “I left and I walked until I ended up here. I thought to myself, theres no way the library is open on christmas day, but here you were sitting at the front desk flipping through The Great Gatsby -which I came to learn you’ve read three times- and you looked at me and said “Christmas didn't go so well?” and I replied-“
“No one showed up” she cuts in relaxing her shoulders as she gently puts down the glue and stands up from her chair.
“No one showed up” he repeats, swallowing and beginning to shake his head. “That’s been my entire life. Don’t get me wrong it’s partly my fault cause I have a habit of pushing people away when I actually need them but ever since I was a child I’ve been dealing with everything on my own”.
“But when I started volunteering here I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I feel like I met a version of myself that was happy and needed- not out of necessity but want. This place changed my life” He turns around and looks out the window of the office towards the main building. No one was here yet but the place still felt so full. Full of love, laughter and creativity.
‘I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life and I’m petrified that I’ll never know but… I’m sure about one thing” he lets out a deep breath, swallowing and then taking another breath in. He turns back to her, his heart beating faster than he can keep up with.
“I’m sure about you Y/N”
Y/N slowly steps around the desk towards him, so the only thing between her and Terence is the air they’re breathing
“I like that you challenge me and make me feel brave enough to figure myself out. That you tell me off when I’m an idiot” he steps closer and she takes him in wide eyed. “You make me laugh and I love being around you, a person shouldn’t enjoy working as much as I do but that’s purely because of you”
She lets out a choked laugh holding out her hand for Terence to take and he does. Holding her gently and caressing his fingers against her skin.
“You are the breath of fresh air I needed. I like you Y/N, so much” he confesses, bringing her hand up to his mouth to kiss “I’m sorry I was too scared to admit this earlier”.
She uses her free hand to grab the back of his neck and bring him down to her lips. They’re soft and she tastes so good it makes his head spin. Whatever he was thinking about before this, vanishes from his mind.
“Thank you for finally coming around and letting me in” Y/N says softly running her thumb across his cheek, sucking on her bottom lip as she thinks about kissing him again.
Terence beams down at her wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer “I’m glad I did”
the words are on the tip of my tongue but i cant seem to get them out. i can say that i hate you but i cant describe what that means, other than the fact i cant stand the sight of you but i still have our polaroid on my wall, i cant speak your name but i still look for it in my notifications, i want to delete your contact but what if one day you need me or worse i need you? its the fact my life is better now and i want you to see it but i dont want to see yours. i can say that i hate you but maybe i just hate myself, because i dont think we ever treated eachother as good as we deserved. and maybe im just jealous that you were brave enough to leave first.
i dont think i resent you anymore because i realise the space you made with your absence allowed me to love me and love life again.i now have the time to reflect on my gains rather than my losses and speak truthfully without lacing my tongue with barbed wire. i dont envy your new life without me because life without you shines. it turns out all i needed was space you never gave me to grow.
i am flush with fury, choking on the words begging to come out. i want to be loved, i want to be desired, i want someone to be goddamn honest with me. im clawing at my skin ripping it apart wanting to scream just tell me, just tell me the truth. am i this unloveable? am i this fucking crazy?
description; established (almost more than) friendship w Adrian Pucey (fluff!) every year on Christmas day a mistletoe forms over two people that like each other word count: 900 A/N: mistletoe idea credit to someone on tiktok from two years ago! its stuck with me since. merry christmas!
The wind is cold and crisp forcing you to hug your winter coat closer as you walk the corridor. You take a spot looking out into the courtyard as little snow flakes begin to trickle from the sky covering the grass with fresh snow. All month you gushed over the snow and told everyone you just hoped it would snow on the big day and here it was; as beautiful as ever.
Every day closer to Christmas the laughter got louder and the atmosphere got cosier as people began to appreciate the friends around them who now almost felt like family. People jumped in excitement to be reunited with their parents and siblings whilst the others made plans to stay at Hogwarts. Including you. Hogwarts was decorated from floor to ceiling. Christmas trees, tinsel and glitter charmed to float the hallways making the already magical school somehow more so.
