#lv ask

[wings-of-a-storm]

This is literally just a general thought with very little analysis, so if you have any more in-depth thoughts on it I'd be happy to hear them, but I can't but feel like maybe Benji was afraid of being a "basketball boyfriend" partly because of the way the team was already treating Victor, and then it just happened to work out that Benji came around to the idea and started supporting Victor at the same time the team did. Any thoughts?

Hi there! Honestly, thank you so much for popping over and asking this question because it is something I have actually been thinking about a lot lately!

I think Benji absolutely was afraid of being a 'basketball boyfriend'. Not for the label itself but for the environment he would be exposed to.

To start with, it is canon that Benji has been the target of casual homophobia around Creekwood High. There are two incidents we already know of. Remember this charming event that took place all the way back in 1x01?

Benji saw a bunch of jocks bullying Victor, recognised him as the new student with gorgeous eyes and cool kicks, and came over to help him. As soon as Victor accepted his help standing up, an onlooker catcalled them with "Owh owh! Get it new kid!" simply because Victor touched Benji's hand. Like Benji had gay cooties. Even Felix warned Victor that Benji was gay in case Victor didn't want to be associated with that label...

And now in 2x03 we learn of this incident occurring:

Who knows how many times Benji has been the target of these kinds of aggressions on a day to day basis at school.

Add in jocks, who are notorious for this kind of behaviour in high school. (We saw them throwing someone's backpack around in S2, even.) And Benji is absolutely scathing of them for it. ("You play sports, which is not exactly the most evolved group you could be a part of." / "Victor is in the early stages of jock recovery. He just escaped the cult of cheap body spray and casual misogyny.")

So yep, in summary, I think the last place Benji would ever want to be in is the lion's den of jock turf. He doesn't respect jock behaviour, he's probably had run-ins with them in the past, and he just isn't into sport. He's a creative boy who likes his music and art. And let's face it, there is kind of a tribal disconnect between sporty kids and creative kids in some high school environments. Benji prides himself on being more evolved than the beer-guzzling sports crowd. He's erm a bit pretentious. But I still love him.

And even though Benji was clearly in the wrong when he made those highly insensitive, cruel, judgmental 'jokes' about jocks in front of Victor, I give him so much kudos for reflecting on his own behaviour, not making excuses for it in his apology, going out of his way to prove in action how much he meant his apology, and actually turning up to that basketball game in the lions den on his own without mates to keep him company or lessen his discomfort.

Go Grizzlies! ;)

[leithal-voltage]

Your kallura art is the light of my life

Thank youuuu, ahaha i just love them so much

(wish I could always post as much as I did today)

[wings-of-a-storm]

I have a question. My favorite character is obviously Benji, but this season I started to get an ultimate rancidity of him.In the end I understood why he was acting like this, he has a PTSD because of dating Derek, his parents shitting him and alcohol and the accident. It's about the accident I wanted to know about, I didn't quite understand what this accident was and why he started drinking. I get upset that Benji's story is the least explored in the series, in my opinion, it should be explored more

Sorry for late reply to this, Anon! I know a few others already replied to this but I figure I’d still add my take into the mix for you. :)

I think many of us share your frustrations about Benji’s story being drip fed to us instead of being looked at more deeply. It’s a very interesting history so I really hope that in season three we might actually get a more decent look at it…

BENJI’S HISTORY / WHY HE STARTED DRINKING:

Throughout both seasons we learn that Benji has struggled with mental health.

In the most simplest of summaries: Benji struggled with internalised homophobia -- he hated himself for being homosexual and fought against it. He even experimented sexually with girls (which he briefly mentioned in S1), but in the end, he couldn’t deny that he was gay. But acknowledging he was gay and being able to accept it are two different things. He hated being gay.

In order to cope with that self-hatred and fear, he turned to alcohol to dull his reality and in turn everything he felt. He’s still learning to like himself even now in season two.

