Luke skywalker x reader
Find Love
Summary : you are in love with Luke but you are way too afraid of losing him.
Content/warnings : FLUFF, angst, fear of someone's death
Finding love was a pretty difficult thing in this world. Or rather, it was difficult to live with the prospect of losing it at any moment.
You had found love. In truth, your heart had found someone to love. The worst was that your brain also loved him.
You hated that idea. You had always done everything to get away from love and yet you were fooled.
He was nice and at first glance not your style. He was cute, yes, but nothing more. That was your mistake. You saw him as a friend. You got to know him and little by little your heart started to beat faster. You blushed and he had become the most beautiful man you had ever seen.
You were screwed. Completely screwed.
Luke Skywalker was his name. What could be worse than loving the man who had the most chance of dying among all those present in the rebel base where you were. You felt like you were playing a bad trick to yourself.
***
Sitting in the refectory, your breakfast in front of you, he quickly joined you.
"Y/n, ready to hear the rest of my story.
- Luke. Maybe later." Your quick smile and fleeting looks confused him a moment before he decided to act as if he had seen nothing.
"Why? I thought you were passionate about it."
- I am." It was too much the case.
He did not insist and began to eat in silence. Furtively your eyes passed from his hair, to his eyes, to his lips. Even the way his clothes fell on his shoulders. And you end up forcing yourself to focus on your own meal.
Even his attitude was perfect. You didn’t have to say anything, he understood and he kept you company, in silence. He was right there and didn’t expect anything in return. You could feel a heat in your chest. You wanted it to go away.
Your breakfast finished, his breakfast finished long before yours. He took your tray with his before you could protest.
Unconsciously you just waited for him to come back to you, which he immediately did holding out his arm that you bound to yours.
"What’s going on? He asked softly, almost whispering as you walk in the corridors, aimlessly.
- I don’t know. You said just as softly
- You are lying
- No." You may suddenly feel a sweet worry, so sweet that you know it's not your own.
"Luke." He plunged his blue eyes into yours by asking you through them to talk. "I’m not ready." He lowered his head a moment before looking forward.
"Can I at least do something?
You hesitated before saying those words, but, taking your courage in both hands, you did.
- Yes, leave me, please." He had both stopped you in the middle of your path, turning to you, now holding your arm with his hand.
"Am I the problem? He did not understand, you never asked him to go away from you, even for a moment.
- No. I just need to be alone." Smiling gently, you watch him shake his head with concern before deciding to greet him and cut off the touch of his hand on your arm. You still allow yourself a kiss on his cheek that you enjoyed too much before walking away. Leaving him alone, you look away from him.
***
That day seemed very long. You wondered too much how to see him as a friend. Losing a friend would not be any less painful but at least you could save yourself the pain of mourning a future together, as a team.. as a family.
Every person you spoke to that day seemed bland compared to him. All except R2-D2, who was not exactly a person and who therefore confirm the boredom you had felt.
Sitting in this small room, in front of R2, you take care of cleaning him while he talks incessantly, filling the place with those little noises that you had always found adorable. He was very funny and you’re laughing while focusing on your job. But you’re soon joined by someone else.
"You’re adorable when you laugh." And you stop laughing. You hear his footsteps as he comes to sit next to you.
"I asked you to leave me." The more he came back, the harder it would be to get him to leave.
"I know, normally I would have but I feel that if I go away, I will lose you. You feel his eyes looking at you as your movements become less and less precise. This leads R2 to complain.
- Excuse me, R2." He doesn’t seem to forgive you, and you see the little droid leaving saying that you are no longer focused, and even there he is adorable.
The silence comes back. You’re just the two of you and it’s way too intimate.
"You’re not going to lose me. You tell him as he shakes his head.
- In a way, yes. I don’t know which one. But I do. You can feel the tone of his voice change, he knows how to control his fear, but he still feels it.
- It can be a good thing. And you’re finally looking at him.
- What do you mean?
- I want to part with something, you’ll see it will be better for both of us. He doesn’t seem convinced.
- And.. What is it? You remain silent before giving him a sweet smile.
- Something that hurts too much."
You see in his eyes that he doesn’t understand anything. He doesn’t know what to think. Must he trust you or seek to know? But he knows he can do nothing to change your mind. Gently he put his hand on your shoulder.
"I’d really like you to talk to me. His hand moves on your neck and you can feel his thumb caressing the bottom of your cheek. You know how I feel about you. You can tell me anything.
- No, I don’t know anything, Luke." You say before you part with his contact, again and leave the room, leaving him alone.
***
You always assumed that your feelings were mutual. Your relationship was always ambiguous, which led you to flee it even more. But now he had put words, he had evoked his feelings.
