#m.sad

[fawn-wings]

so officially i’m not having birthdays anymore. the date 11/19 doesn’t exist to me anymore. birthdays are fucking cancelled. i just need a yearly reminder to change my age in my bios and that’s fucking it. i don’t want celebration or attention or anything i just want to be left alone.

[fawn-wings]

love disappointing the one person in my family who means something to me. feels gr8

[fawn-wings]

for some reason i’ve just. been so fuckin upset these past few... weeks, now that i think about it. i keep getting angry over nothing, all i want to do is sleep and cry. i don’t want to be around anyone. i’m in so much pain all the damn time. and i keep thinking i can power through it and just be around people and be fine but it isn’t working because it’s just making me meaner. i snap at my friends. i’m supposed to take care of them but i only seem to be able to hurt them. i’m so tired all the damn time and i don’t want to talk to anyone nothing interests me anymore. not for long at least. i can’t seem to fully trust anyone like i used to be able to. i keep getting lost in my head about some nasty shit. i don’t... leave the house, i have no one to hang out with who wants to be around me. everything is falling apart around me and i feel like i’m chained to the ground as it does, completely unable to do anything but watch. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to fix it. i never get any time to myself unless it’s after ten at night and by then i’m even more exhausted than i was before, and i just make up that much. i’m disappointing the people i love and people keep getting mad at me— i can’t fix it. i can’t seem to do anything but fall apart. i don’t have any appetite, eating makes me feel sick. this sucks. i suck.

[fawn-wings]

anyone on here ever think about their overwhelming lack of talent, loneliness that can’t be cured no matter how many people you keep around you, how easily you get bored of people, the fact that you’re entirely unlikeable, or the fact that you are completely unable to be any help to anyone no matter how hard you try and yet you still try and you throw yourself into a sad spiral of decreasing self worth because you base how useful you are on how happy you make other people because you can’t make yourself happy for any reason and whenever something happens that you can’t fix you immediately feel like the scum of the earth, or is that just me

[fawn-wings]

i dunno why, i just. i’ve been in a really low swing with my depression, and my BPD is hitting hard. i’ve. been trying to smile and fake my way through it but a lot of my friends keep getting angry at me for not doing enough or not paying enough attention. ives gotten into three lectures with two friends this week about how i need to put in more effort because it’s hurting them, and it just... it hurts a lot. i wanna break free of these dumb emotions and just be able to take care of people but it isn’t working and i feel like such a shithead because of it. i’m so tired of feeling like i’m not doing enough. they need so much and i’m trying to give it to them but i don’t have enough and it hurts so god damn much. and i try to explain that i’m kind of in a bad place right now and the one whose lectured me twice seems to forget as soon as she wants something and i don’t know what to do because she’s probably in a worse place than me. i feel trapped.

[fawn-wings]

update: bad person status confirmed fellas

[fawn-wings]

fellas do you ever just feel like a really, really bad person

[fawn-wings]

artist: really good, something i would personally consider better than what i do

me: that’s awesome! i wish i could do that. it’s probably bc they’re older than me and have more experience

artist: three years younger

me: . ah. so it’s me. but still!! they’re really good so yeehaw you go li’l dude