so i just turned 20
i’ve finally reached the second decade of my life and i hope that the future will hold good things
the majority of this year so far has been a long healing process for me and a lot of self reflection and thinking
exiting a long term relationship in which i was so emotionally invested in was absolutely a huge change for me and it came with a lot of internal pain and intense doubt
i was hit with a huge blow towards my self esteem and general confidence in almost every aspect of myself because the emotional pain of ending such a committed relationship was very difficult for me, despite knowing i had to do it for quite some time
the reality of things hadn’t quite hit for me at the time and it slowly hit over the course of summer vacation
i still get pangs of pain whenever i see something that reminds me of her or whenever random memories resurface, which i think is normal and to be expected as long as i’m not drowning myself in the past and “what ifs” and various other hypothetical situations, imagining myself in a place that is not meant for me anymore
but i think i’m in a better space now, i’m in a better place now for me to collect myself and really focus on my work, my career, and my ambitions in life
i’m slowly moving on and shedding bits and pieces of the emotional baggage that i’ve been carrying
i’m filling my life with new friends and new friendly faces and i have the opportunity to meet a vast array of talented and kind human beings
of course it’ll never completely go away but it was a huge learning experience for me that i hope to be able to use to improve myself as a lover, but most importantly, as a human being
i usually don’t type out all of this stuff but i figured i needed to make a diary sort of entry to collect my thoughts and sort things out
i feel good about the future right now. i’m going to make good things happen.