MDNI. This blog usually is safe, but I'm kinda needing to talk about something now, please, if you're a minor just skip it. There's nothing explicit, but it has some random thoughts about me and my relation with sex.
So, for start... I like sex. I really do. I wish I was a person that could see someone and just "wow, let's do it". But this isn't me. Sure, I feel attacked by other people appearances, but there's the thing... Just this can't maintain my attention, just how someone looks like, I get bored. I need to get to know them and that's the tricky part because once I know things will shift.
If that person isn't someone good, if they're disrespectful, disappointing, the appearance starts to shift from attractive to ugly. Someone can easily go from handsome as hell to disgusting because of their behavior.
And if that person is lovely, nice, respectful, she can easily get so much more attractive to me. I start to feel more and more into them. And the more I get to know them, the more I like what I see, the more I become horny about their attitude.
I don't like to talk about sex all the time and to talk just about it. It's kinda disappointing when I start to know someone and we get to the sex talk and then it's all about this. It kinda makes me want to go away, lose interest. Mostly dudes lost me because of that behavior.
When I'm talking to you, I want to know you, I want to hear about your day, I want to feel a connection. I need this to be able to be wet for you, goddamnit.
And this is so frustrating because I also am part of the BDSM community, but I can't just be your sub or domme if I don't know you. I won't get in the mood, I won't feel much desire. I wish I could, but I don't.
It's like... For years I watched marvel movies and was "yeah, that's nice" and then moving away. I didn't look about it, it was just some movie. I liked Loki and Dr Strange, but that was it. Until my friend convinced me to watch thunderbolts on the release with her. I liked with Yelena, Bucky and all the psychology behind the movie so I started to look about the movie.
Then I started to see more about Bucky, the history behind him, relating with some things. He started to grow in my heart and because of him I wanted to know more about Sebastian Stan. I didn't knew he also made OUAT and he was actually one of the characters I liked the most. When I was looking about him, I saw how he treated his fans, how dedicated he was to his characters and that made me love him and Bucky more. I became OBSESSED because of this, I made a promise to myself to live and give him my book one day. Sebastian Stan and Bucky became my beacon of hope.
This example shows how much knowing someone is important to me. I liked Tom Hiddleston, Orlando Bloom and so many more actors and actresses, but I didn't had that pull to search about them. Knowing about Sebastian's career, how he's open about his mental state, about him doing therapy, about how he treats others... All this made me love him and Bucky.
So... Yeah, to feel comfortable to fuck with you, really want fuck with you and do all the crazy things I'm into and I'm willing to try with you, I need to know you. And it isn't always about falling in love!!! I can just be your friend, know you, feel attracted and feel comfortable with doing everything. I can have a BDSM contract with you without a couple relationship, but I need to know you.
And no, this isn't about someone specific, I was just reflecting about how it works for me since I'm 28 now. I start to feel more reflective around my birthday and that was one of the main themes.