In Benji’s own words: “Before I came out, I was kind of a mess. I knew I was gay but I didn't want to be. So I drank. A lot. (1x07)” And: “Coming out was really hard for me, Victor. And it is still hard for me to be who I am. (1x05)”

BENJI’S CAR ACCIDENT:

Benji said that when he was younger, he drank 'a lot'. From that statement alone we can infer that he knew he was drinking more than his peers were. Most likely that went beyond social drinking -- he was probably also drinking by himself at any opportunity.

There is an age limit for drinking for good reason: our brains don’t fully develop until we are in our twenties, and as such, when we are younger we are more likely to make riskier choices. Adding alcohol into the mix is just asking for trouble -- as Benji found out when, one night, severely inebriated, he lost control of his vehicle (or misjudged his surroundings) and drove through/into a building. “One night I got super wasted and decided that I wanted Wendys real bad. So I took my Dad's car to the drive thru and that's exactly what I did -- drove through the Wendys. (1x07)”

That is some serious stuff right there! On so many levels!

Firstly the physical toll: he ‘totalled’ his dad’s car. To have a car written off as too smashed to be driven, that car had a huge impact! And not surprising since Benji said he drove through the building. Whether that was through glass or a into a sturdy wall, to crunch up the metal of his car, that is a massive hit. We don’t know the extent of his injuries (he just said he was ‘banged up’) but we do know that he was at the very least knocked unconscious and/or had a head injury from it (“Waking up in the hospital with my parents standing over me…” 1x07).

Secondly, the emotional toll: when Benji gained consciousness and woke up in hospital, he said he “realised that I could have died." (1x07) That is a very frightening thing to confront -- your mortality. It spooked him enough that it was the catalyst for his Coming Out. He didn’t want to die without “ever really being who I was” (1x07); to have only lived his life as a lie and not known his true self…

Most of us, I’d wager, haven’t had to confront our mortality at such a young age -- like truly confront it after going through a life-threatening experience. In that sense, he is on a different level to his peers and Victor -- a big part of his innocence has been broken and re-formed.

There is more to the emotional toll though -- not explicitly mentioned in canon but pretty much common sense:

The pain of recovery in hospital and at home (whatever “banged up” means, he was injured in some way)

The guilt of knowing his actions could have caused innocent people to have been hurt or killed. No one was hurt, he said, but just knowing they could have been is a really heavy thing to have on your conscience.

The stress of dealing with insurance (for the Wendys, for the car). He would have had to burden his parents with sorting that all out.

Police would have been involved to investigate the incident and lay charges. That’s pretty darn scary.

Losing his licence and thus part of his independence

Seeing the physical damage of the Wendys if he ever went past it again -- knowing he had done it, knowing he had been in the car that made that damage and reliving the knowledge he could have killed himself…

He was so ashamed by it all, he didn’t want anyone at school knowing about the accident or about his drinking that caused it. In 1x07 the school still didn’t know so he really guarded that secret hard.

There’s just so much heaviness linked to that accident. And Benji has only had one year to process all of that. On some level, that stuff has got to linger.

THE INITIAL AFTERMATH:

We learn that after the car accident, Benji was in an ever worse state of mind than when he was drinking his life away before it. His mother reveals: “After your car accident last year you were so hard on yourself and things were pretty dark for a while there. And you decided to put in the hard work [to go to AA and get better]. (2x07)”

Referring to Benji's post-accident self as being in 'a pretty dark place' is a pretty big alarm bell. His mental health sounds like it was pretty much destroyed. It is so hard to rebuild yourself after falling into such a dark well, but over the year he must have pulled himself back from the brink. That is so, so heavy!

It’s hard to gauge whether Benji chose to go to AA himself (which seems to be implied), or whether it was a condition of his charge through the police, but he went there none-the-less to change his life and learn healthier coping mechanisms to handle stress/his inner conflicts.