You didn’t want to see him anymore. Every time you saw him, you went somewhere else. As far as you could. And everyone could see how sad he was.
He was the sunshine of the base with an innumerable dose of love and you always had a rather cold, distant personality. It wasn’t long before some people asked you questions to find out what had happened. Or rather to find out what you had done. It was asked with great kindness but it still hurted you.
Your routine had changed. Which made Luke never know where you were. He didn’t even see you at mealtimes, worried about whether you were eating enough. He was looking for you all the time. He had obligations but at every moment he hoped to see your figure.
You were master in the art of discretion, you hide without problems but you could not hide from his words. They were spinning in your head all the time.
You hated having so little control of yourself. But soon a situation forced you to be in the same room as him
You were the best fighter, the best shooter. A famous former headhunter (which you never mentioned, it was not your greatest pride) and you never hesitated to help others improve their levels. New recruits arrived. We needed your services.
Soon all the base knew you were every day with the new ones. And day after day you soon saw Luke watching on the doorstep. He didn’t talk to you. He trusted you. But he needed to see you.
You could feel his eyes filled with admiration as you set an example. Your students sometimes tried to integrate him, after all he was a jedi, he aroused attention but he stayed behind, for you.
One evening while your disciples were leaving and he was about leaving too, you held him back. He advanced towards you, calm.
"You can’t do that. You tell him as he looked at you intrigued
- Do what?
- Stay here. You may not talk to me, but you’re still there. You were losing patience, he could see it.
- I’m doing the best I can.
- So do more! He saw the anger in your eyes and he kept perfectly calm despite the pain you made him feel. You hated yourself for it.
- I understood what you want to part with." Of course he understood. "But I don’t understand why."
- If you are standing back because you accepted, you do not need to understand. You started to put away the equipment while he followed you at a reasonable distance.
- I don’t accept it. But I can’t force you. I'm just making sure I can keep looking after you. Let you know I’m here."
You sighed as you turned to him. Even knowing that you did not want to love him. That you rejected his love. He had only one thing in mind. Look after you. You felt tears coming up and you saw the worry on his face as he approached you.
You quickly wiped your eyes with your sleeve.
"It’s all right," you said abruptly, stepping back. "I’m fine, now go." He just looked at you for a moment before accepting.
"Okay. But know that I don’t want to lose a second with you. You make me feel alive."
You weren’t looking at his blue eyes for a few seconds but you could feel the feeling of love he had sent into you.
You felt it. He loved you. So hard. Your eyes closed as you heard him go, leaving you alone.
***
It was night. And you couldn’t sleep. Everything turned over and over in your mind, in your body. You wanted to vomit.
Standing up you found yourself sitting on the edge of your bed drinking the largest possible sip of water. You felt dehydrated, your body absorbed everything through your tension.
No one had ever made you feel so much love. And he made you feel his, he loved you as much as you loved him. Why wasn’t he afraid?
Cause you make him feel alive
You got up hastily, your feet on the cold ground you left your room, crossing the corridors with your heavy steps you arrived at his door. And once in front, you got stuck, not daring to touch it until it opened by itself.
"Come in" And that’s what you did. The door closed behind you as he lit his bedside lamp. He hadn’t slept either, it was obvious. He got up and his sleepwear made him even more attractive if it was possible.
"Why aren’t you afraid? You were frantic in the way you asked your question and he started smiling.
- Afraid of what?"
- To love me and then to lose me?
- I’m terrified of it." He said calmly, understanding now what you were afraid of. "But I think the regret of not loving you terrifies me even more." You stared at him, recording what he said to you." And, I am a jedi, I control my fear. He added with a little laugh that made you smile.
- Does that mean that, if I could control the force, I would be a sith?" Did you ask what made him laugh harder. You loved making him laugh. "My joke is not too controversial?" Which made him laugh even more before he looked at you with love.
"You can still choose the good side of the force." And at the end of that sentence he looked at you seriously. He seriously wanted you to do it, he wanted you to love him.. so much.
Face to face you stared at him and you could feel every moments, every words, every feelings going through you and you felt yourself resisting less and less. He was right. You knew. You had to control your fear.
You looked at every aspect of his face. And you couldn’t resist. You wanted him. With all your heart. With all your body.
You rushed to him and put your lips on his as his arms wrapped around your body. His fingers were sinking into your skin.
You clung desperately to him. Too much had been repressed, you needed him, to feel him.
Your hands reached his hair as his passed under the fabric of your nightgown to feel your skin, making you shiver.
"I love you" he manages to say between two kisses that led you breathless. Appreciating what he had just said, you stop for a moment and quickly see the fear in his eyes. Was he going too fast?
You start smiling at him, reassuring him and leaning to give him a tender kiss.
"I love you too"
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Lots of love ❤️