Let Your Heart Hold Fast Snippet
(Since there’s no chapter this week and I really like how this little scene turned out I’m posting this bit of what will be either chapter 6 or 7. To set the scene it is Kallus’ first field mission since his escape. He’s going out with the Ghost to assist since Kanan, Ezra, Sabine, and Chopper are all on Mandalore.)
“Sabacc!” Kallus declared, triumphantly, tossing down his cards.
Zeb stared, flabbergasted, both at the cards on the table and the loose, relaxed state of the man before him.
“What happened to ‘I’ve hardly played this game’?” Zeb asked, tossing his losing cards down.
“Hardly, not never,” Kallus said. “Plus, I’m very sorry to tell you that you have an easy tell to read.”
“Maybe not everyone can read it, but I am too well acquainted with you now,” Kallus said, leaning forward and flicking one of the Lasat’s pointy ears. “Your ears. Can’t read everything from them yet, but I can decipher enough to know when you’re bluffing.”
“Karabast…” Though, internally, the fact that Kallus was learning to read his ears was flattering. He’d worked with people for years who didn’t pay his ears any mind at all. Clearly Kallus paid very close attention, which was welcome news as Zeb definitely paid close attention to Kallus.
“We should get some sleep.”
Zeb wanted to stay up, continue enjoying their time together, but he knew that the human was right. They had five hours left enough for a solid block of rest and they would need it.
Not that Kallus was waiting for input as he divested himself of his jacket and bent over to dig in his bag for something.
If Zeb wasn’t admiring the Kallus’ backside as he did so, he definitely was once the man tugged down his trousers revealing boxer briefs beneath. It suddenly felt much warmer in the cabin as he watched Kallus slide on what seemed to be softer cloth pants for sleeping in.
Before he got himself caught gawking, Zeb unstuck himself, turning to clean up the cards and ration trash from the table.
“I’m assuming the top bunk is me,” Kallus said.
Unless you want to share with me. “Yep.”
Kallus swung up easily into the bunk, Zeb unable to keep himself from admiring the way the muscles in the human’s back flexed beneath his shirt as he did so.
“Going to assume the pillow and blanket aren’t actually Bridger’s.”
Zeb chuckled. “Nah, I put those there for you,” Zeb said.
As he climbed into his own bunk, he glanced up to see Kallus was lying on his back, tucking the pillow beneath his head. Zeb rolled over onto his side, facing the back wall. He wasn’t sure how quickly Kallus was capable of falling asleep so Zeb stayed quiet.
After what felt like a long while, Kallus spoke.
“You ever think about that first time we faced each other head on?”
Zeb blinked, as this question certainly felt like it came out of nowhere. “Over the ion disrupters? What about it?”
“Sometimes I look back at that moment, and ponder what might’ve happened if Bridger hadn’t been there,” Kallus said, there was a haunted quality to his words. “If I’d struck you down, I’d never have left the Empire. We’d never have ended up on that moon. I’d never have—.”
Zeb rolled over, eyes on the bottom of the bunk above him.
“That’s not what happened, Kal,” Zeb said in what he hoped was a reassuring voice. “What even makes you think of it?”
There was a beat of silence. “It’s… it’s one of my recurring dreams, or should I say nightmares,” Kallus answered. “Only, Bridger is never present to save you and I —to think a split second could have changed my whole destiny.”
“Could have, yes, but didn’t. You didn’t do it, and you’re here now. We both are because this is what was meant to be,” Zeb said. “So no, I don’t think about that fight or any of our fights before Bahryn because that guy wasn’t you.”
“I am always relieved to hear that you no longer regard me as the agent any longer.”
“Agent Kallus is gone. Captain Kallus is far superior in many ways,” Zeb said.
“Thank you, Garazeb,” Kallus said, voice now sounding sleepy. “I’m so glad Bridger was there. I had no way of knowing then you were to become the most important person in my life.”
Zeb was struck speechless by the admission. He wanted badly to see the man’s face.
“Do you really mean that?” Zeb asked. “Because you’re very important to me too. More than you know.”
Silence greeted him and for a second Zeb thought the human regretted having said it.
Then Zeb heard the soft snore drifting down from above. He was equal parts disappointed and relieved. As quietly as he could, Zeb slipped from his bunk, rising up on his legs to peer at the sleeping human.
Kallus had rolled over onto his belly, head on the pillow, golden hair fallen into his face. He was truly handsome even in sleep and Zeb vowed himself that he wouldn’t wait too much longer to tell the human just that.