Something else worth noting is that, timeline-wise (as messy as that always is in LV), Benji was dating Derek through all of this. His one year anniversary with Derek was in S1 but his one year sobriety was only in S2. Who knows how that would have complicated things. He wasn’t Out to his parents or anyone but he was dating a (adult) man. So he was simultaneously hating that he was gay and drinking his mind blank but still dating a man. That is a super stressful and conflicting dichotomy that he was dealing with in amongst all this… (“It is still hard for me to be who I am.” 1x05)

THE MOST IMPORTANT INSIGHT FROM BENJI’S DRINKING AND AA:

It is so important to take time and realise what being in AA means about Benji: as a young teen, Benji self-medicated his way through his worsening mental health by drinking to handle stress and internalised homophobia. He didn’t have any proper methods of handling stressful situations. He is now having to unlearn those behaviours and learn new strategies through AA and his sponsor. But he has only been doing that for one year! That is a blip of time in the hourglass.

Now let’s look at the events of S2: Benji has been inundated with stress while still learning how to cope with it without drinking. And he’s had to learn and practise these new coping strategies while:

Being in high school

Holding down an assistant manager job

Watching his significant other being emotionally wrung out by his mother’s treatment of him; dealing with his own rejection and banishment from Isabel

Reliving both his own coming out stress and homophobic aggressions at school directed this time at his significant other

Trying to deal with the shame of being in AA and keeping that a secret from all of his peers at school

Like far out, that is a ton of stress! Anyone would crack under all of that, let alone a young and recovering alcoholic!

So yes, when faced with stressful situations, Benji is not always going to react in the right way or say the right things. He’s still learning how to do that with his sponsor and AA meetings. He might come off as ‘rancid’ in S2, but really he is just a kid who is struggling and trying to do his best.

[wings-of-a-storm]

One of the things I hate most about the way the love triangle was handled, other than the fact that it literally came out of nowhere, is the fact the writers decided to throw all these (real) relationship problems at Venji to give Victor the excuse to get close to someone else. Plus the fact that Rahim said he didn't mean to get between them, but he had no problem sweeping in and telling Victor how he felt and kissing him after witnessing Venji arguing. He saw his opportunity and he took it.

Anon, I love your passion.

To start with, yeh, I think it was a disservice to Victor and Benji to skip over a lot of their honeymoon period just because it was too smooth-sailing and not dramatic enough for television. To start the season focusing a lot on the outside forces making them sad and putting strain on their relationship pretty much biases people against Venji before they’ve had a fair chance to show their strengths. The average viewer isn’t going to spend time imagining the good stuff but will only focus on the emotions right in front of them -- the tough stuff. It gives an unbalanced perception that their relationship is just full of tension from the get-go. Throw us a bone, writers!

The Love Triangle:

Okay, to be fair to Vahim, I don’t think the love triangle completely came out of nowhere. The direction/camera-work did show us a lot of small breadcrumbs leading up to their day out, like prolonged stares and white privilege connection and Victor openly oogling Rahim’s naked torso. But that being said, an attraction to another human and a new friendship that covers a few areas that weren’t previously being covered does not automatically lead to a love triangle dilemma. It just means Victor has eyes and room for all sorts of friendships, you know? So in that sense, it did feel (for me) like the love triangle was kind of an over-the-top reaction for Victor once it eventually appeared…

I really feel you with the frustration of the writers throwing ‘challenges’ at Victor and Benji, not so they can work on them like all new couples, but to justify space for a third party to wiggle through for dramatic purposes…

Like, a few times the situations felt less like an organic occurrence and more like a plot device -- namely whenever Victor had to explain anything to Benji without actually explaining anything. The ‘lesbian aunt with a thing for dachshunds’ was meant to mean something obvious to Benji, same with Adrian referring to Benji as Victor’s ‘french toast’ as a sign of acceptance. Would Victor really be that continually obtuse as to explain things only via in-joke phrases that Benji obviously was never present for to de-code?? I kept having to suspend my disbelief for that level of ineptitude and vacancy…

I also had to suspend my disbelief for the climax of Victor’s dilemma in the final episode. Like, it is canon that Victor made a hell of a lot of deep and varied memories with Benji throughout season one, over the summer we never got to see much of between seasons, and then throughout season two (eg. the secret hand signal of epic sappiness that contained Benji’s patience and sacrifice and touched Victor enough to come out at school; the peaceful and meaningful I Love You exchanges in the early morning light, etc).

