✘ //you knew it was coming
Stop writing. Stop reaching, stop wondering, stop asking, stop inquiring.
I know it’s probably too much to ask, I know it’s not in your nature but I promise you I won’t change my mind. I won’t change a thing. I won’t go back to you and I won’t give any further explanations, because you and I are done. I don’t owe you anything and I’m sticking to my right to stay silent towards this.
I’m sick of your letters.
I’m sick of your sentences, sick of your words and sick of your pleas. Every line you write goes directly into my heart, and you already know that. It’s not fair, Anthony. It’s not fair for me, it’s not fair for you, it’s not fair for anyone to use that power against a situation that’s out of our reach.
Words are better than reality itself, you know I’ve always said that. Words go through us and like a lovely seed, words go deep inside and make a nest in our brains and made us wonder of a world of “what ifs” and “should haves”. Those words made us wonder, we liked to imagine different scenarios for us, making our own crystal castles and staying there in a blissful atmosphere in the clouds but things had changed.
I’m writing you to stop that nest from growing, I’m writing you to stop because I know that at the tiniest glimpse of hope, you’ll keep going, as you have always had. I’m writing, mostly, to get you out of those castles and built new ones without me in them.
Words can be worse than blades. They can also go through us, like a bullet to the heart and can make us stop wondering, shattering all the crystal castles we had built in our minds. I want to shatter those castles, I need to do it so you can keep going without me.
Anthony, I’m doing this for you. I’m doing this because I can’t stand the idea of a world without you in it. I’d rather see you alive than call you mine. Life is so complicated right now, Anthony. I’m not sure of how things should be anymore, I’m not sure of who I am or who I want to be anymore but what I do know is that you are the most amazing being I’ve been blessed to meet. You are wonderful in every way and I know you are meant for something greater than we can all imagine.
On the other side, people are taking sides, people are being tortured in the name of a cause and I know my origins would put you in risk. I’m not letting that happen. I’m not taking away the opportunity of a future from you. Have you heard the voices in the corridors at night? there’s a war rising and they are coming after us, the mudbloods. It’s dangerous and that’s why I’m not there.
Anthony, I beg of you: Stop writing. Stop reaching, stop wondering, stop asking, stop inquiring. Stay safe, stay alive, stay...yourself.
This is my last letter to you with the hope that one day I overhear your name in the streets and know you made it. That you made it and that you finally built your own castle and it’s way more beautiful that the one we could have built together.
At the end of the day, Anthony, I love you and I’ll always will. That’s why I’m writing this final line to remind you that loving someone means placing them before you and that’s what I’m doing.
I don’t hope you understand but I just hope that, when years pass and things are better again, you can think of me and the memory would bring you joy.
