#m:hh

[mixspencer]

what do you wish was different about jihoon?

honesty hour // status: accepting !

there’s a pause between the question and the answer, somewhere in the indistinguishable realm between hesitation and deep thought. but it’s soon made forgotten by the default smile that just starts to curl his lips, 

“you know what’s funny is sometimes i feel like he’s trying to scare me off? i wouldn’t change that though. i actually kind of like it.” he laughs, this one genuine, honest, real, like almost all of his laughs, pushes overgrown blond fringe out of his face.

then there is reality, who interrupts, and insists on making an appearance in his mind’s eye, and then in his physical eyes, not quite sadness or disappointment, but rather something more closely resembling the sharp end of a scalpel: something shiny and honed enough to pry walls open and leave warm, gooey centers exposed to the truth. his voice is still calm, casual, just barely less than nonchalant through the cooling smile on his lips. but a strand of hair falls, grazes eyelashes, casts a shadow over his face through which, with a determined glint, the scalpel peeks. 

“i do wish he’d stop pretending he doesn’t give a shit about me.”

[mixspencer]

"what would you not do for me?"

honesty hour // status: accepting !

“hang on, you’re not all that,” he chuckles, though there’s something less carefree about this laugh than the others, something weighted and exciting, something that might make a person wonder if that half-joked statement rings more false than intended.

“i’m not going about assassinating world leaders for you or jumping off of of buildings am i,” his smile remains, also weighed down by a glint of intensity behind his eyes. there is no false smile distorting jihoon’s features, which means it’s an honest question expecting an honest answer from someone who has never been anything but honest in spite of his frivolous airs. he doesn’t forget the question, but for a moment he thinks maybe he has. and then he considers that jihoon doesn’t actually need an answer at all, that he might simply pull it from the corner of his lips with his own.

“just cos you shot a guy doesn’t mean i’m gonna play target practice.”

then he thinks. he thinks that’s mostly true. though maybe if their roles were, by some remarkable farce, reversed, he also thinks he probably would do it - it’d be too easy to slip into his mutual agreement with his conscience that anyone who points a gun at jihoon can’t be good, and probably has it coming for them anyway. he thinks that that’s a dangerous thought, a black diamond slope so steep that one can barely guess what’s at the bottom.

“or, hang on, is this, like, a sexy thing?” he adds too late, as if it’ll lighten the air, distract from the truth, the truth that has already betrayed itself through the giddy flipping of his heart at the thought of plummeting feet first into somewhere no one’s been before, “because if it is then that’s a totally different answer.”

[mixspencer]

What are you afraid of?

honesty hour // status: accepting !

“dang, again?” he chuckles, flipping his hair out of his eyes and leaning back in his seat with all the at-home air of someone who’s lived and died in it, “what, have i got a sign on me and everything? i mean, yeah, okay, i get it.”

he thinks for a moment, tilting his chair off its front two legs, “you know what, those little worms that sneak into your brain and lay eggs. you don’t even know they’re there until like, twenty years later and by then it’s too late. that’s a zombie apocalypse waiting to happen, if you ask me.”

[mixspencer]

What do you fear the most?

honesty hour // status: accepting !

“chlamydia,” he answers immediately, managing a straight face for all of a fraction of a second before he’s grinning unabashedly, “i’m just kidding. not sure, really. maybe, like, the worst thing that could happen would be leaving the world with a hateful reputation? like imagine being literally such a bad person that all you’re remembered for is being a dick. that and losing my parents too soon - like, they should live until they’re a hundred and four and i’ve got a litter of tiny mes running around in their backyard, y’know? i haven’t saved the whales yet, they can’t go ‘til they’ve seen me do that.”