These were Moments and they happened over months. And yet we were meant to organically believe that the very recent memories with Rahim, as charismatic as he is, would be on equal footing with a developed relationship? Even just with memory recall, wouldn’t that be like short-term memory versus the deeper retention of long-term? So I could understand Victor’s confusion while he was still in shock/processing the kiss, but it felt a bit forced to have that lead to an actual Dilemma of who to choose that very night…

Rahim S2 VS Victor S1:

Ah yes, Rahim making his move was an interesting one… With only season two in mind, I confess I can’t really blame Rahim for making his move. He was longing to experience a relationship, he really connected with Victor, he saw Benji was probably prepping for a breakup and the time was near, and he is a romantic who saw his chance to confess his feelings instead of always regretting staying silent. And since he is a romantic, notions like ‘fate’ and ‘timing’ would inspire him to want to go for it in case it was fate that Benji and Victor were having problems because Rahim is The One meant for Victor. Like I totally get that mindset, especially in high school where anything feels possible.

But with season one in mind, where we had a parallel of this kind of moment with Victor in Rahim’s shoes, you obviously can’t help but compare Victor’s choices compared to Rahim’s. And yeh, I agree that Victor’s come off in a far better light -- Victor didn’t want to cause problems between Benji and Derek when he was forced to see the reality of the mess with Derek and Benji fighting in public. He didn’t want to put Benji through a ton of stress. He wanted Benji to be happy. So he stood in front of Derek, rather like an unarmed man facing a sword pointed at his throat, and defended Benji and tried to compliment Derek’s and Benji’s supposedly amazing relationship to patch things up. He then surrendered and left them alone to their relationship.

Rahim…didn’t do that. He didn’t try to chase after Benji to reassure him about the slow-dance despite knowing how sad Victor had been without Benji. In fact, he made it harder for Victor by escalating the unnamed thing between them right into cheating territory. And that sequence did rub me the wrong way because from my own experience, when you really like someone, like truly like them, you want them to be happy, even if that isn’t with you. You don’t want to get between them and the partner they are in love with and take that away from them. You feel all of that because the person you adore deserves the world, you know? And yeh, Victor did that for Benji but Rahim didn’t do that for Victor… (And Rahim saw Venji’s good moments together at school and envied them for it and photographed it, so he knew how happy they were together when they weren’t fighting so…no excuse, bro...)

I think you summed everything up nicely, Anon, with a simple but efficient: I hate it! XD

[wings-of-a-storm]

Thoughts on Benji in ep 6? I personally don't think Benij had anything to apologize for. I mean, sure, Vic was happy that his mom seemed to be making progress, but until the last episode, Benji never actually got to see any of that. All he did was hear about it from Vic, and what makes it worse is that it was directed at another gay guy, not Vic's boyfriend. I feel like throughout S2 Benji kept apologizing for things he shouldn't have just because Victor was hurt by it.

Oops, I covered some of this already in my previous ask! I do think Benji needed to apologise for so quickly pouring cold water on something that had given Victor joy and hope. While true that it’s dangerous to get your hopes up too much, it was something that was helping Victor cope in a time of anguish, so it was a little harsh to pull that away from him. But I also think Victor needed to apologise in return for dismissing Benji’s hurt and concern for Victor, which he had been experiencing for months at that point.

Throughout S2, I pretty much found myself watching a tennis match of valid arguments and counter-arguments. That’s what made them so hard to watch - both boys made good points even if sometimes their wording was a little out of line. Neither one in their arguments felt petty at the core and it revealed a lot of underlying issues that legitimately need to be worked on… (The AA argument in particular is a can of worms, which deserves its own post, to be honest.)

