#luciadelbray

[ichikun]

i just drew a blank on my friend’s tumblr url bc they just changed it and without thinking i typed “nicole.tumblr.com” as if i could just yell at the address bar to take me to nicole’s blog and it would work

[muckkles]

luciadelbray

 “luciadelbray  luciadelbray...”

to work backwards it's sort of like, there's always going to be a sort of deference (or accounting heavily for parents' expectations and family harmony), but building up a bond of trust btwn ur family and the people ur going with and giving back to the family and engaging with them *should* improve the odds of family not being disapproving of a car trip or night out clubbing if that makes sense? there *is* no deadline, is much much more gradual and based on  different criteria. when there is 0 way to sway a parent's opinion at all and no way to establish any bonds of trust that's when u get things like "u don't live with me but don't go to publix or else" (living w family as an adult is a whole other deal tbh there's an entirely different dynamic and it's much harder to exert the kind of freedom and independence living alone might entail) there might be some conflict (i've certainly had issues) and i certainly don't mean to imply that your friends are wrong or their experiences are invalid and it sucks they have to deal with that but it's just much much more complicated than "this is wrong and you just have to stop letting parents tell you what to do"

i do agree that this is more complicated than i originally made it seem and everyones situation is gonna be different. idk if this was clear in my posts but ive experienced living with my parents as an adult as well as living independently and i had the same amount of freedom either way. i respect ur experience as well, i just dont kno if i’ll ever rly understand fully? like its hard for me to conceptualize like. me as an adult hearing another adult tell me im not allowed to go on a trip and on top of that, obeying them. or me caring at all what they think even if they just said they disapprove. i mean i guess i’ve asked my parents for advice on big decisions like big expenditures before but in the end it was always my choice. 

to you, does asking for your parents approval on things like this feel restrictive or is it just like an every day inconvenience or do u consider it like a respect thing? and like. hypothetically say ur still living w/ ur parents when ur 30 but u have ur own salary income and everything would you still be asking for their permission to go on trips? i guess i would get it better if it was just performative or if it was understood that u didnt /have/ to ask but u just did anyway out of habit or respect since u live w/ ur parents. but i rly dont get like. there being a Real power structure in place there i guess. and it might be that i’ll never understand that cuz i just wasnt raised that way

[muckkles]

luciadelbray

  luciadelbray replied to your post “as soon as a...

idk i can’t even IMAGINE going on a car trip without my parents explicit approval so. difference in perspective. might make plans tricky but it brings a lot of complex feelings wrt to the parental relationship that have a lot of components fueling it

yea it could be cultural differences and also just differences in our parents personalities and parenting styles. ive had more than one person message me about how their parents shifted from outright denying them the freedom to go places as teenagers to just heavily guilt tripping them into not going places as adults. i just wont ever be able to comprehend that cuz theres no way my parents would ever do something like that and it seems to cause a lot of problems for my friends and the ppl messaging me with regards to like their emotional/mental health and relationship skills. 

and i guess my main question is like, when is that part of ur life supposed to end? like what would be the age to u and/or ur parents where ur parents would be ok with u just going places without asking permission or telling them every detail. cuz it cant last forever

[muckkles]

luciadelbray replied to your post “as soon as a i graduated high school my parents let me come and go as...”

I def think there's a cultural component to it, esp with regards to how kids perceive their relationship to their parents, duty to family, and role in the household. Me and the other latinx kids I know would definitely think twice before outright defying a parent or refusing the litany of questioning ("adónde vas/con quién/cuándo vas a volver a casa/etc") bc the structure of the household is much more clear cut and families are bigger (maybe there's another reason but that's my onion)

there probably is cultural things to it but i also kno white ppl whos parents are like this too and it like. rly interferes with me trying to make plans with them when, from my perspective, it shouldnt be an issue. i guess i just rly cant wrap my mind around it cuz my parents are the complete opposite and if they behaved in a way like. trying to control where i went and stuff like. i actually cant even imagine it. the last thing my parents care about since i graduated high school is keeping tabs on me. if i called my mom and asked for her permission to go on my usual 2 hour drive to athens or something she would be like “why the hell are u telling me this go have fun and be safe i guess?” but i have 20+ y/o friends here in town who like cant even drive across town without an interrogation and sometimes a curfew

[angry-beibers]

/sees these 12 hours later/ thank you guys you're the best