However no one warned you about the mistletoes. They were charmed to form above two people who liked each other on Christmas day. Which had already started a few awkward conversations between Daphne Greengrass and Terence Higgs who sat next to each other at breakfast this morning. Clueless of the mistletoe formed above their heads until Fred Weasley walked past echoing an ‘oooooooo’ throughout the great hall.
You had effectively avoided being in the same room as Neville Longbottom, who you got told had a slight crush on you. You weren’t to keen on disappointing the guy because you had your eyes on some one else.
‘Hey’ someone says from behind you before you can feel their presence next to you. Arms almost touching. ‘Looks like you got your wish huh?’
Humming in response, a smile forming on your lips ‘It’s even prettier on the day don’t you think?’ you say turning to look up at them.
Adrian Pucey, his stunning. Always was and always has been. Coat spotted with small white snowflakes and hair already bit messy due to the wind but he still looked well put together. He always put on such a cold exterior to fit into the rest of his Slytherin friends but underneath he was soft. He didn’t talk much in crowds but he observed. It made him seem distant and uninterested but he cared, he just didn't know how to express it.
After partnering up for potions you didn’t think you’d end up getting as close to him as you did. At first it was the small smiles and quiet questions. Then to your hands touching while passing tools, inside jokes and Hogsmeade trips. He had quickly and easily become someone you wanted to always be around.
‘Oh I got you something’ He mumbled ruffling through his jacket pocket.
‘Hey we promised no gifts’ you frown automatically feeling bad about having nothing on hand.
He shrugs handing over a small box ‘I know, merry christmas’
You look at the box then back at him with an expression of ‘I feel bad I cant take this’ but he just nods to the present ‘open it’.
Hesitantly you do open it and a beautiful floral designed silver heart locket stares at you. Your eyes shoot back to Adrian ‘Is this from that store in Hogsmeade? The one I pointed at half tipsy off butterbeer?’ you can hear him laugh ‘yes it is’ as you fiddle to open it.
Inside was a picture Colin Creevey had taken of you both at Daphnes birthday party earlier that school year. You were comfortably squished up against each other after a drunk Pansy sprawled out next to you on the couch. The picture moves showing you both red faced smiling at each other and posing for the camera shortly after.
‘I put a random picture inside but you can change it to whatever you like’
‘Why would I want to change it?’ you question closing the locket ‘its perfect’
You begin to move your hair to one side and lift the chain up to him. He takes it. The chains cold around your neck and you shiver standing up a bit straighter. You can feel his finger tips graze your skin lightly making your heart beat just a tad faster. You hope the rush of heat to your cheeks isn't showing as bad as you think it is.
Adrian releases the chain and you turn to smile softly at each other while you fiddle with the necklace. He gently places his hand on top of yours brushing over the locket to gaze at it. You stare at his face, heart sinking into your chest. His so close you can see the lines and creases on his face. He looks pleased with a slight tinge of red on his cheeks. He carefully lets go and you stare at each other briefly before both looking away embarrassed for being so close.
‘I have to go send a letter to my parents but I’ll see you at lunch?’
‘I’ll be there. Try not to slip on the owlery stairs, I don’t want to spend Christmas looking after your broken back’ you joke before pausing to look at the locket in your hand ‘and thanks I love it’
‘I’m glad you like it, you did drag me drunk all the way from three broomsticks just to show me’ Adrian recalls as he starts slowly walking away.
‘HEY you had fun don’t even try deny it’ you yell back and you see him nod and wave you off jokingly.
Smiling as you watch him greet others while walking down the corridor and out of sight. As quickly as you remember to look, the mistletoe’s already disappeared from above your heads. Maybe they’ll get you at lunch, or maybe you wont need them.
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