You mention 2x06 specially though so I must say: doesn’t it hurt the soul knowing that a lot of Benji’s underlying insecurities throughout the season would have been eased if Victor had thought to reassure him that he had actually been fighting for Benji’s rights directly to his mother behind the scenes?

Like the final argument in 2x06 could have been avoided if Victor wasn’t so rubbish at explaining stuff! *melodramatic scream*

Because the thing is Victor legitimately had made some great progress with his mother when he blasted her with his unadorned thoughts and frustrations outside the church! He even stood up for Benji and guilt-tripped her re: Benji not feeling welcome in Victor’s own home. But did he explain any of that to Benji? NO!!! His literal ONLY reassurance to Benji that he had made significant inroads with Isabel was: “She told me about her lesbian aunt who had a thing for dachshunds!”

Benji be all:

What is that supposed to mean, Victor? How is that helpful to Benji? How is that supposed to make sense? Why didn’t you even tell a full anecdote to at least give the boy some sort of context for your excitement?

And the biggest head-scratcher of all: why didn’t Victor even mention the incredibly important fact that he had taken a stand for Benji in specific? Is that not something Benji would have found incredibly uplifting to know? Why were dachshunds the superior take?

Victor, why are you like this, buddy? XD

[wings-of-a-storm]

When Victor says to Rahim that Benji "wasn't too thrilled that I told you about AA", I get so frustrated with him, because of course Benji wasn't happy about it. Victor told a virtual stranger, at least to Benji, about a part of Benji's life he's made clear he hates, is embarrassed by, & doesn't like talking about, & what's worse is Victor acknowledges more than once that he shouldn't have done it, but he still did it. If it wasn't for that, I don't think Benji would've suggested a break.

I've been thinking about this particular situation a lot, to be honest. I was nervous to put my feelings down on paper until now though because I wanted to try and be as fair as I could to human error. But…it’s kind of inescapable that Victor was in the wrong, so being ‘fair’ will have its limitations…

Okay, here are my serious feelings about all of this, so like, brace yourself.

LOOKING AT VICTOR’S POV -- THE GOOD AND THE BAD

The thing that sucks about this whole situation is that Victor telling Rahim about Benji’s drinking problem/mental health came from a good place. He was really worried about Benji -- the type of worry that takes over your every thought and you can’t shake it off no matter what you do. Victor has a huge heart. He was struggling with that worry and in a weak moment, in a room that gave the illusion of privacy, like a dark and secluded tunnel deep underground, he needed to express those feelings.

Another factor was that Victor's emotions were out of control because they had just been compounded by the shock of hearing Mia was leaving. That’s now two big shocks to process in a limited time. And as far as the Mia news goes, Victor would have wanted his boyfriend there to process it with him and comfort him. Like Victor has said in the past, he and Benji tell each other everything. And like Benji has recently said, Victor needs to talk things through a lot with Benji to unpack and process. Victor needed his boyfriend on his own emotional level but he didn’t know where he was and if he was doing okay and it was a lot to feel.

So on a human level, I do understand why Victor let slip a very personal secret at a time of overwhelming distress. I really want to make that clear.

HOWEVER, I also am very disappointed that Victor did that because there are ways to unload emotion without setting loose confidential information. Benji missing from school and un-contactable after a big fight is an incredibly valid cause for concern in its own right. For further context, Victor could have added some vagueness like ‘I’m really worried because Benji’s struggled a lot with stress in the past and I don’t know if he’s doing okay’. Something like that allows the catharsis of expressing the depth of your worry without compromising your partner’s privacy.

I’d like to think your partner deserves more consideration than just blurting out his dirty laundry, especially when it is something that clearly stresses the hell out of him if he couldn’t even disclose it with his own boyfriend and that he has specifically verbalised is something he is very embarrassed about. It was a clear line drawn that Victor stepped over.

