lsu-election
By Alex North, reporting from Unseen HQ
Last night in Louisiana State University’s Unseen, photos began to circulate that suggest Mayor Snail’s engagement in an extra-marital and inter-species affair with a poodle. With the mayoral election scheduled for this Friday, Nov. 21, the news has incited speculation as to whether the incumbent will be reelected.
The mayor initially denied the allegations of infidelity made by a private investigator, unintentionally prompting his spurned lover to come forth with confirmation that the she and Mayor Snail had indeed been romantically involved.
The cuckqueaned Mrs. Snail has since hired a lawyer and is moving forward with divorce proceedings, fighting for full custody of their children and the majority of her husband’s fortune.
Representing Mrs. Snail is Attorney Rabbit, who yesterday addressed the public with the statement: “I will make it my mission to destroy what’s left of Mayor Snail’s political career and ensure that Mrs. Snail receives reparations for the years of neglect and emotional abuse he has subjected her to.”
Despite having only one term as Mayor under his belt, the eloquent and charismatic mollusc had won great popularity among his constituents, instituting policies to improve the quality of LSU’s Unseen.
Some citizens feel that this personal act of treachery could make the mayor ethically unfit to hold office. The polls suggest, however, that the majority of the public feels that Mayor Snail’s private infidelities do not necessarily influence his effectiveness as a political leader.
“There is a distinction between politics and personal life,” a concerned citizen going by Blue Rocket stated. "Mayor Snail is a fine political leader but obvi [sic] a terrible husband.”
The political controversy sparked by the incriminating photos has encouraged other Unseen politicians who previously did not stand a chance against the well-loved incumbent to step up their campaigns for Friday’s mayoral election.
One such candidate is the hitherto unknown Dr. Sphincternoodle. The candidate has vocally condemned the mayor’s infidelities since they came to light, calling the incumbent “a third rate political candidate with lousy morals and incompetent employees.”
Mayor Snail, however, does not appear to feel threatened by the emergence of political rivals. Following Sphincternoodle’s demand that he resign from office, the mayor issued a statement making clear that he had no intention of stepping down and mocking his opponent for campaigning beside a roll of toilet paper.
Voting opens Friday, Nov. 21 at 8am CST and closes at midnight. Unseen will be live-tweeting coverage of Friday's election under the hashtag #LSUmayor2014. Watch for developments on Unseen’s official Twitter, @GetUnseen.