And to me, it kind of reflects that Victor doesn’t respect Benji’s feelings as much as he thinks he does because if Victor had really taken Benji’s feelings into consideration, it wouldn’t have happened. There would be enough of a voice in his head saying ‘be careful what you say, you don’t want to betray your boyfriend’s deep embarrassment to anyone’ because you’d understand where your boyfriend was coming from and want to protect him from further pain.

WHAT FRUSTRATES ME MORE THAN ANYTHING:

So at first I was glad Victor acknowledged to Rahim that he shouldn’t have told him about Benji’s alcoholism. It felt a bit like vindication for Benji, like Victor did now understand the hard way not to dismiss Benji’s feelings and need for privacy.

Well, that was until the next sentence that came out of his mouth! “But it’s not just that [behind out break], we’ve been fighting about everything lately.” That reallllllly went beyond frustrating for me because it pretty much contradicted what Victor just said. I was like: Okay, so you don’t actually understand the gravity of the error you made! Because like you, anon, it was pretty obvious to me that the breach in trust was exactly why Benji had enforced a break.

Yes, they had been fighting a lot, and yes Benji expressed he was concerned by that, but he was also holding close the good memories like the soft-serve day and was feeling things while looking at the sweet candid photo that had been taken of them at school. It was only the reveal of the breach of trust that had Benji up on his feet and truly distressed.

And the thing is Victor had already absolved Rahim of any guilt for being the proxy recipient of Benji’s secret, so what Victor said about the breach of trust not being the main reason for the break was something he really did feel. In Victor’s head, their past fights must have deserved equal condemnation (the cultural differences tension, undermining the coming out to Adrian, etc), which lessens Victor’s role/responsibility for Benji needing a break. And yes, those fights were factors in the current state of their relationship but the deal-breaker was the breach in trust, not Benji’s patience eroded over time after the cruel treatment and constant invalidation from Victor’s mother.

Were the writers trying to balance things out with the undermining of Adrian’s Finding Out versus Victor’s alcoholism slip? Since neither were deliberate/malicious slip-ups and both occurred after losing control of emotions? Because the thing for me is that those two situations are not proportionate in impact -- Adrian finding out that Victor and Benji were dating affects Victor indirectly (Victor wanted Adrian to know anyway, which Benji knew; the slip just affects his mother’s plan and rate of processing things), while the alcoholism slip to Rahim affects Benji directly:

A) It’s a real threat to Benji if his alcoholism becomes public knowledge in the rumour-saturated environment (ie. Creek Secrets) of their high school. Your image/identity is so fragile at school and crucial to your self-esteem and mental health. Benji has worked incredibly hard to make sure even his accident was kept secret. His personal mental health would take a massive hit if any of those secrets got out. It would be ruinous. It could even be life-threatening.

B) It was a significant breach of trust from his significant other. His struggle with alcohol was something so personal and held so tightly to his chest that he couldn’t even handle his boyfriend knowing about it. And it only took like a day for his boyfriend to pass that information on to a peer at school. How can you be in a relationship with someone who couldn’t even respect your feelings enough to hold onto your secret for more than a day? How could you tell them anything after that?

So yeh, if the writers were wanting things to look balanced so the ‘break’ appeared more mutual and complicated to lessen Victor’s culpability with the upcoming wedding kiss, I didn’t really vibe to it…

Well, it looks like my frustration matches yours, anon! We feel what we feel, I guess. :)

[wings-of-a-storm]

Same anon with another general thought here, but I don't think enough people are talking about how crushed Benji must be to know that not only is he not allowed in Victor's home because of Isabelle, but that also Isabelle was right off the bat so accepting of and friendly towards Rahim. Not even Victor seemed to give it much thought, and I get that he was happy that his mom was "doing better", but he really should have considered Benji's feelings on the matter more and noticed how hurt he was.

Hello again! Another wonderful general thought to ponder. A very complicated one though, as it turns out, as this particular situation is full of nuance and mental health minefields…

When you’re that overwhelmed by external stress (and it intermingles with your mental health), you can’t think or behave on a level you would normally have the energy and clear-thinking to be able to do. And Victor’s situation with his mother is impacting on both boys. Both are distracted by their own stress and trying to stay above water in their own ways, which makes some of their reactions very self-focused.

Victor’s stress is pretty evident because we have his point of view and are living in that pain with him.

Benji’s is more subtle but the clues are there to piece together.

For me, it is pretty clear that Benji has had to compromise a lot of himself in their relationship so far due to the more dire nature of the stressful situation Victor is currently going through. Normally, that level of compromise could possibly be maintained in the short-term for someone who is at a healthy-enough headspace in their own life, but I don’t think Benji is there yet. Not just because he is a recovering addict, but because of the root cause of that addiction -- his own journey of coming to peace with his identity.

Events happened in Benji’s life -- like his violent car crash -- that reshaped him into someone who survives internalised hatred about himself through mule-headed determination and idealism. Like, Benji is very idealistic about living an authentic life and expecting others to be better in society. And most of the time it is well-meaning, if not misguided, idealism, such as telling Victor he shouldn’t compromise with the basketball change room because he should only ever hang around people who accept him for who he is.

And so much of that attitude has probably come from the trauma of that car crash -- it would have affected his tolerance level in life. He realised he almost died before ever getting to freely be who he is and the horror of that realisation completely shifted his priorities in life. He isn’t going to let anyone or anything get in the way of him living as his authentic self.

Derek’s influence would have only re-enforced that perspective, as Derek is also someone who is very much in the mindset of ‘I’m going to be exactly who I am and screw heteronormative bs.’

For over a year, Benji was able to live his own freedom and solidify his identity. It was really important to him to be able to do so. But then along came Victor who isn’t at that stage yet and that created a big imbalance in their relationship, through no one’s fault.

When Benji and Victor first got together, we saw Benji intuitive enough to display that concern -- that it might be tough to date Victor since he is so new to accepting his sexuality and hadn’t even said the words out loud yet, whereas Benji would have to relive being stuck in the closet. But even worse this time, because he had already had his car accident epiphany and would feel extra suffocation. But Benji decided Victor was worth all of that and he’d be there with him every step of the way through his coming out process.

For several months, Benji had to compromise who he was, relive a shame that literally took a drunken car accident to break through (more or less), and watch the person he really cares for feel rejected by his mama over and over again. Living that sort of cycle, even within a perfect summer bubble, takes its toll over time. It slowly erodes your patience and strength, exacerbates old wounds, makes you feel helpless… And for someone with such incredibly strong ideals as Benji, it is even tougher to sit on the sidelines and be unable to change anything. Benji has no control over that situation at all, when normally a sense of control helps manage anxiety (especially for a recovering alcoholic).

But Benji is dedicated to Victor and willing to (temporarily) compromise a lot of the steps he made to get to where he is today so that he can be Victor’s support. Where S2 starts, we see Benji still trying to stay strong in himself and be as patient and supportive as he can be for Victor. Cracks are there though because he has his own baggage that he’s constantly having to push aside.

Victor absolutely deserves that support and his situation takes precedence, but it would be a little unfair of us not to acknowledge the toll it does take on a partner. Both parties’ mental health matters.

And then, through all that compromise and unspoken toll on Benji’s end, Benji gets to hear how another gay teen is treated almost flawlessly by his boyfriend’s mother. It really is a lot of salt in the wound -- this other teen got to just show up at the Salazar house and be treated courteously, whereas Benji put so much effort into giving Isabel space and time and tried so darn hard to bond with her, only to be rejected at every attempt.

It would start to feel like the problem is with him; that’s he’s not good enough as a person (and feeling good enough as a person is clearly an insecurity Benji is still fighting through because we saw how much it meant to Benji in 1x05 when Victor told him he thought that who he was as a person was pretty darn good).

Rationally Benji might be able to acknowledge that it will always be easier for a mother to accept a gay friend than a gay boyfriend, but with the baggage of internalised hatred Benji already had growing up, rationality is so easily subsumed by negative thought patterns. So his control slipped and he couldn’t hide his hurt and bitterness when Victor told him about Rahim’s success. I really can’t blame Benji for having that initial reaction…

On Victor’s end, he is going through a lot himself. So so much. And when you’re in that amount of stress, it can be hard to look up out of that maelstrom and notice someone else’s stress. There’s just so little reserve left of your own to offer someone else when you’re depleted and trying to keep your own head above water. So for Victor, surviving that stress and pain meant focusing solely on his own situation. That, I also absolutely get.

It’s just really unfortunate that they’re both so exhausted that neither could spare extra energy to give the kind of support each other needed in that phone call. Victor needed to hear acknowledgement of how well his mother was doing, which Benji didn’t give at all. And Benji needed acknowledgement from Victor that it hurts that Rahim gets a free pass while Benji has to walk through fire for the same thing (except so far it has just been a lot of fire and no headway).

And to make things even worse, when Benji pushed through that hurt to apologise for his negative reaction, Victor had no intention of returning the sentiment for his own lack of support. He somehow didn’t see why Benji would be upset even after Benji pointed out the double standards with Rahim’s treatment. So we have uneven needs being met… Which is why Benji stumbled again so soon in the same encounter and couldn’t contain his bitterness once more. If Victor had recognised he also needed to apologise, Benji would have felt more seen and acknowledged and regained some positive energy to give back to Victor. But alas….bad cycles.

So yeah wow, I guess in summary to your ask, both boys played a part in each other’s hurt, both boys could have handled themselves better, and yes, I think in an ideal world Victor should have been able to take a moment to look up and really see where Benji’s own mental health is at. Because it was obvious that Benji was struggling with something -- if Victor was able to take a break from his own pain and have the reprieve of a clearer head, he would see the correlation between an increase of passive aggression from Benji and him suffering from something he isn’t voicing out loud to Victor. But both boys’ mental health isn’t that great at the moment and they are only human so monumental stuff ups are going to happen on both sides… :(

[wings-of-a-storm]

I find it incredibly ridiculous that just because Victor & Benji's relationship is no longer all sunshine & rainbows, & that they're now experiencing real-life conflicts, people are suddenly deciding they're not right for each other, & that there's no point in them fighting for their relationship. Do they not realize that no relationship is perfect, that every relationship has problems, & you don't just give up when things get hard, especially if you're in love, no matter how old you are?

Apologies for the super late reply to this, Anon, but I hear you and I see you (well metaphorically of course lol).

Well said, my friend. I'd actually be a little worried if people didn't try to work on their relationships at any age -- if you care to work on it, you care about being in that relationship; if you want to give up after a few arguments, you'd surely be a bit too indifferent about it all...? (And I am obviously referring to your average relationship, not an abusive one that should be left when safe to do so.)

The older you get, the wiser you get -- that's a no brainer -- so working hard on communication/compromise/etc as an adult is going to be more advanced than as a teen, yes. However, I think it would be dismissive to teenagers to think only adults can be serious enough about a relationship to want to work on them instead of having as much carefree fun as possible. It's more of a personality factor, than an age factor I would image?

For eg. I worked my butt of as a teen in my first relationship because I am loyal and had much less self respect back then (lol). Like I shake my head at the stuff I put myself through for that boy when he had no appreciation for any of it. I was the only one putting work in. But I kept trying because I appreciated him and wanted things to work. The only difference between then and the adult me now is that as someone wiser, I would have seen the warning signs a lot sooner and better gauged my limits and standards.

I really don't want to watch Victor flit from one person to the next over and over again because he is chasing an unrealistic dream and unable to value loyalty. I don't just want shallow relationships for him when he has such a big heart, you know? I want to give him that credit...